I'm not pretty enough so how do I feel beautiful

xandrew245x wrote:I am a guy, and I myself don't think I am very good looking, I wouldn't even call myself cute. I am really shy to, and have social anxiety so I defiantly wouldn't just start talking to some girl. Like a lot of people have said, all guys have different types. Sure its nice to look at a girl that I would feel would be a 10/10 to most people, but the girls I am more attracted to are the cute girls, the ones that have imperfections, but aren't afraid to show them off. I hate how most guys say about how hot some girls are, and really I look at them, and I don't even think they are that attractive. I am defiantly one for the average, shy, cute girl, like yourself.

You saying that I'm the average/cute girl and not the 10/10 is an insult to me. that is what is wrong with me, that no one sees me as beautiful yet they see others as beautiful that I believe I look just as good as. I don't want to be average, cute.

-- Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:31 pm --

The things I've been dealing with and the way people treat me is not normal or average. The average person does not deal with this, so I don't even believe I can be average looking. I must be below average or ugly.

Hey i just register here to give you reply..You cant change the way people see you.
Self esteem,confidence is a two way thing means you think good about yourself and other people (at list many of them) think good about you.Just because you think your are beautiful doesnt mean world is going to see you that way and its ok.As we age we all are going to loose that physical beauty.Confidence and self esteem can be derive by other things like being popular ,being glam,being an artist,being funny.Physical beauty i just one factor.
Your are in conflict because you want world to acknowledge you,appreciate you for what you dont have.May be its a high time to tell yourself its ok if world doest appreciate me for my physical beauty i will have it by other mean.

caught_in_the_rain wrote:

xandrew245x wrote:I am a guy, and I myself don't think I am very good looking, I wouldn't even call myself cute. I am really shy to, and have social anxiety so I defiantly wouldn't just start talking to some girl. Like a lot of people have said, all guys have different types. Sure its nice to look at a girl that I would feel would be a 10/10 to most people, but the girls I am more attracted to are the cute girls, the ones that have imperfections, but aren't afraid to show them off. I hate how most guys say about how hot some girls are, and really I look at them, and I don't even think they are that attractive. I am defiantly one for the average, shy, cute girl, like yourself.

You saying that I'm the average/cute girl and not the 10/10 is an insult to me. that is what is wrong with me, that no one sees me as beautiful yet they see others as beautiful that I believe I look just as good as. I don't want to be average, cute.

-- Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:31 pm --

The things I've been dealing with and the way people treat me is not normal or average. The average person does not deal with this, so I don't even believe I can be average looking. I must be below average or ugly.

Has any guy ever shown you interest and told you that you're pretty? I mean anytime even if it was one time.

Bit of a catch-22 involved, but people respond to confidence. If not confident in yourself, people will overlook you for those that are. But without getting any attention socially you may not develop that confidence. As the perpetual loner through school and as an adult what I've found is that this is a concern found only among the young. Once you're living the adult life you'll have endless other things going for you to make you socially appealing. Me, I bake treats and share them with my community. People love to see me walking towards them with a foil wrapped plate and smile and greet me like I was the most handsome thing going. If I wanted to parlee' that into an 'in' to talk I could, but it's not why I do it. Conversation's a social skill I never developed. Always been a decent writer though so played to my strength socializing online instead of irl.

Physical attractiveness is often the 'in' for other people. But if you think even a little about it you see how absolutely trivial it is. Dya really want people responding to how you look and not for who you are? Doesn't that mean those people are just going to be shallow superficial types more likely to abandon you for the next pretty face who comes along? And do you really wanna have to fixate on how you look 24/7 instead of developing your mind instead? We loose our looks a lot sooner than our minds.

If you absolutely positively gotta be one of the pretty people, way to go about it's simple enough: promise sex or flirt and no matter how you look you'll be popular. People don't gravitate to physically attractive people hoping for all-nighter conversations over coffee, it's 100% about the hope for sex. Lead people on subtlely and even indefinitely and you'll have the same power a supermodel does. People pair up hoping for sex and nothing else, otherwise they're just friends with each other and how we look doesn't enter into it.

Lets be real. There are some extra ordinary attractive women out there and then there is everyone else. I would describe myself as a 7.5 maybe. I used to hang out with a group of attractive girls. 2 of them were more attractive than me. In the clubs and parties we went to the crowd that we socialised with were always approaching those ladies before me. They used to wear dresses and heals and I made the effort but I never felt comfortable in this. The male attention that they receive is mostly shallow and by the wrong type of male. 9 out of 10 of these blokes are not worth their time. This is how you need to think about it. Unless you are going to be wearing revealing, unflattering, dare I say 'slutty' clothes you should be glad that you do not receive as much male attention as my 2 attractive friends. If a meaningful, quality, long term relationship is what you want with a man then attracting guys attention all over the place is not the successful way to do it. You probably know this, yet you feel bad because your ego wants some of that action. That way to feel validated. The best way to get over that validation hounding is to work on your confidence. Do this in another hobby, martial arts? wall climbing? anything that is out of your comfort zone. Anything that when you succeed at it you will feel good. I think a lot of these negative reactions are probably being exaggerated in your head. Not saying they don't happen, but probably not on the level that you think. I found that once I gained more confidence I stopped paying attention to people with negativity and then the negativity more or less disappeared.
You also sound like the issue stems from how you and your sister are treated. Could you have an open, honest and not accusing conversation with who ever treats you like this and explain to them that you do not appreciate being compared to your sister in this way.

I've been there. I've been told I'm unattractive, by my own mother. In school I was called ugly and kids even barked at me and called me a dog. On top of that I was luving with I diagnosed mental illness. My life was a nightmare.
One of the things I hear coming from you a lot is other peoples opinion of how you look. I believe that their beliefs have become hammered into you so deeply that you know base your own opinion by the standards of morons. In that you are not alone. Almost everyone does. But you don't have to. I believe you are an American living in America? I am to and in regards to physical appearance, Anericans are complete asses. An almost unachievable "standard" has been given to us as an example of what is desirable and people buy into it, putting pressure on themselves and each other. But you don't have to buy I to it. There is no reason in my mind that anyone has to measure themselves with anyone's idea of what is acceptable. Majority is a lot of people. But that doesn't make them right. Do what you think makes you feel beautiful. Wear what makes you feel good. If you love make up, have at it. If you can't look at yourself in the mirror and see beauty, your going to have to build yourself on the inside! I'm not being an idiot here, but everyone posses physical beauty. But I think it's time for you to use your own standards. No one can say that you are ugly and make it be true. It's obvious you have self esteem issues, but please try and stop isolating yourself. Why do "beautiful" people go to the gym and buy make up? Most people have some kind of an issue regarding their appearance. But it stems from the opinions of others and what they were taught beauty is. Make up your own definition. Who says you can't? But you need to work on the inside and start with redifining things on your own terms. Letting go is hard and so is that kind of change, but when you let go of the weight what so and so's opinion is and realize that what there opinion is isn't worth a pile of beans anyways, you might be able to start to understand that you're who you are and accept yourself. Really, only then can you radiate.

Dear caught in the rain, I have been through this and I'm hearing some things in your posts that really bother me. I want to make sure you know that I feel most of what you say makes perfect sense. I've seen the discrepancies in the way people get treated because of how they look. Heck, people reject perfectly good food if it doesn't look a certain way. What I would love to hear from you though is that you don't care what other people think. I feel you are allowing people to guide you in your own beliefs. You can't change the wind, but you control the sail. What do I mean by that? I mean you will NEVER be able to change what people think, do, and say. The only thing you can change is the way YOU handle it. Seriously, you have rejected everyone who has replied to your post. You are so deep in your emotion you can't even accept positive. What do you want to hear? You want us to say "you're right. You're beyond hope." Well, no one is saying that because no one believes that. Why are you so willing to accept and own the negativity thrown your way, but not the help? Your the one who needs to change because the rest of the world isn't going to. This is on you and the advise I gave you in my last post is true. Stop letting other people set your standards. Measure yourself with your own system and don't let the way other people treat you guide you in who you are. You are letting people drag you down. You are giving them power when you do. I'm not in any way claiming this will be an easy project. No way. I can see you're determined to hold on tight to what you've been taught, but you'll never be happy with yourself until you unlearn the incorrect things you're holding on so dearly to and find yourself, the you that is YOU. Not the one others have told you you can claim. NO ONE has that right. Now stop giving it to them. Feel free to PM me. I've overcome this and it's going to take more than a post to help you out. I think you're worth it.

Girl, you aren't the only one that doesn't feel pretty enough. I don't either. Guys barely talk to me because people say I am so shy which is the absolute truth. I am a very shy person, I talk to people but I make small talk with people, especially females. I'm too shy when it comes to talking to boys because I never be wanting to give off the impression that I like the guy or am interested in him. I'm a old school type of girl because I believe that a guy should approach the girl because I be seeing so many girls approach guys and end up being disappointed because the guy isn't interested in them. I try not to be the type of girl that approaches the guy first so I try to wait until they approach me but it never seems to happen because I guess they can tell that I have low self esteem because I sometimes hold my head down and I don't make any eye contact with anyone and sometimes guys don't approach a female if they look like they don't want to be bothered. Trust me girl you are not alone and don't beat yourself up you're beautiful even though I don't know how you look but you have to say that to yourself because if you don't think you are who will? I have a lot of days where I feel like crap and I cry a lot because I always feel like I wish I was prettier because it seems like all the other girls can get guys but I cant. I'm a light skin African American girl and I have a very dark skin friend who isn't pretty(no offense). But anyway there's so many guys that go after her and I don't understand why. My friend looks like the type that is very confident and portrays that she is very confident so that's probably why guys go after her. But I feel like if there are no guys coming after you then that just means they don't deserve you because a real guy will love you for who you are and you will know it because he will show you that he really cares about u and he loves the way you look. Maybe all these other guys are looking for a specific girl whether she's tall, short, skinny, thick, nerdy, fat, looks like a model, or whatever. Every guy has their own preference and just because guys are looking at your sis and smiling and stuff doesn't mean they think you are unattractive. A person can look at you in a disgusted way but you don't know how they truly feel about you unless they tell you so don't get caught up in how a person looks at you, unless they say u are ugly then that's different. But even if they do say you are ugly that's just their opinion not every girl is attractive to every guy. Even with celebrities not every guy is gonna be attracted to the same female believe it or not. And plus celebrities are just normal people who wear lots of makeup but anyway just wait because there will be guys that adore u and love how you look. And if you wear makeup and stylish clothes just try different styles that make you look even more amazing and try different makeup looks. I get guys who look at me all the time but never say a word. And I get guys that look at me and smile and then look away. Guys don't approach me though maybe because they are scared of rejection so you never know whats in guys heads. And also the fact that you are skinny is great girl I wishhhhhhhhhh I was skinny im on the thick side and I rather be skinny because I feel like that will make me more confident and I will be on the healthier side so trust me you will have guys coming after you theres just a time where you have to just wait!

Onebravegirl wrote:I dont think your appearance is why you are not getting male attention. The type of men you describe are Men like who like confidence, cheerful, energetic types.
There are many types of men hun. Some like quiet and gentle girls. Some like mousy girls who love donuts.
My point is that you need to find out who YOU are. What is it about yourself that you value? That you are proud of? Dont try and be like your sister, be like YOU.
Once you figure out who you are, then you can begin to figure out what you would like to be appreciated for. You are going to find certain types of men in certain types of settings. A guy you meet in a club for example will most likely be looking for a different type of girl than a guy in a quiet coffee shop.
And as far as beauty goes, remember Meagan Fox? Supposedly she was being labeled one of the most beautiful women in the world. Then she opened her mouth with all her conceit and it wrecked her career.
Beauty is a facade.
What do your thumbs look like? Meagan Fox doesnt have the prettiest ones in the world. https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/image ... kOgg5b37yj
So there you go, you probably already have something going for you that she doesnt.
Start looking at what you have going for you and stop comparing yourself to others hun! You are lovely in all sorts of ways that others are not. SEE that in yourself and it will be noticeable to guys too.
One

my husband expects me to be thin. he recently lost weight and i "stick out" even more. i feel so ugly too. problem is, he married me, expecting me to stay slim and get thinner like i said i wanted, but that's not my body type. i'm very muscular and big boned.
i'm dying over this.

-- Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:38 am --

caught_in_the_rain wrote:No its not just from within, that's what everyone wants to believe, but its not true

i agree. men are typically superficial. my husband can be.

-- Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:39 am --

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:it is though. being physically attractive and being beautiful are not the same thing.

i don't agree.