Over-Apologizing and Over-Thanking

Hello all, I suffer from low self-esteem and I wasn't really sure where to put this so I hope this is the right forum. If not, would a moderator please kindly move it to the appropriate forum for me? Sorry, and thanks! ...Wow, well that was just a perfect example of my problems due to low self-esteem! XD

Anyone else suffer from this? I constantly find myself apologizing for every little thing and also thanking people for things that I think most people would consider not deserving of thanks. For example, I often apologize for inconveniencing others, even if it's just in a little way. Like earlier this week, I ordered some coffee from Starbucks. I have social anxiety, too, so I was feeling rather awkward and nervous. I wanted to ask if they were doing the holiday specialty drinks yet, and if so, could I get a peppermint mocha? I also asked if I could get it decaf (because of my anxiety) and at kid's temperature (because I'm sick of burning myself whenever I try to take a sip of coffee from Starbucks). The lady behind the counter, though, she had kind of an accent and I have a hearing loss so it was kinda hard to understand her. Between my social anxiety causing me to mumble and stutter, the lady having an accent and possibly not fully understanding English, and my hearing loss, just ordering a coffee became an ordeal! In the end I apologized for taking up her time and luckily she was nice about it and said it was fine but still, I can't help thinking that someone else wouldn't have apologized at all. After all, it's her job, right? It's not a crime to order coffee the way you want it, is it? But still I felt guilty and found myself apologizing. This happens a lot, by the way; I apologize for being a burden to others even if it's something as simple as asking for a pen.

Additionally, I have a tendency to over-thank, as well. I'll often apologize for talking too much about a certain subject (or just in general) and then thank the other person for listening to me and talking to me. I suppose this isn't TOO strange, particularly if the other person just finished listening to you vent about something at school or work, or gave you a shoulder to cry on after a bad break up. But... I'll apologize and thank people just for talking about my day or my interests. I do it a lot, and I don't think it's normal... One of my worst fears is annoying others and being a burden to them, but in some ways I think I annoy people by apologizing and thanking them too much. It's just... I don't know. It's as if I don't feel like I have a right to even exist. Things that I wouldn't think twice about doing for others or would ordinarily consider just basic human decency don't seem to apply to me. For some reason, I feel guilty about venting to others and asking to borrow pens from them, when I wouldn't think twice about listening to somebody vent or lending somebody a pen. And if somebody apologized to and/or thanked me for it, I would likely tell them "no problem" and think that they didn't need to apologize or thank me. But for me... it's a different story. Is anybody else like this? Has anyone else successfully dealt with anything like this in the past? And if so, how did you overcome it? Thanks, and sorry for the long post!

The good thing is this means you're a very considerate person, but I would guess that you also tend to avoid confrontation and it would really bother you if 1 person in 1000 didn't like you.
I think it's equally bad to be very confrontational or very unconfrontational. Sometimes in life people will steamroll you in unfair ways if you let them, so you have to stick up for yourself. You're a person deserving of respect, just as you would respect everyone else.
I tend to think this stems from a lack of self-esteem and that you did post this in the correct forum. You might get a lot out of talking to a therapist about it. Finding a trusted friend, partner or family member to talk to about it could help as well.
To stop doing it I imagine will be like reversing a huge freightliner travelling in the ocean. It's a huge part of your personality to change direction with. It won't happen immediately, but now that you've recognized that you do this too much you can start working towards building more self-esteem and correcting that behaviour.
I think a good place to start is to not avoid things that give you anxiety, and slowly build your confidence. To also treat yourself as you would someone else and respect yourself as much as you would someone else.

Yes. My over-apologising seems to come from frequently being told I was wrong as a child. I get very intimidated/overwhelmed by other people's anger, so if I can apologise before they get angry. There's a term "walking on eggshells". Also an idea of "ok, I'll back off and you do it your way, even to my detriment". Like catnaps said, it being about confrontation.

Over-thanking- I tend to do it when someone has shown kindness or consideration towards me. I've had a few years of dealing with a lot of dodgy tenants in the unit below me- so when a really nice guy moved in and did something kind or thoughtful, I'd thank him profusely for it. He was often going "but anyone would do that", which I'd have to tell him that no, they wouldn't, and a lot of people just don't have common decency, so I appreciated his actions greatly. Other's kindness can be quite overwhelming at times.

I have problems with excusing or defending other people's poor behaviour far too often. I know what triggered that in me, but turning it off is hard. I can catch myself doing it, but as yet, can't pull myself up on it.