Insecurity about other women

I hate women who act and dress provocatively,I can't stand random men looking at other women,I hate anyone commenting on how another woman is beautiful(including celebrities),I feel like killing someone when I hear someone say someone else is hot or sexy and I feel sick when I think of a guy thinking about a woman being hot.And I can't watch porn with women in it,I get too jealous.

 Men are realistic. We know beautiful women are unattainable for all but a very few men. So, we focus on what we can have. 

How is this comforting?I'd rather die alone then be with some loser who can't get a woman he wants so he's settling for me.

I'm glad I found this and was also surprised to see all the more recent posts considering how old this thread is. I of course have this problem myself. I am 24 years old, recently married. I feel I should say I've had this problem since I was young but it was very mild, i think a normal amount of insecurity, nothing out of the normal.

Up to last year my self esteem was very high, even In the relationships where I had been unfaithful towards. I know I'm not the pretties color in the crayon box but I also know I'm not bad looking. I have never had a problem dating or having male company when I wanted it. Then something in me completely changed (and may I add I hate the change entirely). I got married this last October and I have never been more insecure. Same thing as most of these ladies, I get annoyed, irritated sometimes even offended when we watch something that obtains nudity, when I know that hes been watching porn, when we watch a movie that has any type of female that I know he finds attractive. It's a constant battle of comparison in my mind. Sometimes gets me depressed because I know its a problem and I hate feeling this way. My husband had been trying to be more expressive with me but is not that much normally.. its not very often that he tells me I'm beautiful, hot or sexy... Now there are other issues that play into me having this sudden low self esteem but my husband and I are trying to work through them. I just really fell like feeling like this is ruining my life and it keeps me from being entirely happy.

Men are extremely visual.Men notice beautiful women, men may even be taken aback by a beautiful woman, but as soon as she is out of sight, she is also out the minds of most men as well

I feel like this is a bit flawed. Everyone has a bit of lust in them, a bit of a wandering eye at times. I don't feel like "men being extremely visual" should justify a constant action. Some men must learn self control, especially, out of respect for their women and if they know their women are going through something like this. Its not a wonderful feeling to have low self esteem and then catch your man staring at another female.

Men are realistic. We know beautiful women are unattainable for all but a very few men. So, we focus on what we can have

This is a horrible OPINION, and I'm sure it didn't make anyone feel any better. Men know beautiful women are unattainable so you settle for what you have. Why would I ever feel good about me being someone the person I love settled for? That's horrible!

and last but not least

Most men deserve more credit than you are giving us. When we are truly in love and committed to a woman and we see a beautiful woman in person, the second thought that comes into our minds is, "Oh, well, I am in a committed relationship."

The second thought? Maybe I'm being unrealistic but I thought that if you were truly committed and in love that would probably be your first thought not your second.. and again "Oh well" probably because they settled? lol I don't think your post was meant to offend anyone but I don't think you worded it very well... there is no reason why a mans behavior should be justified just because the is a man.

My personal view on this is that as women we put so much emphasis on the belief that to be sexy, attractive etc we have to look like the models in mags and actress' on the big screen. Blaming men alone for being visual creatures i think is unfair. Women are just as guilty of this as men. At the end of the day its human nature to always look at whats around us. We need to stop believing the only beauty is what is portrayed in magazines and on the TV. I am fully aware that my fiancee checks out other girls, he doesnt make it obvious or anything, but its like a glance. I to am guilty of checking out other people, how ever i am pansexual, therefore i am gender blind. I still recognise beauty in any gender though. I spoke to my fiancee about my insecurities and how fat and ugly i felt, so i asked him to point out a girl that i would think is attractive that he believes i am just as pretty and skinny as. Tell you what i got a shock. What he see's in me is so very different to what i see. He see's me as a really attractive woman with a nice figure. Having him point out a girl that i found attractive that he sees me the same as really opened my eyes. The women he has said i am just as pretty as and in the same category as have been some pretty gorgeous women. This tells me the problem lies with how we see ourselves. I was able to see myself through his eyes, and it was nothing like what i thought. Knowing this has helped my confidence. Another thing he does to help me boost my confidence is he will point out to me when there is a guy checking me out. It seems that it was all in my head. I think for most of us women it really is just in our minds. We see ourselves in the worse form which is not an accurate description of what our partners see in us. As much as i would like to sit here and say that we can also lay the blame with men for not complimenting us enough, or catching them looking at another women, i dont think thats a fair statement. How many women here have actually graciously accepted a compliment and thanked the guy for the compliment? I know i was guilty of this for so long. I would receive compliments from men who told me i was a beautiful young lady, or an attractive young lady, amongst many others but i always told them they were kidding themselves, or said they were just saying that so they could get an easy root, i would always throw the compliment back in their face, Eventually i stopped being told these nice things. That made it even easier to believe i was ugly, and fat and horrid. I know im not the prettiest picture on the wall, there will always be someone prettier then me, but you know what, for every person that is prettier then me, i am prettier then someone else.

So many women get offended when a male compliments them, granted sometimes men may not choose the best words in complimenting her looks, but its not something that men understand as much as women. Its not as complicated for them. I have learnt to accept compliments these days, and i actually feel better for it aswell.

Perhaps when men are out with their wives/girlfriends, instead of checking out other women as much, maybe they could pay more attention to who is checking out his girl and tell her that the bloke over there is checking her out. I know i feel so confident when my hubby lets me know there is a guy checking me out.

We also need to remember the most important rule!! Everyone see's beauty in a different way. What one person finds beautiful might be unattractive to another.

Men are extremely visual.Men notice beautiful women, men may even be taken aback by a beautiful woman, but as soon as she is out of sight, she is also out the minds of most men as well

I feel like this is a bit flawed. Everyone has a bit of lust in them, a bit of a wandering eye at times. I don't feel like "men being extremely visual" should justify a constant action. Some men must learn self control, especially, out of respect for their women and if they know their women are going through something like this. Its not a wonderful feeling to have low self esteem and then catch your man staring at another female.

We all know that both men and women are going to look. But i agree, its about learning self control in front of your partner out of respect. My fiancee and i are a little different in this however due to my sexuality i also tend to check out other women aswell. Instead of both of us being secretive about it, we are open and honest. Ive even learnt how he sees me through his eyes. This was a huge confidence boost.

Men are realistic. We know beautiful women are unattainable for all but a very few men. So, we focus on what we can have

This is a horrible OPINION, and I'm sure it didn't make anyone feel any better. Men know beautiful women are unattainable so you settle for what you have. Why would I ever feel good about me being someone the person I love settled for? That's horrible!

Yeah i agree. This is a really mean opinion. Its basically stating that men just settle for what they can get, rather then be with someone because they want to and because they love that person.

Most men deserve more credit than you are giving us. When we are truly in love and committed to a woman and we see a beautiful woman in person, the second thought that comes into our minds is, "Oh, well, I am in a committed relationship."

The second thought? Maybe I'm being unrealistic but I thought that if you were truly committed and in love that would probably be your first thought not your second.. and again "Oh well" probably because they settled? lol I don't think your post was meant to offend anyone but I don't think you worded it very well... there is no reason why a mans behavior should be justified just because the is a man.

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No your not being unrealistic. If you are truly committed to the person that you are in a committed relationship with then that should not be a second thought. If your "committed relationship" is a second thought because you simply "settled" for what you can get, then forgive me, but why bother being in a relationship with the other person?!

I don't care at all about their self-control.If he looks he can do whatever he wants from there,I am not gonna love him anymore.

but why bother being in a relationship with the other person?!

That's what't I'm wondering.
Why does anyone want a relationship in the first place?Most people can't really have a satisfactory relationship,something always sucks enough for it to be unworthy of any effort.

Hi there,
I have read a lot of these posts from women suffering from insecurities and anxiety. I do have to say that it makes me feel sad to know that many women feel this way, including myself. I find myself feeling exactly the way everyone else is describing.

I think that the deep rooted issue of all of this is direct related to confidence. It's truly a shame how many women around the world have low confidence. I think that in any relationship, someone with low confidence is going to feel this way. Attractiveness is a hell of a lot more than just looks, and I'm sure your boyfriend or husband chose you for who you are as a person! (And of course your beautiful exterior) Also, not all men think about "having sex" with am attractive women when they see one. I have had a talk about this with my boyfriend of 10 months because it concerned me and he told me that not every guy thinks like that. He said that when he sees an attractive women, he thinks she is attractive and the thought leaves after that. He also said that an attractive women can be of any shape or size and the face is the first thing he notices.

I think we need to stop categorizing all men into one category. Men could do the same with women. We are all different and that means we all think and perceive things in our own way. That means not all of the thoughts are malicious or "douchy".

Remember that your boyfriend or husband chose you and he is still with you for a reason. If he wanted a "sexy looking" woman he would go get one. It's not that hard. Its also not hard for you as an attractive woman to find another man. And if your man chooses to do this, that's his bad and not yours and you deserve better anyways! Plus, there are many other guys in the world.

Oh and on the confidence thing, I know myself that I need to work on my own confidence. I try and stay busy and do things that make me feel good about myself such as working out and other activities that are healthy and enjoyable. My boss told me the other day that I need to work on my confidence as well. That shows me that not only do I see it, but others do too.

I truly think that if we keep our heads held high and focus on our happiness first and foremost, we can start to build our confidence. I wish all of the women out there good luck. Smile, you are beautiful just the way you are! After all, there is no one else In this world just like you. That thought alone should make you feel special

If he wanted a "sexy looking" woman he would go get one.

Maybe he can't have one,maybe he thinks he can't have one,maybe he can but he thinks she'd be high maintenance and he doesn't feel like constantly competing with other men.

And yeah,we're all special,just like everyone else

I am not an expert but one thing I know insecurity kills relationship. Continue to go to meetings, counselor and other support groups. Whatever your past issues are, the bottom line is you need to LET GO and ACCEPT yourself.

I have posted to this forum previously (the lesbian). I am currently in therapy but have not even brought up my insecurity issue yet because I seem to get crazy looks when I do. I have seen a hypnotist and while that did help a little, it no longer is working. I am back to crazy, hopeless, anxious me. The me I have been and known since I was 15,16 (now 32). When does it stop? Do these feelings and thoughts ever go away? This is the only me I have ever known. These thoughts, these feelings are MY normal even though I know they are not normal. I am so ready to just give up and be alone forever. I am much better when I am single. My gf is great and may not understand my behavior, thoughts, feelings, but she has stood by my side for over 2 years. We were okay, I was okay, for about the first six months and then the crazy kicks in. I just want to know how to "fix" this. Fix me. Will counseling even help if I can overcome my extreme embarrassment and bring up my biggest and most debilitating problem?
Please, if someone has had this issue or has, and has either overcome or found a way that is improving, please share.
My heart breaks for every one of you going through this! You are not alone! I had to come back to this forum because I have been feeling so alone and un-normal lately. I deal with other issues like depression, and right now, I feel it is getting the best of me.
Looking for hope and encouragement.
Peace to you all.

This is all new to me. I was a very secure, emotionally and mentally, woman. I have been in a few relationships that my partners had affairs. My last relationship was a 17 year marriage. He had a few affairs, and yes they bothered me, but, I didn't "care". I was used to this behavior. I am now in a new relationship of a year, and for the first time, IN Love. I have no idea of what happened to me, like I said, very secure with myself, as far as being a "dancer" at a point of my life for 3 years. Confident, strong willed, beautiful body, flirty, that was me. Now, I'm not thin, I have no self esteem, I feel repulsive because of my flawed body. I have this amazing man in my life, whom I have known for 5 years, and he himself is out of a 18 year marriage. (I might add as well, we were not in a relationship until after our marriages dissolved) I knew him, knew what he liked, what he did on a "for fun" level, and still started a relationship with him, because I didn't have these issues until after the relationship began. He watched porn, he searched online sex sites, magazines, etc., he had "the been there done that" open to sexual fantasies type of guy, and he lived them out with his ex-wife, hell she even went online with him, side by side and never had any issues with his "desire of the day" site or chat room. I was very open minded when we were friends, but now, I have turned into a person I hate. I have such anxiety when he is even remotely close to another woman. To the point he has changed his entire lifestyle for me, and that is not fair to him. I am unsure of what to do. And yes, like most of the other postings on here, sickened when watching a movie and it's full of naked women, not men, of course never see a full frontal male on almost every movie, that would be uncalled for, but there is a naked woman on at least majority of movies now. Even movies that have no need, like Riddick, come on, they have to start the movie off with 2 naked women laying beside him, then of course they for some reason feel the need to show a woman taking a bath, heaven knows they have to show her washing her breasts, cause without that scene the whole movie would be ruined. Like I said, I just don't know what has happened to me. He is an amazing man, who has changed his whole life for me, and what do I do? Keep getting pissed at women who look at him, who call him pet names. I know he will not be like my ex husband and find the warmth of another woman, or two, but, knowing how he says he is a visual person, how can I ever live up to what he was used to? He Loves me, I know this, but I also know, I am scared of the woman I am becoming. Am I over reacting? I am 41 years old and suddenly feel like a teenager again. sigh....

If your man wanted to be with another hot woman, he wouldn't be with you. He is with YOU for a reason.

Deep down inside of every man is the desire to mate with multiple partners. Society has told men that they have to suppress their biological programming to conform to society's rules and expectations. Men look at porn and enjoy nudity because it allows them to fill that void without actually cheating.

Monogamy is unnatural. Some men are better at hiding it and these are the men that you think are different, but deep down we are all the same.

Yes, every man has the desire to mate with young, hot girls.
*mod edit*

The difference between men enjoying nudity and cheaters is pretty obvious. If your man isn't cheating on you, then let him enjoy his fantasies, because I am sure that all the women on here don't explore his sexual fantasies. *mod edit*

So keep your leash around him tight and keep doing what you're doing to him, that will surely make him want to stay with you.