My Issues

Whenever I talk to people, who I am close(est) too, it takes just a tiny prod for me to go into a spiral.

I do suffer from Panic Attacks, I have no idea if I suffer from real depression; as in, medically, but I do tend to get depressed frequently.

As I said before, if I am talking to someone I am quite close to, it would take but 1 thing said from them, and I will go into a fast and furious swirling panic attack, which will most probably lead to feeling depressed.

This is the same for reading/seeing things, eg; something on TV.

I suppose deep down I've known this for a while, but never really addressed the problem of my "Self-Esteem".


What makes me feel in such ways when I talk to those people, or see those TV shows, etc. I don't mean this in any selfish way, it's just the way I feel. I can't help it.
If I talk to the people as I have said above, anything they say can greatly upset me, even if it's nothing at all, or ANYTHING similar to that.
Eg: They say they like people with blonde hair - I have black hair.
Eg: I like/prefer people who are ________
Eg: Seeing people on TV


I does seem that I need an [over-dosing] shot of being able to be happy with who I am, but that's exactly the problem, I think.
When I think of people having preferences, I just think, "Yes, different people do have different preferences" but it seems as if 90% of people all think a similar way - a similar way which always seems to have every attribute about somebody, which people like, and me being the opposite of every single one.




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"I think you may be suffering from a different form of self-esteem. Basically, you are letting other people's thought's and preferences mold you. When they describe something even slightly different than who you are, you start going into an attack."

- This is what somebody said to me when I posted this elsewhere.



The back story is I suffer from social anxiety, and am extremely shy on top of that, I don't know if this is linked to my self-esteem issues.


Explaining from the quote on top, my esteem issues are such, that if , for example somebody said that they liked a certain thing about someone, eg; physically, which was not suiting of me, for some reason, which I have no idea why, I completely over-react. And I mean, I really over-react. I can't help it.

I also get jealous very easily, but it doesn't make me angry, rather more sad. Again, for no logical reason.


Yesterday was an example, the day before that, I was feeling not-so-good, then at night there was something that was a pathetically tiny issue, but it got me incredibly upset, and even though I don't really feel like including/admitting this, I cried, but not just that, I assumed I could cry myself to sleep, but couldn't, so I ended-up staying-up and doing it, until I couldn't stay awake anymore.

The next morning, I usually feel better, but not the day after that day. I woke up at mid-day 12/1 feeling just as bad, and probably cried the most I can remember, up until around 7pm.


The esteem issue, which is glaring more than ever. I also feel mentally confused. Which makes for an awful feeling most of the time.

Another thing is, that I also feel the same feelings of upsetness, when somebody that I know does something/tells me something that I don't necessarily agree with, I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but I don't know why I get these feelings either.


I am getting to a point where I am thinking about it all day, and it is getting me very down. It seems unconquerable.

Hi, UnknownBlue,
What you are describing sounds like a bad case of hyper-sensitivity. It is a little paranoid, as well, thinking you are the target of negative assessments by others, when in truth they are not judging you one way or the other.
It's not all about you. But your mental confusion and easily disrupted sense of self are signs that you need professional help. These intense feelings of insecurity and self doubt are signs of depression.
At least you recognise that being so hyper sensitive and thinking people are judging you unfavourably when they say innocent statements is not healthy. A therapist can help you with the panic attacks and depressive reactions.

UnknownBlue,

You are mind reading, it is impossible to think what someone is thinking. Have you ever thought that the people around you, who act happy with themselves, have the same worrying thoughts that you do??

You would be surprised, to know that alot of people have to work on self esteem. Not work on getting it, work on building it.
puma is right about being hyper-sensitive. Though you may have had a reason at some point in your life(like shyness)that this worked somehow for you.
It does not work now, and you can change this behavior.

There are 10 areas of general thinking distortions:

Yours seems right now to be jumping to conclusions.
A. mind reading AND B. Fortune Telling Error when you anticipate something will turn out badly, you convinced that your prediction is a fact.

Everyone has thinking Distortions, no one is perfect. But when you know what they are, you can easily understand and then make choices due to your rational thought = rational behavior=rational beliefs or what you perceive to be true.

If you dont understand what I am saying I would be happy to so you can.

blessings,
red