Consented but abused

Hi everybody,

I hope everybody is keeping healthy and well. This is my first post on this particular forum. In 2015, I consented to having sex with a man I was casually dating for approximately six months on and off. Although I consented, he was so rough and selfish, that for 3 months afterwards I was bleeding everyday and couldn't sit or walk because I was in excruciating pain. When I told him what he had done to me, he didn't care or even bother with a response. I never saw him again after that. I am writing this post today because I have post traumatic stress disorder. I have this disorder because I have endured physical, emotional and sexual abuse all my life from my family and romantic partners. I was recently treated for chylamidia. It is most likely that the incident I described above was the cause. Alternatively, the STD was from an unfaithful partner in 2017. Every other time, I had practiced safe sex. My STD diagnosis has retraumatised me because I didn't deal with my sexual assault at the time. I didn't love myself and was accustomed to abuse. I am posting this so I feel less isolated and alone. I look forward to any replies.

Hi mollyhello,

I’m sorry about what happened to you, that’s awful. I’ve just begun educating myself about PTSD, reading a book by Bessel van der Kolk called The Body Keeps the Score. It was triggering in the beginning, but I’m sticking with it because I want to learn more.

Hello, and welcome!

We're so sorry to hear about what happened to you.

mollyhello wrote:I didn't love myself and was accustomed to abuse.

We get, what we tolerate. And don't get me wrong, we (I) tolerate a LOT. So I'm not being judgmental. Just stating an obvious truth of life. I hope you can get to a better place, where you realise your feeling and worth are just as good as anyone else's. You deserve better, than abusive relationships. Women are the gatekeepers. They are the ones, who can set the tone, for a good man, to be a good man- and there's no reason a girl has to put up with crap. There just isn't. I think a lot of people just fall into a rut and think well this is as good as it gets, but it really doesn't have to be that way. There's going to be a man out there that values you enough, to show it. I mean men aren't perfect by any means but there's no reason to put up with a cad.

You have worth, you have value- try to love yourself, because you have it exactly right. Love yourself and you won't ever have to settle for a jerk. There's going to be a man out there somewhere, that appreciates you as you. I very much believe there's someone for nearly everyone. Just might have to kiss a lot of frogs, is all.