Re: i have self esteem problems

Hey do you sometime look in the mirror and dont like what you see, well i feel like that and thats almost everday. like everyday i feel ugly and i dont know what to do about it. and im not the only one who thinks so like guys thinks so like they called me hurtful names and its just so hard to believe that im pretty who ever feels this way you can comment or pm me

Yes, I feel the same. For a guy I seem to be obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror. I know I'm not attractive. I'm short and skinny and have acne problems. I'm 23 and I've seen many kids who are 14 that are taller and have more muscles than I do. I also have a permanent 'tired' look in my face. I don't think there was ever a girl who was attracted to me and it pisses me off every time I see girls with other guys or talk about other guys. It also doesn't help that I am member of the least desirable ethnic group in terms of male attractiveness.

vanity wrote:It also doesn't help that I am member of the least desirable ethnic group in terms of male attractiveness.

I didn't even know there was a least desirable or least attractive ethnic group.

Is it worth saying that attractiveness is not just about what you see in the mirror, but includes things like body language, attitude and confidence? I've seen good-looking people that I find really unattractive. Rather plain-looking people can be very appealing imho.

Why do you think you feel ugly babygirl? Maybe you need to spend some time with elderly people. They'll try to set you straight and reminisce about how they wish they were still young and attractive like you are.

Uhh thanks playtupus that relly made me laugh. i dont know it all started when all these guys called me ugly so when i look in the mirror i saw what they saw so its hard for me to believe my family, plus family are suppose to say you beautiful. and i know that if you saw me you wouldnt be sayin all this. but thanks how old are you because you sound like you are 24 years. lol

Hey vanity join the club i get upset to when i see all these girls have guys all up on them and it hurts cause i feel ill never find that special someone. and i know this might be hypercrite but i like helpin others with there sel esteem so please listen to this maybe some day youll find someone that doesnt care about the looks but care about the brains you know what they say looks come go but brains will always stay and plus you're only 23 you're still looking to find you're way.

Hey babygirl,

I'm a bit older than you, so maybe I've had a little more practice at dealing with silly boys… although I still get it wrong sometimes!

Remember it's SELF-esteem. It's how you value yourself. It's not meant to be about the dumb things other people say about you.

I've sometimes thought that what people say about you, actually says more about them, than it does about you.

For example, if I imagine I was one of the guys who said you were ugly, why would I do that? If it were an obvious fact that you were actually ugly, there'd be no reason for me to say it, would there? It'd be like me calling you "female" or "human" i.e. rather pointless.

So perhaps you upset me in some way. Maybe you didn't laugh at my joke. Maybe you flirted with one of the other boys. Maybe you said "No" when I asked you on a date. Your didn't make me feel cool or handsome. I want all the girls to like me, but you made me feel ugly. I don't want to feel that way. So I'm going to punish you for it. I'm going to call you ugly. Yeah you stupid ugly girl. What would you know? I don't even care what you think, because you don't even matter, you're just ugly!

See what I mean? We tend to see or judge people by how they make us feel, which often has little to do with who they really are. So what someone says about you can really be about their own insecurities and fears. It may have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or how you look. Some people are just weak bullies, and try to make themselves feel better by putting other people down.

As for your family, they aren't supposed to do anything. They don't have to be nice to you if they don't want to. I would guess that if they say you're beautiful, it's because they appreciate you; you make them feel good. They see you as a beautiful person for the happiness you give them, and they want to return that happiness to you by telling you that you are beautiful. Being beautiful is about more than looks. The world could do with more beautiful people!

Thanks i never really thought of that way but most of the time i dont do anything and they still want to make fun of me. but most of the time i sometimes i act hard and act like i dont like the joke or just dont put up with their BS they make fun of me WOW but its not really their fault why i think im ugly its pretty much my own fault they just make it worst. maybe thats why i get scared of getting close to a guy cause im scared that im not that good enough or scared that im boring or scared that they will find someone way hotter than i am. i always tell my self not to think of these things but im end up doin this but thanks for makin me feel a little better so maybe next time when someone calls me ugly or anything i'll just think that they are just upset that im not like the other girls. which im not. I do want to tell you more but i dont want to jabber or being a drama queen. thanks for listenin to me

babygirl911 wrote:most of the time i dont do anything and they still want to make fun of me.

To me that suggests they really are weak bullies. I'd try to ignore them.

babygirl911 wrote:but its not really their fault why i think im ugly its pretty much my own fault they just make it worst.

Yeah I think you're right. If you had more belief in your self, you would realise how silly and pathetic those boys are. Because you haven't yet got enough confidence in your self and how good you look, those boys are able to hurt you. Try not to let them!

babygirl911 wrote:maybe thats why i get scared of getting close to a guy cause im scared that im not that good enough or scared that im boring or scared that they will find someone way hotter than i am.

Yes, it could well be. If you don't have high self-esteem, you may be afraid of letting other people get to know, as you may think they won't like you or that you aren't good enough. But there's no need to be like that. If someone enjoys your company, and you enjoy their company, then just have fun together.

Try not to judge or compare yourself to other people. If they wanted the company of someone less boring or hotter, they wouldn't be spending time with you. So if they are happy to hang out with you, then you know they think you're okay.

But you know what, even if they didn't like you and they chose to spend time with one of the other girls, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. We all like different things! You could pick twenty people at random and put them in a party together. You could then ask them to choose who the hottest person there is. I think you can almost guarantee that they won't all pick the same person. The boy I think is handsome, you may think is ugly. The boy you like, I might think he's too quiet.

Part of growing-up is working out who you are and where you 'fit'. You don't have to like or please everyone. Just find the kind of people that you do like, and who make you feel good about yourself.

babygirl911 wrote: do want to tell you more but i dont want to jabber or being a drama queen.

You can write as much as you like babygirl. This is a good place for jabbering.

Okay thanks dont get grossed out by this but this is why i dont like guys my age they are stupid and pathetic but older guys they are sweet and nice thanks for helpin me out

Babygirl we all have issues with our self esteem and what each person is comfortable with sometimes can determine how confident they are. I know that for example I find it easier to talk to ladies than guys now but as a teen I struggled to talk to the girls because of other issues which since have been sorted out to a certain extent and of course that has made things easier.

I can talk to older and younger people equally but I find that those around my age have preconceived ideas about things while the older people like to have someone to talk to and the younger people are interested in learning and understanding things more.

People making fun of others usually for several reasons, the main reason is to make themselves feel better and look better in their own eyes and build their own self esteem. The other reason could be fear or jealousy, as a lot of people are fearful of what people think about them and sometimes they use the poking fun of others to deflect ensure they are protected from them whereas jealousy causes people to sometimes poke fun because they may actually see you as a nicer, prettier person than themselves and this makes them jealous of you, so they poke fun to again lift their own self image.