need help

Hi, everyone. I'm a married mother of three young children and I have absolutely reached the point that i hate myself. And I don't hate easily. I am absolutely 100% worthless to any and everyone in my family now and I can't seem to dig my way out of this hole. I beat alcoholism two years ago and I can say I'm very proud of that fact. However, I seem to keep getting into more and more trouble. I've suffered from UC for three years, I've been laid off since October (with no new prospects in sight), I've been arrested twice since August (by far the worst experience of my life and my family's), and despite my new years' resolution, I can't stop binge eating and I lied to my husband again yesterday. I am a compulsive liar and I've been so proud of my honesty for the last month or so. I guess I "fell off the wagon". And it was a stupid, idiotic white lie that I had nothing to gain from. My husband is disgusted by me and no longer even wants to touch me, and I don't blame him. I can't look in the mirror without wanting to break it. I have never looked or felt this bad in my life.

Hey, mimysery. You're not to blame for being sick and you are doing your best to fight it. You beat alcoholism and you can beat this too. Your husband shouldn't treat you this way. You can fight and you'll be proud of your honesty again. Don't be disgusted with yourself. You are a good person for wanting to get better and for caring about your family.

thanks, Jasmin. Isn't it silly how any kind of words of encouragement can make you feel so much better about any situations. It means the world to me to know that I can finally have people to talk to and I know will support me.

This place will always be here and there will always be someone to listen. You will get better.

The fact that you push on through the tough times is reason enough to keep on. Sounds like you're too strong to quit fighting. I think people will be proud when they realize the amount of courage and determination it takes.

Don't you worry mimysery, you will be fine.

I'd say your number one priority is to stay out of trouble with the police. Then, I strongly recommend you to start loving yourself. Don't pay attention to small details, like that you lied at your husband that day etc, try to stick to important issues. What is UC by the way?


Be patient, everything will turn out all right.

Thanks, Somebody. Believe me, I've learned a VERY hard lesson and the police department will never see me on the wrong side of the glass again! I've learned and grown from it and tried to move past it. The only thing with that is, I live in a very small town and for reasons unknown to me, a few people at the police department have decided to try to drag my name through the mud. I've filed complaints and charges against them all and they have been dismissed from their positions. I almost didn't want to do anything and let sleeping dogs lie just to be past and beyond all of it. However, the more I thought about it the more upset I got. I won't stand by and let anyone jeopardize my childrens' happiness or their faith in me. UC is ulcerative colitis. I was diagnosed three years ago and since I've stopped drinking, I've improved a great deal. I also have Crohn's Disease. It's not something that will ever go away, but up until this past week, I had been in remission for eleven months. I'm in the midst of a flare-up right now and it's awful. Before I was diagnosed and found the right medications, it nearly killed me twice. I almost feel like I'm right back there in the same position. (flare-ups can be aggravated by stress) As a result, I suffer a great deal of blood loss which leaves me anemic, weak and sometimes dehydrated. My immune system shuts down as well and I always end up with a staph infection somewhere on my body. In other words, a hangnail or say a papercut that normally wouldn't bother anyone very much will become terribly infected and spread. Then I have to go on a strong cycle of antibiotics which in turns aggravates my colon. It was a vicious cycle I was so glad to be free from and now I'm here again. I keep telling myself that I will get through and be better than ever, but last night, I honestly thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I had a migraine and it almost seems like I blacked out for quite a while. Even though I was taking care of my children and doing housework, I can't remember any of last night at all. All I remember is being in pain and vomiting a lot. I don't even know how I got to bed and I'm absolutely terrified.

Mimy, you might not remember becouse you were so stressed and tired. These illnesses sound really bad. You will get through this.

Hello mimysery,

first of all, I am sure you will be fine with law, that issue is resolved, congratulations, you are on the right track again and you will absolutely stay there from now on. Now, try your best to get used to the physical illnesses, I understand they can cause considerable stress. Be sure to get all your medication and take any necessary measures that will help lessen the occurances of the conditions and their effects.

What caused the migrane though?

All of you are correct. Mimysery, you beat alcoholism and you will too get through all of this other confusion in your life. You have to take control of the situation at hand and think of yourself and your family. If you dont do it for yourself, do it for your 3 wonderful children. Your their Mom and you have to be there for them. You have to fight and do what is best. I know it is hard but nothing in the world worth having is always easy to hold onto. I have a wonderful husband and two wonderful children. I get up every morning and and remind myself that I am blessed for what I have. They all come before me and always will. I do take care of myself too, dont get me wrong. It wont happen overnight, so take baby steps and you will accomplish what you set out to achieve.

Bless you and keep God by your side!