just a vent (girls of course!)

Just a vent...

Feeling really low about myself right now, more so than I have in a really long time. Let me give you some background. There is this girl (of course it's about a girl) I work with that I've been attracted to and developed feelings for over the last couple of years. I know that she's felt the same way before, I dont' know about now. I've never had the courage or self-esteem to try and develop a relationship or do anything with her outside of work. This is more than a crush because I've felt this way continually for a couple years and it doesn't die down. Well anyway I think I have some type of avoidance personality when it comes to girls I like so that's what I have been doing lately and she's done the same. It's so awkward because we work close together but don't really acknowledge eachother except when we have to. She can laugh and joke with other people there and I can too but we can't or at least don't with eachother. Well anyway in the past it's taken me a lot of courage to approach her and I can see other guys there that are trying to pick up on her (I analyze a lot). Well tonight I was just feeling low because I see another guy so easily talk to her and joke with her and ask her out so easily, and I see her smile like I could never make her. I mean, am I that freakin' weak as a person. I'm to the point where I am just so sick and tired of the energy it takes and feelings for her. We've avoided eachother so long I don't think there's any hope; yet I can't rid myself of these feelings. So anyway I am just bitter and angry more so at myself for missing so many opportunities to have this girl. I've fasted on my knees before God for this girl and He's granted me opportunity time and time again but I've failed time and time again. I honestly think I might be alone the rest of my life.
I'm fed up with the energy this takes and want to get over her but it's hard. I mean you hear so much about the theme of "love" and it's not really interesting but it is real and it's effects are real and have real life consequences.
I try to stop thinking of her and blocking her out of my mind but I have to see her everday. I'm feeling resentment towards her in a way but it's really my own actions (or lack of!).

The concept of love can either bring fulfillment and complete and utter joy or it can destroy and depress the soul. That is power.

If it was an "impossible" relationship I wouldn't feel that bad but given so many opportunities only to flush them down the toilet and be a complete failure is what hurts. All I had to do was ask, I mean how simple is that just ask, but I have to laugh at myself because it was so simple and the opportunities there time and time again but I could not do it.

I'm sick of the toll this is taking on me and I either want something to happen or these feelings to dissolve. It's more than just "there's so many other girls out there" or any other consolation but then again this is just a vent.. Thanks for reading.


There's a poem by Langston Hughes called Dream Deferred that I think is relevant:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

A hero dies but once; a coward dies a thousand deaths.

Your scenario is not unique,it's been a stumbling block to happiness for many guys for centuries.
There's no easy answer to that problem either,but it's up to you to risk winning her attention to you,or loose her forever. from what you describe she appears(maybe i'm wrong?)to be the traditional "teaser" You might try teasing her back by approaching other women and making them laugh when your "lady" is around. But try not to look too obvious(don't look at "your lady" while talking to these other women. "pretend" you don't pay attention to "your lady" That will make her curious about your personality and she will be the one to seek your company. Who knows she might be the one to ask you out,but you should politely reject her at first to make her become more interested in you. Most women(like most guys)enjoy the thrill of the (challenge)pursuit.
Good luck!

My advice is short and sweet:

Avoid women at work at all costs. No woman is worth losing your career. If you start dating her and something goes wrong, she will go to HR and your career is done.

stevo wrote:My advice is short and sweet:

Avoid women at work at all costs. No woman is worth losing your career. If you start dating her and something goes wrong, she will go to HR and your career is done.

True (it nearly happened to me). But for some of us, work is the only place we are ever going to meet women. We don't have the self-confidence to chat up women in bars, and we are so socially isolated we don't have friends who can help us.