Trying to get a grip

That's good, dy7. I'm really glad the second therapist is a better fit for your goals. And that you stuck with it and didn't give up after the first didn't work out. Any hints to others on how to do that? It's a difficult thing to go through.

thanks Ada for the words of encouragement. as for hints, he thing I did first was write out a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish while I was in therapy and stuck to it. as time passed with my first therapist I could see clearly that we weren't hitting any goals that I set for myself. I mean it wasn't even close. the sessions were becoming rambling and venting sessions on my part, and in time I was getting away from what was important. now with this new therapist I can tell that the sessions are more focused on both of our parts. im even getting "homework" assignments that cause me to look inward more deeply. I hope Ive explained everything and I wasn't too long winded.

just had another session with my therapist yesterday and it went very well. we had a lot of conversations about family issues that pertains to myself and my wife. its only the tip of the iceberg, and we will continue the conversation at my next session. we also talked about my intake of my anti depression meds. as to whether I should tapper off them or should I continue to take my prescribed dosage. we decided that I should continue taking my meds. hey if it aint broke don't fix it right. well that's all for now. I do hope everyone on this forum is doing well out there and continue to be safe.

I felt this strong need to visit this forum again. Right now I'm struggling to maintain from abstaining from watching porn. So far I have been unsuccessful. Right now I'm deep in the throes of my addiction. On top of that I'm once again wrestling with the temptation of having an affair with another woman. So far I'm resisting that action but it's very very hard. Especially since my wife and I are not on good terms at the current moment. I know I may sound silly for asking, but is there any advice I can get I would greatly appreciated it.

You do not sound silly for wanting advice. However, I do not know if any of my advice would hold much validity since I too am in the mist of my addiction. I struggle with compulsive online sexual behavior and have drowned myself in debt. I just returned to this forum yesterday myself.

Are you still going to meetings? It seemed like the group environment was empowering you. What about the therapist? I do not know much about SA meetings since I have never been to one but I just talked to someone about it tonight and I plan to go to one next week. Also, have you considered installing filters to block websites? Perhaps that would help with the pornography. Where is your computer located? It can make a difference. Also, does your wife know about the pornography? I read that you were open with her before. Perhaps you could come up with a way in which she could support you, i.e. put a password on the computer that she only knows. Then again, I see that you two are on rocky grounds so only you could make the judgment on that one.

Do you and your wife have much of a sex life? I read on another thread yesterday that a man kept having sex with an escort because his wife had lost interest in sex. Do you think if you and your wife were able to reacquire a healthy sex life that it would help reduce the temptation to have an affair? Perhaps seeing a couples counselor or sex therapist could help. It seems like you might be a little ways from this but if you and your wife were able to get back on better terms perhaps you could find ways to spice up the relationship so you are putting less sexual energy into porn and thoughts of affairs and more sexual energy into her. Do you and her have any fetishes? Maybe she is willing to do things you did not know about or maybe try something new.

I have no idea if any of this is resonating with you. I am kind of just throwing things out there.

However, I would like to share something with you that has helped me at times in which I felt like I had control over my behavior. Mindfulness based relapse prevention is a technique that was born out of mindfulness based stress reduction. Both are evidence based practices. In brief, the idea is by entering a state of non-judgmental, observational awareness we are better able to not only become aware of the thoughts that enter our mind but we are able to consciously choose what thoughts we want to enter our mind and what thoughts we want to let go. If you google it, you will easily find information about them.

Good luck.

First off I wanted to thank you Xenophanes for giving me advice. To answer some of your questions, I have continued going to my SA meeting which have helped alot. I've also continue with my therapy sessions. I have not engaged in the affair. I haven't taken any steps to block my computer since I use my cellphone 90% of the time even though I do have it set up to not have internet access. Once again thank you and I hope that everything works out well for you. Feel free to message me anytime.

Hi dy7, how you doing? It's been a few months since you last posted something here. I hope you're managing things well. Keep it up. I'm trying to get out of a mess myself, maybe we can encourage each other. It would be good to hear from you.