For Those Falsely Accused Of Abusing **Trigger**

Okay then. I feel terrible! I just wanted to be all naughty and surprising towards her, like a fantasy. And after I started moving back and forth, she then reciprocated back and told me what do to next to her, like she wanted it. And after we were done, she wanted to have sex again.

So I thought it was all good, and she dated me for two more years, until I broke up with her. It was only after the break up that she now mentions that it was rape, and wish she had told me two years ago, rather than tell me to keep going during sex, and then saying she wanted to have sex again after.

I just wish I would have known back then, and I feel terrible!

-- Tue Dec 27, 2016 7:52 pm --

Okay then. I feel terrible! I just wanted to be all naughty and surprising towards her, like a fantasy. And after I started moving back and forth, she then reciprocated back and told me what do to next to her, like she wanted it. And after we were done, she wanted to have sex again.

So I thought it was all good, and she dated me for two more years, until I broke up with her. It was only after the break up that she now mentions that it was rape, and wish she had told me two years ago, rather than tell me to keep going during sex, and then saying she wanted to have sex again after.

I just wish I would have known back then, and I feel terrible!

I have moved this topic to Rape and Sexual Assault Forum and have left a shadow so that it can be seen by both forums and so that you can also hopefully receive more replies. I feel with the topic of "rape" in itself, it should be in the Rape and Sexual Assault Forum.

Dad publically accused me of 'asking him to rape me'
OK so when I was 14 my relationship with dad was messed up, He smoked marijuana with me (gave it to me), I was confused about some of the messages he was sending me, I was scared of him, I really believe he is sexually attracted to me and I have experienced inappropriate behavior from him like the smoking and once he and his girlfriend invited me into bed when i was 14 and they had sex, I bailed so fast. He has never appologised for this and part of me wants to believe it was just his way of 'giving me the sex talk.
One day, we were alone in my room i was 14, He didn't actually do anything but I was soo scared of him, that he was going to, I said "Are you going to rape me then?'
I said this aggressively as a way of defense like calling him out and disarm him, please understand I was really scared for my safety and scared of him using force, and I repeat he didn't do anything. Next week in a room full of adults (not my mother) he said " (my name) asked me to RAPE her the other day"like i really came onto him like Lolita. I was so humiliated, I wanted to just disappear. Also I was secretly angry that he was turning this on me, Even if he was innocent , he could have address the situation in a more mature and appropriate way , seeing how he is the dad and all.I get that maybe he was embarrest and didn't know what to do, but maybe he is just a master manipulator/emotionally immature
No one has ever talked about this event,its like it never happened, still shame evoking though

*mod edit*

Im not sure Im in the right place for posting this. I feel very uncomfortable and very sort of disillusioned about what my daughter has told the Social services in February but Iv only just had a copy of the minutes from my Ex wife who has stated that it reads like a Grimms fairy tail.
To give you a rough Idea what is going on with my daughter she has had 8 hours of interviews , 2 hours at a time with the *mod edit* social services concerning her being an unfit parent and interviewed her to see why or what was going on within her home life towards the children.During the interview apparently she said she is like she is due to the crap up bringing and the abuse Sexually from me when I was at home during my marriage. I can only say that for someone who hasn't, never wood think about anything like that I was utterly destroyed inside. She had accused her mum of standing by a letting it happen. I never thought that being blamed for something which DID not happen could be so mentally draining.
The point is that the social services are going to court with that and many other things about my daughter to use that to take the kids away from her. Legally does anybody know if they can use that in a defamatory way towards my character ? My ex wife thinks she used that as a sympathy card but it back fired on her. No one has contacted me or spoke to me , the paper work was drawn up in February and like I say this is the first Iv heard about it two days ago when my ex gave me a copy of the minutes. She was also quite upset when it was read out and my daughter , looked shocked that it was read out because her mum was there to support her. Hence my ex wife getting a copy .

Hi,

Just wanted to see if anyone can give me some advice. I have had allegations of a historical nature made against me by my sister. Things that we says happened over 30 years ago. I know she is lieing. bt how do I prove something hasn't happened? I have no idea how to do it, and I am concerned that she will be believed and I am going to get charged. I have only been interviewed under caution at the moment, and haven't been formally charged.

Kastle wrote:Hi,

Just wanted to see if anyone can give me some advice. I have had allegations of a historical nature made against me by my sister. Things that we says happened over 30 years ago. I know she is lieing. bt how do I prove something hasn't happened? I have no idea how to do it, and I am concerned that she will be believed and I am going to get charged. I have only been interviewed under caution at the moment, and haven't been formally charged.

Hello and welcome!

If you don't already have an attorney, I would strongly suggest engaging one. While we deal with mental health- including issues for people that have been accused of things- legal advice is beyond the scope of the forums.

I don't know how anyone can prove something happened 30 years ago (short of photographs or recordings), nor can I envision how anyone is supposed to prove something didn't happen. In a sane country, I would think it would be tossed out for lack of evidence, as far as a criminal case goes. Of course, that's assuming you live in a sane country. I can think of some that are most definitely not.

But then there's always a civil suit. Again, how can you prove a negative? I'd lawyer up.

I had my first daughter at just 17 years old. I knew nothing of being a dad. My parents were my only support, and my dad is my hero. My mother is a physically, emotionally and mentally abusive person who had molested me most of my childhood. I had my second daughter at 18.

After I split with the mother of my daughters, she lost custody of them. I was in no way able to be anything that was good to or for them at the time. Although I maintained regular contact with them, my personal life had gone to $#%^. So my parents took them in. I was starting to get myself together, and was in a relationship where I had taken on 4 step kids. The time was coming for me to bring my girls home.

As they were removed from their mother, my kids were in the care of child services, and my mother was receiving a healthy amount of money for having them.

My father left my mother, and she had my girls on her own. So I stepped up how much I was in their lives.

Around 12 months after leaving my mum, my dad finds that my little brother had been molesting his 2 step daughters and removed him from the house. My mother knew this when she allowed him to stay with her and my girls.

Naturally I lost my $#%^ and removed him not so delicately.

My visits continued until one Christmas morning when my mother picked a fight with me and kicked me out. My visitation was taken from me. After months and months of fighting to see my girls, out of the blue my mother contacts me, wanting me to go away with her and the girls to her caravan on the south coast. Blinded by my need to see my children, I missed all the warning signs and alarm bells. She tells me of her jntention to move my brother in to her new house so she can afford to pay the rent. I tell her, if she does, I will take my girls and begin my long awaited battle for sole custody. The weekend goes by without a hitch, and the girls and me had a blast ( by now they are 6 and 7 years old). A few weeks later, it is nearing the weekend and I am preparing to leave my partner and step kids to go see my girls. My partner and I have discussed the idea of bringing them home, and she is in full support.

A knock on the door, it's sex crime police detectives. I am stunned that they are arresting ME. My mother has accused me of assaulting my own daughters on our weekend away. This is impossible, how can they believe her. The story police give me is so fanciful I don't think there's a chance she has been believed, but she has.

I was refused bail, and spent 6 months in prison as a child sex offender awaiting trial.
My day in court comes and I am exonerated, acquitted on all charges. Even though this is the case, I am still estranged from my girls.

Life has never been the same for them or myself since. I'm happy to say that my younger daughter ( now 20) is back in my life. She has openly told me of what she was forced to day to police, and what abuses have befallen her since I was removed from her life. Both at the hands of my mother, and my brother. There is so much, that we are having to comb through bit by bit before police pursue charges against both of them.

I had 3 sons to my ex before living under the cloud of accusation got to her and she left me. I don't blame her. Even though I was found not guilty, as they say, $#%^ sticks. Now my baby girl is home, I have been able to clear my name wholly, but the damage was done.

I am now focussed on, and my life is dedicated to, undoing all the mental and psychological damage done to my daughters. It's a long, slow and difficult road, but the damage done to me and my life is nothing compared to the damage done to my girls. I love them both dearly, and will stop at nothing to see them healthy and happy. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I am only one of MANY men who get falsely accused. We live in a world where someone can point the finger and the man is instantly the enemy. Many good men are being destroyed, and make no mistake, it is soul destroying, by spiteful and vengeful people who use the collective consciousness of society as a form of retribution or vengeance

I don't know if this is the right platform to tell about my problem as I don't see my past experience as an abuse and a traumatic incident but some developments have happened which is deeply unsettling for me.

I have an older sister who is 3 years older than me and basically we sexually explored with each other.
I could have been 7 or 8 years old when we started fooling around. And it began with cuddles and kisses and hugs. And SHE started it. And I didn't mind the beginnings but as things progressed I did resist. It was too intimate too fast.

But as some weeks went by, i started enjoying it more, especially when she gave oral. Eventually we did start having sex and genuinely we enjoyed each other. It continued till our mid to late teens. Never felt any negative repercussions or had any bad blood between us. I used to joke us as siblings with benefits and we both laughed about it often and all was good.

It all stopped gradually after she moved out and it just felt like the phase was over. And it never got spoken of.
But now after covid and all, when we did meet up at home, she started reminiscing about stuff. Idk if she was thinking about this during covid or she spontaneously thought of on seeing our old rooms.


At first it was like do you remember those days and I was like yeah, it was crazy and she was like a yeah, was lot of fun.
But lately when the question of who initiated came up and I explained it was her, she started being defensive.
At first she said I was being too touchy with her, then it was that I was jumping on her and making her do stuff, next time she said I forced myself upon her!
And I'm like shocked the whole time as she was changing the details and the narrative. I feel, she is just short of saying I raped her at this point!

And I'm just totally shocked. Why is she lying? And I tried to make her talk and accept the truth but now she is talking like I was the initiator and I forced it and I maintained it etc etc. Like it was all me.
Like actually it was her and though I resisted at first, I eventually enjoyed the time together.
I see it as consensual and mutually good at this time and not even complaining that she was the perpetrator or whatever.

Why is she going so defensive and now offensive? Is she feeling guilty or anything, that she initiated?
And actually there isn't a major divide between us, but still she won't agree to the details.
I'm just worried and unsettled..

Hello, and welcome!

Your post has been moved into the thread for those falsely accused.

It's my understanding that sexual experimentation isn't uncommon and while it may have led to something a bit more inappropriate, the fact you don't really consider it life-changing doesn't seem to give it the weight of 'abuse', so setting that aside, it seemed more appropriate here...

Perhaps she does feel guilty. The Remorse forum here is full of people who, in my mind often innocently enough, sexually experimented and fooled around as children, then in their adult years they get gripped by overwhelming guilt, judging their actions as adolescents thru the lens of adulthood, holding their past selves to a standard they likely weren't capable of holding simply because they weren't old enough to behave appropriately when the fooling around started. Maybe... Maybe to assuage her own accusatory mind, she's somehow convinced herself that it wasn't her.