size acceptance, new wardrobe

Hi Everyone,

This is my the first post on the self-esteem forum.

For the last few years I have been actively working through self esteem issues with the help of therapy.

I was in a very damaging and abusive relationship for seven years. I believe I stuck it out because my lack of knowing better, low self esteem which was further eroded by the toxic relationship.

So, I am basically starting off new at age 33 where I left off at age 22, before the relationship. So you might say I have a young person stuck in a older body.

One of the issues I have been having is size acceptance. All my life I had a distorted body image. I am in the process of come to a peaceful place about my body.

One of the things that I have done lately is I have slowly replacing my wardrobe. For the last 10 years I have been wearing substandard clothing, stained, worn, and not age or size appropriate. Everything that I have owned had something wrong with it. Mostly ill fitting. I would never try anything on mostly because I never learned how. Also I didn't think that it really mattered, but it does.

Now I try on everything, no exception. It has to fit well, feel good, and be realistic. I still struggle with the fact that some of the clothing that fit me look so big in my hands. It makes me anxious. I wear US size 12-14, but in the past I lived in the illusion of size 8-10. I am maybe finally grieving the illusion that I had to give up. The trade off though is looking and feeling good.

This might seem like a superficial fix, but it has helped me out a great deal and being able to respect myself more.

Has anyone had similar experience?

Hey,

From where I'm sitting, it just sounds like you are finally exploring new things, after so long an unhappy time that you had (with your ex). That's a good sign. I did the same a few years ago when I drastically changed the way I lived my life - I ended up buying a complete new wardrobe of clothes (and spent a few thousand in the process!).

Kevin.

I am completely happy with spending $20-30/ month on smaller items, since I do live on a budget. It is a slow process, but getting there. I feel that I now can freely express my taste and preference without being cut down or criticised.

Same thing goes for activities, now I enjoy going on cherry picking road trips, book fairs and planning a trip to Barcelona, my way. Those were things that I would have never been able to do without huge fights and silent treatment by my ex. Now I can enjoy these things.

Thanks for the encouragement Chucky!

Barcelona - Seriously? You will love it there. It is regarded as one of the best cities in Europe. In Spain, I have only visited Madrid though (and that was as a stop-over to Buenos Aires!).

You sound like a child all over again: exploring new things, excited about life, and learning how to do stuff for yourself. You are on the up, I'm sure of it.

Kevin

I am more attracted to women with a more meaty build.