Esteem vs. Confidence

Clutchology wrote:Haha yeah. I tend to do the opposite.

I wait till I get happy then tell myself I have no right to be happy. There are certain things I know to be fact i.e. having a girlfriend would be pointless because I have nothing to offer them that I didnt when I was their friend.

The problem is that then becomes "no-one is ever going to love you and you're gonna die alone."

See how it goes?

Clutch,
That is the point. You need to break the cycle. If you dont catch yourself, and do some self talk being positive you will change the course of your thinking.
When you think more positive, it is easier to rationally think and feel.
jmho.
peace.
red

Yes you do, however I'm sure plicketycat will agree you need something to break the cycle with.

If I turned around and told myself all these things I wouldnt believe it because I know it's not true.

I mean say I thought I was really popular (and I have had my moments) for example. I walk into school and no-one wants to talk to me, people ignore me and I go months without any chance of getting a girlfriend.

It destroys any positive thinking.

Some days I do think very rationally. I accept the facts that I've never had a girlfriend, I'm not very popular and I dont have much to offer other people. They aren't me beating myself up, they are solid facts. I can accept them and move on. The bad days are when I blow it all way out of proportion.

It's when I'll change the fact that I'll probably never have a girlfriend to "I never will have a girlfriend, ever". See what I did?

It's funny because the 'ever' reinforces the point. I know it's not true...well it's unpredictable anyway...but I want to feel bad because that's my comfort zone.

That's what needs to be done, breaking comfort zones and accepting truth, whatever that may be for you.

Emotion has no place in truth. When you accept the facts you can improve your life, you let emotion rule them and you never succeed.

Plickety, I wish you much love and may the rays of Shai Ming shine on you while you are in doubt. The thing is, life is filled with trials and tribulations. We're not handed the keys to attaining perfection, rather we reap what we sow. If we cannot create self-esteem, we cannot create confidence, as the two go hand in hand. Remember that while you may feel lower or less "successful" than others, remember that we all share things in common. We are all People of the Earth, Children of the Sunshine, and seekers of Truth. Much love, you will be in my heart.

Shen wrote: If we cannot create self-esteem, we cannot create confidence, as the two go hand in hand.

I'm afraid I disagree. Self-esteem and confidence are two different things. I am living proof, as is plicketycat, that you an be confident while having poor esteem.

What is confidence without esteem, then?

Confidence is when you believe you are capable of doing things and doing them well. Esteem is liking yourself for them.

I am very confident, I believe that I am very intelligent and very talanted. I believe I'm charismatic, socially intelligent and a good speaker. I am a good leader and very unconventional.

That's confidence.

However I still dont like myself, and I dont think I will ever, because I do not deserve, to be loved or truly liked.

That is lack of self esteem.

Confidence is faith in your ability, esteem is liking yourself and believing you are likable. Most of the time they go hand-in-hand, but it is very possible to have one and not the other.

I agree with Clutch... confidence is what you believe in what you can DO, but esteem is what you belieive about what you ARE.

It's almost like I'm two separate entities inside my head all the time - one is all concrete things (confidence) and the other is all emotional things (esteem). The two don't necessarily jibe, but one doesn't automatically affect the other. My esteem side looks at my confident side from the outside - almost like it's watching a whole other person.

I'm working on this though... but it's a long, hard journey.

Clutchology wrote:I am very confident, I believe that I am very intelligent and very talanted. I believe I'm charismatic, socially intelligent and a good speaker. I am a good leader and very unconventional.

All of that sounds like self-esteem to me, but I see what your getting at.

No it's not esteem because I dont see myself with any value because of them.

I mean I think I can do all those things, but I dont think it makes me special, a good person, a valuable person, someone worth knowing.

It just means I am clever and can speak well...thats all it means.

plicketycat wrote:It's almost like I'm two separate entities inside my head all the time - one is all concrete things (confidence) and the other is all emotional things (esteem). The two don't necessarily jibe, but one doesn't automatically affect the other. My esteem side looks at my confident side from the outside - almost like it's watching a whole other person.

By the way, I like that. I do the same almost.

Which is only aggrevated by the fact I see myself in the third person...but hey