Struggling for confidence and self esteem

21. Male.

I’m deciding to post here because today I’m just feeling in the dumps. I’ve lately figured out that I have no self esteem and zero confidence. I have OCD and BDD, but I’m wondering if I have bipolar disorder also. It is a constant struggle to have confidence and self esteem, with out a doubt I have an inferiority complex. I know many of my struggles developed in childhood and I’m trying to let them go. I obsess over my appearance and some days I feel like a really good looking person and then other days I not so much, as I constantly compare myself to others and pick my features apart. I have been going to counseling for ocd and bdd and it’s getting better slowly. I have been reading multiple self improvement books, sometimes I feel like I’m healing and some days just going back to the same old ways. When I feel more confident and feel good it is never enough, I can’t seem to be satisfied with myself no matter what. All my friends tell me I’m throwed off, but I know most of them really like me, so I don’t know if I’m really as crazy as they say or if they’re joking. I just want to be contempt with myself and have a sense of security and a good foundation of myself. If anybody has ever gone through this and turned their life around please let me know. I’m getting closer to dying everyday and I just want to live for once.

I struggled with confidence and self-esteem issues until the day I moved out of my parent's home at the tender age of 17. After that my road to building confidence and self-esteem began. This is how I gained my confidence and self-esteem:

1. I cut out all toxic people in my life. There's no need to make my life worse with people who just tear me down. So out they went like yesterday's trash. After these people were gone, I no longer was surrounded by poisonous people. As a result, I had the time and space to focus on who matters most: me.

2. I don't compare myself to others. Everyone has their flaws, no matter how much they hide it. So to compare myself to another human being is utterly pointless.

3. I changed some things about myself I didn't like. I changed my hair, my clothes, and changed my body. Going to the gym does wonders. You boost your self-esteem when you like what you see in the mirror.

4. I got rid of the negative self-talk and replaced it with positive self-talk. I learned to slowly delete all negative thoughts about myself. I looked in the mirror everyday and started to say how beautiful I looked, even if I didn't believe it at first. Over time, I learned how I treated the person in the mirror was key to being confident.

5. Other people's opinions of me don't matter. They don't pay my bills. Their existence doesn't add value to this planet. They don't make the world a better place. So their opinion of me doesn't matter.

6. Most importantly, I embrace my flaws. I am not perfect, and I never will be. I make mistakes everyday, and I always will. I also accepted that in reality, I cannot change everything about myself. Some things about myself will always be there. Once I accepted this truth of imperfection, I realized I don't have to hold myself to some fictitious standard.