I'm not pretty enough so how do I feel beautiful

a toad will never be beautiful

toads are adorable to me

may be some one will like youre eyes, or youre voice, or youre personality

there are alot of things in a human to like, dont discount them all for the one flaw

so how do I feel beautiful

thats a tuffie! but think about other cool things about youre self

this post is old, but I will say that people do say I have pretty eyes or guys will look at my legs, but it still hurts that my face is not beautiful, that's my point. I want my face to be beautiful to people, not just my eyes you know?

I went inpatient because of depression, mostly over my appearance and even in there it was bad. This guy said "you have pretty eyes, Im a portrait artist I can see beauty in anything." Meaning I had pretty eyes but the rest of my face is crap. After he said that I froze. It's crazy, he didn't even know what I was in there for. How do I get people to stop the insults, they hurt so bad. I do not ask for it. I don't even think they know they insult me. It's like I don't even have a chance in hell to feel good about myself, there's always an insult. Even when someone compliments me, the person next to them says an insult. One time a guy said I was pretty and his friend said I have a big nose. Then at work someone said I was a hot secretary and someone else standing there said 'I dont think so". Why do other women get to get compliments when they aren't that hot, but I can't? Why can't they leave a compliment be? I'm sorry to even say this I'm ashamed but I can't feel good about myself. It's bad.
Even my own family does this. They will say my sister is beautiful but when it comes to me it's just "oh hi". Come on. I'm not THAT ugly . I promise you you can see beauty in me, it's almost like people are being a pain on purpose. While my sister is a truly beautiful girl, I believe I am too. I went out by myself and asked guys what they thought of me. I got "oh you're ok". I wanted to kill them. I can't stand this.

I know I sound weak and people will say it's up to me to change the way I think. I just want to be beautiful so bad, I feel horrible.

I feel the exact same way.

Everyone is so obsessed with confidence and self-esteem and I feel like my problem is the opposite of that.
It's like noone can comprehend that yes, people do realize what your face looks like in comparison to that of others and nope, you can't use your "confidence" or however thick makeup to automatically appear to be a pageant queen to them.
If you haven't got the right bone structure, thick makeup can just make you look like a clown.

This gets ignored as an issue thanks to hot girls who get compliments all the time and still feel the need to whine so nobody thinks looks are EVER anything to feel sad about now Like, you can feel sad about anything else, but not the way you look. It's just stupid societal brainwashing. Heaven forbid you not be happy with others getting away with always giving you the least respect compared to other girls. No, the problem always has to be you. The inside of you, of course. We're all physically perfect and the same on the outside of course, and always get treated as such

Most women are probably average appearance-wise. Older women (women>40) are generally less attractive (1's through 5's) and younger women (women<40) are generally above average (6's through 10's). I've yet to see a woman who I would personally label a 10. The highest I've seen in person are probably 8's, maybe 8.5's. It's hard to tell if your feelings are justified or not because I don't know what you look like, but if you're a 7 or 8, I'd say they're probably not justified because that means you're prettier than 95% of the population which I guess would make you beautiful.

Kabuhi wrote:Most women are probably average appearance-wise.

Yeah, that's why you call them average.

And when they're not, what then?

What if they don't get told they're pretty because they are below average in the eyes of the majority?

And the majority doesn't take their complaints seriously because, just as your post illustrates, most people have no experience with being below average, or how you're treated differently because of that. Nor are they worried about it because hey, most people average. And some are lucky. And those that are misfortunate...Well they should just shut up and get over it, huh God forbid they aren't happy with their lot in life. Ruining everyone's mood, geesh They have important problems to think about, like when Lindsay Lohan will finally go to prison

phadl wrote:

Kabuhi wrote:Most women are probably average appearance-wise.

Yeah, that's why you call them average.

And when they're not, what then?

What if they don't get told they're pretty because they are below average in the eyes of the majority?

And the majority doesn't take their complaints seriously because, just as your post illustrates, most people have no experience with being below average, or how you're treated differently because of that. Nor are they worried about it because hey, most people average. And some are lucky. And those that are misfortunate...Well they should just shut up and get over it, huh God forbid they aren't happy with their lot in life. Ruining everyone's mood, geesh They have important problems to think about, like when Lindsay Lohan will finally go to prison

I don't think I've dismissed the OP complaints. I simply communicated that I don't know if the OP is truly below average or not and then went on to articulate some of my opinions regarding female attractiveness. It's very possible that the OP could be a 3 or a 4 on my scale of female beauty, but how would I know? If she's a younger, fertile woman, probability dictates that she falls on the upper half of my scale but again how would I know?

My point is what she is compared to other girls has nothing to do with her problem.

Her problem is feeling good about herself while other people don't treat her as though she's as attractive as other girls are. So how does she still feel good about herself?

You don't need to know what nr she is to answer this question. It doesn't matter.

It's a psychological question.

Or are you saying if women know they are below average on the 1-10 scales there is no way they can ever feel good about themselves and are never happy with themselves?

Not to mention age has nothing to do with it. Do supermodels quit being supermodels after they reach menopause? You seem to not realize an attractive face is about bone structure and genetics, not fertility - the body is an indicator of fertility.

phadl wrote:My point is what she is compared to other girls has nothing to do with her problem.

Her problem is feeling good about herself while other people don't treat her as though she's as attractive as other girls are. So how does she still feel good about herself?

You don't need to know what nr she is to answer this question. It doesn't matter.

It's a psychological question.

Or are you saying if women know they are below average on the 1-10 scales there is no way they can ever feel good about themselves and are never happy with themselves?

Not to mention age has nothing to do with it. Do supermodels quit being supermodels after they reach menopause? You seem to not realize an attractive face is about bone structure and genetics, not fertility - the body is an indicator of fertility.

phadl, I think you're getting very confused. I know and have acknowledged that her problem is a psychological one. Also age and fertility biologically have plenty to do with a woman's perceived attractiveness. But the point remains that I can't really identify precisely what the psychological root of the OP's problems are. Is the OP really not perceived by people to be physically beautiful and is not treated as well as other women as a result or is the OP actually above average or physically highly attractive but suffers from some form of body dysmorphia?

All I've really done are list factual to create accurate impression of what's normal female beauty and what's not. Most women are not drop-dead gorgeous, but are around average with younger women generally being higher on the attractiveness scale and older women being lower on the attractiveness scale. Most women have some physical flaws since they would all be 10s without them, but those flaws don't automatically make them unattractive or ugly.

You are the one getting confused about the OP's problem.

Yes, most people are average. What is your point? Everyone knows most people are neither gorgeous or ugly or walking around the street would look like a catwalk, or a circus . That's where the terms gorgeous and ugly come from. They are used for people who are either above or below most people in attractiveness.

The OP has said that she finds herself to be attractive. So where's the body dysmorphia then? She sees her own face as being pretty, the opposite of body dysmorphic disorder.

She has issue of others not perceiving her to be pretty even though she herself does.
She said she is not as attractive to other people as her sister or other girls are. But she herself finds nothing wrong with her face. So it's impossible for her to have body dysmorphic disorder when she herself likes her own face the way it is.

She wants other people to like her face, like they like her sister's face.

What about this do you not understand?

Something just doesn't seem right....do average people really get treated that way? Could I really be delusional and think I'm attractive when I'm not?
I really feel shock when people treat me like they do, I seriously don't see myself the way they do, or else I wouldn't feel shocked, right? I literally feel this coldness and shock when someone says my sister is prettier than me. It's not like "Oh I know she is" Another thing is the joy in people's faces to my reaction of disappointment. They enjoy insulting me and like that it hurts. They get this smirk on their face.
I went through a stage when I was 16 where I would look in the mirror and try to figure out what the heck was wrong with my face and what were people seeing. My mom thought I had bdd and still to this day thinks I thought I was ugly. But it was more of a confusion of why people didn't see me as attractive as my friends and sister. I can't explain it to anyone - I guess all I can say is that I'm delusional in a good way.

But the insults from others have just become a nightmare for me that I can not escape from. It just doesn't seem ordinary, average, regular to be insulted and knocked down consistently like I am.
I went on the bdd forum here and I hardly relate. Maybe I should try the delusional forum. I'm really starting to think I'm delusional
I can't get this image out of my head when I was at this family event, I don't go anymore, and my aunt's friend was there and she was talking with my sister and was so friendly with her. She was talking to her about hooking her up with her son or something. A little later I smiled at her, we were sitting at the same table. She glared at me so cruelly in return. That memory constantly goes around in my head these days. I just felt so awful after she did that.
I feel very unsafe in this world. I'm not very tough either, as you can probably tell. I'm sensitive and on the kind/naïve/sweet side. It doesn't help me to be that way, but it is me.