Masturbation addiction / tattoo fetish (?)

I'm a 36 year old male with a masturbation addiction. I have had a girlfriend, my first ever, for the last two years but we have never even had sex. I'm a virgin, choosing to masturbate instead of having sex with my girlfriend. I'm at the point where I feel empty and horrible about my addiction and lack of sexual desire for my girlfriend who I love deeply.

I've gone through psychotherapy but think I need more of it. I was molested between ages five and seven. I was raised in an emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive home. I largely raised myself, as my parents just were not around. I felt like I had to provide for myself.

I really did not masturbate at an early age. I first masturbated when I was 16 or 17 years old. For as long as I remember, I've found tattooed women to be extremely sexy. So my first masturbation experience was at work on a Saturday, after looking at tattooed women online. We didn't have the internet at home at that time, so work was the place I could access "tattoo porn." Mind you, I was looking at fully clothed women, just fully clothed TATTOOED women. I remember going into the bathroom stall at work and masturbating. I can still remember that intense feeling of my very first orgasm.

To this day, I still masturbate looking at tattooed women online. It doesn't matter where the tattoos are, feet, ankle, back, wrist, wherever, they're a huge turn on to me, and I'll masturbate looking at them. Sometimes I will masturbate once a day, other times five or more times per day. Sometimes I'll masturbate in the shower thinking about my girlfriend, but it's always thinking about her having a tattoo or getting a tattoo (she has none).

I am confused and looking for guidance as to where I can go to get well. Are these issues appropriate to work with a therapist? SA? Other?

It seems to me that I have a definite masturbation addiction, but I'm unclear how the tattoos play into it. I want to get well, not feel so empty, hopeless, and ashamed. Nobody knows about this issue of mine, not even my girlfriend. This is the first I've spoken of it. Advice is appreciated.

what if your g/f got some tattoos? maybe you don't need to tell her how intense your private fetish is but you could say tattoos just happen to be sexually important to you.

Masturbation isn't a problem unless it is in some way negatively impacting your life. What are your exact reasons for your distress over your frequent masturbation? Is it because you simply feel that you're doing it too often, or is it interfering with your daily life? From what I read, you seem distressed over your lack of having sexual intercourse with your girlfriend because of your preference to masturbation. That in itself doesn't have to be a negative thing, but I would definitely recommend talking about it with her if it is upsetting you. Don't do anything you feel to uncomfortable about, however.

But basically, really examine the true reasons of why you are so distressed about it.

I had the same fetish, I told my wife when I first meet her. She had an Ex Husband cheat on her so she has trust issues.

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Ed



Removed inappropriate and triggering content -Riccola

@ IA1125,

The only problem with your tattoo fetish is that it's become a problem for you, in that you are controlled by it, or at least you feel controlled by it, and that it's impacting on your relationship with your girlfriend. (I have to say, I wish I had something as simple as a tattoo fetish!)

I don't see your masturbation as a problem, except as it impacts on other aspect of your life. There have been times in my life when I have masturbated two and three times daily, and every day for sure. Sexual release is as important as breathing, eating, and excreting. And I can tell you from experience that having a sexual relationship with someone does not eliminate the need or the desire to masturbate. I've been married going on 50 years, and I still masturbate quite frequently, often the day after my wife and I have had a date.

Since your girlfriend is not demanding a sexual relationship from you, I'd have to say that she has some problems too. Should you seek intervention by a psychologist? I'd say so, assuming as always that the psychologist you choose is sex-friendly (not all are). There really is nothing you could tell a good psychologist that is a forbidden subject. And I would suggest that you seek psychotherapy with your girlfriend, since she is just as impacted by your fetish as you are. You probably should see a psychologist on your own first, then invite your girlfriend to join you. You have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain.

Other

-- Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:55 pm --

@ IA1125,

The only problem with your tattoo fetish is that it's become a problem for you, in that you are controlled by it, or at least you feel controlled by it, and that it's impacting on your relationship with your girlfriend. (I have to say, I wish I had something as simple as a tattoo fetish!)

I don't see your masturbation as a problem, except as it impacts on other aspect of your life. There have been times in my life when I have masturbated two and three times daily, and every day for sure. Sexual release is as important as breathing, eating, and excreting. And I can tell you from experience that having a sexual relationship with someone does not eliminate the need or the desire to masturbate. I've been married going on 50 years, and I still masturbate quite frequently, often the day after my wife and I have had a date.

Since your girlfriend is not demanding a sexual relationship from you, I'd have to say that she has some problems too. Should you seek intervention by a psychologist? I'd say so, assuming as always that the psychologist you choose is sex-friendly (not all are). There really is nothing you could tell a good psychologist that is a forbidden subject. And I would suggest that you seek psychotherapy with your girlfriend, since she is just as impacted by your fetish as you are. You probably should see a psychologist on your own first, then invite your girlfriend to join you. You have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain.

Other