A mother with guilt

Of course while this is going on with my son, I would have to hear about another story about John. A month ago a resident who was involved with John while he was on duty, returned to our building. Someone came to me and made sure that I knew that night she returned. My response was just "ok". Then that someone asked me wasn't there something with her, you know some stories. My reply was just "ok" and "yeah there was stories about her". I left it at that. I think they got it when I didn't reply much more. I'm too concerned about my son I can't think of anything else right now. They don't know about my son and I know they didn't mean any harm.

A week later after the resident left our building, I saw someone that I worked with in the past and it was nice to see him. We talked and caught up on things. Then the question came "are you still going with that guy John?" My reply was "NO. I am not affiliated with him at all". His reply was not shocking. He said, "Oh thank God, we never could figure out what you were doing with him." He paused and then said, "There is something wrong with him, John is bad news." I again had to explain that I didn't know about the things John had done and been accused of. I then explained that John did not present himself that way to me. He made sure I would see him as a victim, an intelligent man, people didn't like him because he did all the work for them, he saw to it that officers under other commands were working, he was a great guy, caring, sensitive, a great father, and just an all around great guy. (Now I look back on that and I realize oh boy did he pour it on.) I then let him know that I learned of the other things about from other people who approached me after they found out that John and I were no longer together. So then my old friend told me of his experience with John and the resident. I'm not going to get into it. It is too long to tell. I will say this, he was disgusted by the whole thing. We said our goodbyes. It was nice to see him and I knew he didn't tell me the story to hurt me or anything but it did and I was embarrassed. I think he wanted to share his experience with John with me because of what he felt towards John. It was nice to know that others see him for who he really is. There is some comfort in that. As usual I did apologize for John's behavior.

Sean has been on my mind. I don't really know what to tell him at times. I try to comfort him and reassure him that what he is doing is the right thing by telling his therapist and now the authorities. I keep reminding him that no matter what I will always have his back. When he tells me more and more though it is hard for me. I feel that I have failed trying to have what I thought was a safe environment for my kids. My son keeps repeating the same thing over and over, how when he was 12 through 14 he thought what John was doing, was normal behavior. How he would sit there while he would rub himself and the look John would get in his eyes. He said it was the same look he had with Emily. At first I had to ask Sean to repeat some things, then as he opens more, I realized these are things that only if you are intimate with a person you would know. I was intimate with John this is how I know my sons perceptions are correct. When an autistic sees things sometimes their perceptions are different. Then there are times they see things we don't. My son is telling the truth. He is upset that he didn't say anything sooner because when he realized what was going on with Emily and my reactions to it he was realizing there was something wrong with John. Sean finally got the courage to tell me in the summer but had wanted to tell his father last November not too long after we moved out but felt embarrassed and stupid. I am glad he finally did and didn't hold it in. Anyway it is still a rollercoaster ride of emotions for him but I have faith he will get through this one step at a time.

Like I said Sean has been opening up more and more. Along with this is questions. I don't know what to say. I would appreciate it if some one out there had a thought or advice on the questions he keeps asking me. Here it goes: Mom what does it mean when a man masturbates around you all the time, like John did? Can he be charged with something? Is what I've experienced sex abuse? Then he pauses and takes a deep breath and states, "there has to be something, I am really mad that this happened!". Sean wants to take this to the police but before we do I want to make sure it sticks. I don't want him to go through this if the victim is the one treated like they have done something wrong. What I need to know is what can he be charged with? Your opinions and advice do matter to me. Please respond and do not hesitate, tell me like it is. I can take it. I have the strength in me more than ever.

Consult a lawyer!

Thank you OMNICELL for your advice! I have been searching for an attorney and finally made my decision. My son has been having a bad time the last few weeks but we will get through it. It hasn't been easy for him. I commend him for what we are about to do. Enough!!! He has had all he can take and wants justice. He is telling the truth and I am telling the truth, we are telling the truth. There will be more truth to be told and shown than someone like John can handle. It is a shame but unfortunately people will be hurt by the truth. I didn't want that. This is my son we are talking about here. Enough!!!

i have been following this thread for a while. I just wanted to say how strong Sean is for dealing with this. as a person with Asperger's i know abuse or sexual harassment can leave us confused and can be harder to understand. im glad he is finally getting help to process all of the things that happened to him and what he saw.

Im also so saddened and sickened by what that man has done to his children. thank goodness you found out what is going on. what im really shocked by is how many people knew something wasnt right and just let it be, i know it is extremely hard to find evidence but with your evidence i urge you to be the voice for these girls, your son and other victims.

i also applaud your strength as i cant imagine having to witness that, have your children exposed to it and then having to deal with knowing this terrible situation and not having the means to stop it.

keep fighting, find someone anyone who will listen! Those girls have already been damaged but they deserve someone to fight on their behalf.

I hope you finally get someone to listen to you and that your son is continuing to get better with therapy x