Lack of self control

Madison606 wrote:I too have my bouts with hypersexuality and have turned to my abuser (dad) for gratification later in life. This is my first post here and I struggle to be open about this.

Hello, and welcome. You will find you (and Sam95) are not the only ones here in PF to either restart, or more commonly have never stopped, having sexual relations with a parent, continuing on into adulthood.

I'm personally not sure at what point something goes from being SA, to being a consensual arrangement. I would probably argue that grooming is grooming, and it sticks. Not that the previously groomed isn't aware of that on at least some intellectual level. And, unless you had hatred, dislike, fear or disdain for the parent involved, I can easily see how it could continue indefinitely as an adult, since a bond already naturally powerful (in my opinion, anyway) would only be intensified by regularly engaging in the sex act.

Of course, not everyone has turned out that way. One of our more recent members who no longer posts here, had quite an opposite end result to her father's sexual abuse as she was growing up, being rather uninterested in sex with men to the point of being almost asexual, although she values domesticity, if that makes any sense. Everyone has differing responses. My own rather light (in comparison) sexual abuse history kept me very conflicted for a long time, until I have accepted that I both resent what was done, and still wish more had been done, though finally after many decades I fantasize about it only occasionally now.

Thank you to everyone in this post! I know I'm not alone, I know we aren't alone, but it still feels good to read it and reinforce it. I too have almost no self control around this, and my early abuse made me hypersexual and promiscuous. The regret/self-hatred after is still hard.

beccaboo wrote:The regret/self-hatred after is still hard.

yeah it sucks... i made horrible mistake of making gay pass at a bully/narc. i was a filthy creature. sex addict. like a spineless creature. like some attention-seeking, brainless, addict lost puppy. i was just retarded.
the more i phase out of it, the more i feel sad. so sad at my past self.

just had nightmare where i was running/screaming on streets begging for some validation/pity. have been humiliated so so often. as a child.

i just want to die... i want another chance at life...