A mother with guilt

Absolutely.. I mentioned quite a while ago now about taking those videos to the police and asking that they act..
along with the witness information that you and your son have.. this should be more than enough to have John arrested and dealt with properly.

I know you said that your local police force won't listen.. I think now is the time to stand up and involve every possible agency that you can think of..
call cps.. call the police from the next town over - if they don't listen, go and sit in their station with the video evidence.. call the FBI - call everyone. A child in danger is everyones responsibility.
make sure you get copies of the videos btw, just in case it ''accidentally'' goes missing.

I tought...your son has an handicap, are you sure about his father that grow him up?

Because mmm I dont know how to say it to you...I read by victims that it is usual to find through the partner the repetition of trauma, I mean doing the same error, dont see the same things (like in the book of Veronica DeLaurentins, she has been abused and for years she havent seen the abuse of her husband on her daughter, her fight then give testimony of how much this was not intentional; morevoer she was grown up by the abusive mother Silvana Mangano, the actress, that she suppose had been sexually abused).

Anyway,
only to tell you to pay attention.

To answer your question Bib, as I have stated my son is autistic and my son has never lived with his father. My son has been seeing a psychologist who knows him for years now. The psychologist has been working with him on his memory and it seems to be working. He has been talking more and more now. He has been remembering things that involved me with John that I didn't remember. So actually he has been helpful to me. As far as we can tell John only asked him to get naked and bent him over the counter and pushed his head down. This did happen on several occasions. I did not know any of this until recently. According to the psychologist it looks like John was on the threshold of something but it doesn't look like John penetrated. So I am thankful for that. I am mad though. No one should have to be treated that way. I trusted John to look out for him when I was not around, not abuse him in anyway. He would boast about what a great father he was. He was full of himself. I look back at what John has done with his daughters, outside of his daughters, my kids as well and I think this is a guy who never should have children or be around them at all.

Just the other day I was in a conversation with a group of guys at work. We were discussing how bad people at work never really get in trouble and if they do it is not that bad compared to what they have done. Instead when there is a problem everyone else pays for it. Well one of the guys mentioned John. A couple of people knew that I was with John but not the guy who was talking about him. So, I kept looking at the two guys waiting to see if they were going to say something and stop him, but they just had a holy crap look on their faces. The guy talking about John was referring to his escapades on the job. He stated "what was the name of the guy who hangs around for hours in the office that he doesn't work in, you know the doofy looking one, the big fat guy, you know the one who has been with inmates. Oh I can't remember his name." I finally stopped him and explained who I was and told him to not feel bad about it. While the two other guys started to laugh because now the guy who was talking bad about John had the holy crap look on his face. I reassured him that I had no knowledge of his escapades before or after me because I am very embarrassed that I was with someone that is a pedophile and does bad things during and after work hours. My point to this incident is without me saying a word at work his reputation is very bad. Other people at work admitted to me that they suspected John of incest and knew other things that John did and they told me a lot. I am very sorry that I had been with someone like that and I feel so guilty that I have exposed my kids to this person. I feel terrible for his daughters. I hope one day they will realize that they are not the only victims, they are not special like he tells them, they are amongst the many of his victims in the past and the future if he is not stopped.

sparklybutterfly wrote:they are not special like he tells them, they are amongst the many of his victims in the past and the future if he is not stopped.

This is true. And you knowing about this means that irrespective of how difficult it is, you need to make sure that the right ppl listen to follow things up here. I am sorry but I refuse to believe that no one will want to listen to you. I appreciate there are issues with your job but this takes precendence and there is a huge risk to others going on. I would hope that you would be mindful of that, esp given the kind of work you do. You need to push more with getting people to pay attention to this. you may not want to hear this but unfortunately it is true - whether or not it is difficult for you. You could always involve another person you trust eg a family member to help support you to do this. But the bottom line is that you need to tell someone who will act on it. otherwise he may well be a risk in the future as certainly has ben thus far. And I dont want to guilt trip you so I wont but perhaps have a think about how you feel about that.

Cracked

Edit

It sounds to me like your son has been abused, irrespective of whether there was penetration or not

I agree with you all. I thank you all for your concern and I am frustrated and embarrassed. At least someone out there is listening and understands my plight. I have not given up, people need to know that this kind of behavior and deviant acts do exist and occur on both sides of the bars. I think what it comes down to is people don't know how to react to this. It is not a question of whether or not they believe what I say. John has been caught in the past doing deviant acts as an officer and before he was an officer. I think that people are embarrassed and worried about their image. What does not make it easy for anyone to charge or convict (this John knows) is that his victims do not talk or tell the truth or they talk and then he is spoken to and then things are quiet for a while. He has been at this for quite some time. He knows what to say and what victims to choose. At one point in his career he was removed from his unit and placed in another unit because of charges against him. He was then closely watched. Now no one watches him now. He comes and goes as he pleases. He makes his own hours up. He involves himself in units that he does not belong in. John gets enjoyment out of ratting on other officers, be it something serious or the way the officers and above are performing their tasks. I have left two units and the facility because of his acts and behavior. Those were not the sexual harassment issues that he had. The sexual harassment issues I did not know about until I left him. I am so embarrassed and feel sorry for any of his victims, officer or civilian. I would argue with him over some of the things that he would boast about. He would be proud and happy to tell on people and get people in trouble. John would involve himself in other units where there was Sgt's and Lt's. His excuse would be and I quote "I can go in any area I want. There is a bunch of idiots in this dept. running these units. These Sgt's, Lt's and above do not know how to do their jobs!" I'm telling this so that people may understand how he is on the job and off duty. I'm telling of his acts and statements so that people may understand his character. John is the kind of person who is condescending, sneaky, selfish and feels that all people are stupid and he is superior to all. This applies to everyone the officers, his superiors and victims. There is more to him but too much to write here. Has anyone ever heard the term SOCIOPATH? Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

•Glibness and Superficial Charm


•Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.


•Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."


•Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.


•Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.


•Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.


•Incapacity for Love


•Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.


•Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.


•Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.


•Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.


•Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.


•Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.


•Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.


•Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.


Other Related Qualities:
1.Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2.Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3.Authoritarian
4.Secretive
5.Paranoid
6.Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7.Conventional appearance
8.Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9.Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10.Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11.Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12.Incapable of real human attachment to another
13.Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14.Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15.May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
There is more to this profile and explanation to this kind of person. Sorry this so long but like I said I have not given up. This in not an ex-girlfriend talking this is an officer, mother and woman who knows what this person has done.

Wow, when I read that profile of a sociopath, minus a few things, I thought to myself THIS IS JOHN! When I read this I'm thinking Johns photo should be in the center of the profile, and did a psychiatrist talk to him because it sounds like John. That is how he is like I said minus a couple of things. There is more to it for example there is a section on sociopaths, where we all think of the Ted Bundy like people. The truth is they don't have to be murderers. They come from all walks of life. As a matter of fact my psychologist compared him to John Wayne Gacy and I said even after all I have been through "get outta here". He explained it to me and then I researched it and my psychologist was right. Oh did I mention my psychologist is an FBI profiler. He does know what he is talking about. Anyway I thought I would show that so that maybe people will understand what I am up against. Between needing my job and protecting my kids this has not been an easy task. I have not given up though. I repeat I have not given up. Those memories of John and Emily having sex and Emily performing oral sex on her father will never leave me. I saw what I saw and that is the truth.

Some times I am overwhelmed with sadness for Johns victims and the last few days have been like that. I am grateful for my son and daughter though. They have helped me a great deal. The guilt is very overwhelming. I regret that I didn't stop John at the times that I witnessed John having sex with his daughter. My daughter was talking it over with me for quite some time last night and she is wiser than I give her credit for. She too agreed that he would've harmed Sean. Anyway I was thinking about his daughters and my son and what kind of long term effect does this have on them. I know with my son he gets sad if something triggers his memories about John and what he did. I am sorry for all that has happened. I only wish that I had known about Sean sooner. Those visions of John and Emily are haunting me. This is one of those moments.

Hey sparklybutterfly,

Some situations are really, really hard. What you did, could've been the only option you saw, with the resources you had available. I am glad that neither of your kids are in danger anymore, and neither are you.

From my part, I encourage you to keep on trying to unveil his mask. Or maybe contact his daughters. But believe that what you did is something very courageous. And you need emotional and other support to fight him. And you can't, nor should, do it alone. Support on to others, and don't carry that guilt with you.

I actually think that facing a guy like that, and having lived with him, and having left him, it's really brave.

Have peace of mind.

Sea

WHOOW, what you wrote down there about sociopath, psychopaths sounds like the story from a horror movie ...
I have been following your thread for some time now, I think you are real brave caring about your children so much, even trying to save other people by unveiling what this John person did to you and others!

It surprises/amazes me, that you keep fighting, against this psycho, I myself would have ran away a long time ago..., I am happy there is strong people like you out there, with never dwindling determination, how do you steel your mind, to keep going?
I myself did read alot about the 'code of the warrior', when I felt like there was no sense to it all, no reason to keep going, the code being that you could have died yesterday or a minute ago, and every other second, minute, hour that you live is a precious gift.
I think that inevitably means, that for a person with the mindset of a warrior, there is no odds too big stacked against you, there always is a way 2 overcome...horrible situations/encounters/foes!