I need some advice.

Hello, I'm Sammy. This is actually about my best friend. She's going through a rough time and has no self esteem. I'm doing my best to help her but I don't know what else to do. So I was hoping I could receive some advice here.

She and I, we've been friends for a few years now, even despite me moving away to another country two years ago. We've always been open with each other in our friendship no matter what. But about five months ago, I started noticing that she'd become really withdrawn and depressed to the point that she was even afraid to admit to me that she'd become this way. When she did open up to me, though, she told me she hated herself because she didn't think she was good enough or pretty enough or intelligent enough along with other negative accusations against herself. At first, I didn't realize she was being serious and passed it off as her only imagining these feelings. I might have tried to encourage her a a bit after that before changing the subject.

However, the problem became much worse. Once her classes began, she became unmotivated about her work, and now spends most of her time listening to music alone in her room and doing nothing else. She mentioned having negative self-conversations too.

I've tried to encourage her and tell her all the good things that she is but she won't believe me. Instead, she insists that if I really knew her, I would hate her too. She won't let anyone else get close to her, and I feel that she's also pushing me away. I've even told her to talk to her family/a therapist about everything but she didn't find the couple of times she talked to them very helpful, so she won't accept their help anymore.

I know this is probably something to do with her age (she's in her mid-teens) and that this might be something out of my hands, especially because of the distance between us, but I want to be able to make even a bit of difference.

So, is there anything I could possibly do? Advice would be very much appreciated.

Hi, sammy321! Not all families understand. Maybe she could look for a way to find a therapist that would help her. It might have to do with her age, but that might not be all there is to it and it doesn't mean that what she's going through now doesn't matter.
You could offer to always be there for her when she needs to talk and ask her if anything bad is happening in her life. She's lucky to have a caring friend. Always remember that her feelings matter and she's not just imagining this stuff.

Thank you for the advice, jasmin. I'll certainly try to get her to talk to another therapist, and in the meanwhile, I'll continue to do my best to talk to her about what's going on in her life.

You're a good friend, sammy. You can tell her about this forum too.

Thank you again, jasmin. I'm afraid things have taken a turn for the worst, however... I haven't been able to contact her for a little over a week now. But as soon as I can get a hold of her again (sincerely hoping everything is fine), I will direct her to this forum.

I hope you can talk to her soon and that everything is fine.

Thankfully, I was able to talk to her. She said she was busy and had a few family responsibilities this past week.

But now I don't know how to go about asking her if anything is seriously bothering her because she either lies to me about being fine or she only explains her feelings a little bit before she feels too ashamed to continue or becomes frustrated with herself and says she doesn't want to get me involved.

This is turning out to be more difficult than I imagined. I want to help her but I fear she won't let me.

At least you know she's ok. Maybe you could tell her about something that is difficult for you to talk about too, so you can both share, and tell her that she has nothing to be ashamed of.

I talked to her about it. She seemed like she was feeling a little better afterward but there's still a long way to go. I think I might have acted too late... But I won't give up and keep trying to make her improve her self-esteem bit by bit.

Thank you again, jasmin. You gave me a lot of helpful advice. I really appreciate it. =)

You're welcome and I'm glad I could help a little. Try to help her trust you and she might want to talk to you on her own at some point, if she feels comfortable.