A mild case but...

Hi

I really was scrolling down but couldn't seem to find the right sub-forum for this. I apologise if posting here is offensive given that it's not a 'strong' case...

My father (who is probably autistic) has always made me uncomfortable with some of his behaviour. I've been avoiding him. Anyway, I come from a sort of conservative family when it comes to showing pda for romantic partners. It's like a taboo.

My sister and her newly-wed husband arrived for Christmas. Long story short, I'm pretty much a stranger to my sister so her husband is even more of a stranger to me. Parents left the lounge and we were left alone to unwrap gifts. At one stage I saw my brother-in-law touch and play with my sister's hair. If my parents were there he wouldn't have done that. He also saw that I saw.

Later we were in my sister's room and going through her wardrobe. I was just leaning across a box and I felt someone pull my hair. I was so surprised. I know I tried to act friendly over dinner and engage in convo with everyone but I never touch or am comfortable with being touched unless it's by a good friend ( have bad relationships with my family so I don't even touch them) . And it was ooc for him, for the way he had presented himself on the numerous occasions he'd being over for dinner etc.

Was he just being playful? Obsessed with hair?

This was not a 'huge' thing, but I have had some experience with these things and have heard/read things. I know that people can start off with innocuous/borderline gestures. The fact that he played with my hair only mildly, but then I couldn't bring it up/wasn't sure...

The context of it...and I tried to imagine if he did the same thing to my brother's gf, it just seemed wrong no matter how I though of it.

I know I can't talk to my sister/mother/anyone, but I just get a 'vibe' from him. I have met a few creeps in my life and sometimes your gut just tells you something.

He also was really aware of me the entire evening.

I'd like to think it was just him being socially awkward (he's a quiet, reserved person) but I also know that if my sister was facing us then or parents were in the room he wouldn't have done that either.
I know they're gonna have kids, and bc of my anxiety issues I really started to get distressed thinking that he had just married into our family... :/

Anyway, it just triggered some of the stuff with my dad and other people who had acted sexually inappropriate before

That behavior would be odd given that he doesn't know you well and has a relationship with your sister. So I would observe his behavior and see if there are other signs of inappropriateness.

It could be a hair thing where he sees it as an expression of affection, or is something he really admires (obsession), but it's odd nonetheless. It reflects lack of awareness of personal boundaries. So maybe being observant/aware for now is the best course of action.

I think your reaction is accurate and the one most people would have. As a married guy I wouldn't dream of getting touchy feely with my sister-in-law as that's potentially crossing multiple boundaries. It's possible he just doesn't get these boundaries, but best to stay vigilant and hold you ground if/when you need to.

I adore women's hair and like to touch it.

I also know how to keep my hands to myself...

Was it meant to be pervy? Possibly not. Is it creepy? Yeah it would have made me uncomfortable.

I think it would be wise to watch out for him. I can be a bit overly concerned sometimes, but I would try not to be alone with him. Once someone crosses a physical boundry like that, it shows that they have tge potential to be dangerous. In the past I have questioned how dangerous someone is only to realize that they are definitely dangerous too late. Be careful and be safe. Stick around your parents when he's there.