Insecurity about curved jawline/rightsideofface/overbite/cro

I think looks and how we feel about them is important to young people, in particularly. Just my opinion, anyhow, from when I was growing up. I didn't have nice clothes as a teen, wasn't allowed to fix my hair (always had a ponytail) and had no makeup. I felt ugly. As soon as I changed that, I felt pretty. Guys paid more attention to me. The makeup didn't matter, I seemed to have nice looks as it was and just fixed my hair nicely and had pretty feminine clothing that was flattering. It did make a difference to how I felt at that time. Now that I'm much older, sometimes I feel prettier with makeup or nice clothing too, but I have "embraced" my much older body with it's imperfections. I feel older and wiser.

I get what you mean about wanting to look good yet you also have a good personality to add to that. It's a tough one, I don't know what would be the perfect answer/solution.

quietgirl2538 wrote:I think looks and how we feel about them is important to young people, in particularly. Just my opinion, anyhow, from when I was growing up.

Absolutely correct. Unfortunately the reasons this affects young people in particular are:

(a) Adolescent years into young adulthood is when we're trying to change from children into adults, and a person's personal identity, and trying to establish their "position" in the social hierarchy among peers often comes down to looks. This isn't healthy, but it's the way it is. Unfortunately it is very much (in my opinion) a purely social construct which has got worse and worse with each generation, again being fuelled by media and advertising telling us that looks are important. The problem starts with only the most beautiful people being selected to play the important roles in movies (usually) which creates a false standard. This is one of the reason's I loved the movie "Hitch", because it broke that standard and also made the point that being genuine is more important than how you look.

(b) As we get older, we "should" get past this (although some people never do) as we find more self-acceptance through life experience. As we get older, we generally learn how empty and pointless "image" is, so it starts to matter less to us.

I didn't have nice clothes as a teen, wasn't allowed to fix my hair (always had a ponytail) and had no makeup. I felt ugly. As soon as I changed that, I felt pretty. Guys paid more attention to me. The makeup didn't matter, I seemed to have nice looks as it was and just fixed my hair nicely and had pretty feminine clothing that was flattering. It did make a difference to how I felt at that time. Now that I'm much older, sometimes I feel prettier with makeup or nice clothing too, but I have "embraced" my much older body with it's imperfections. I feel older and wiser.

I get what you mean about wanting to look good yet you also have a good personality to add to that. It's a tough one, I don't know what would be the perfect answer/solution.

This is a good point, and yes, everyone can make the effort to be presentable and look their best, but I think the key is knowing where the balance is. In other words, we can only work with what we've got, and then reach a point where we just need to accept ourselves and to accept what we can't change. Again, the real issue is one of self-esteem and self-acceptance. If a person can't find peace with themselves for being who they are, they're never going to find true happiness.

insecureornah wrote:This is a VERY good argument and thank you for the reply again.

So like you said being ugly is quantifiable and you made a great example with overweight actors. Yes they're very successful and embraced their imperfections (that everyone has). Their imperfections didn't come in the way of their dreams but the problem becomes apparent when they can't have roles that are for "attractive" people. I wanna be an actor that plays the hot guy in a school, or a superhero, or a goofy comedian (the kind of roles that I watched as a kid and wanted to play). Think about me being 18 (currently) and realizing those roles are for only attractive people. It sucks. It just disheartens me.

Yes, it sucks. But (sorry if I keep repeating myself here) the problem is that you're "stuck" on the issue of not being perfect, and the ONLY way to get past it is to let it go and accept that sometimes reality sucks. However, while reality sucks, it's not the end of the world and you can still have an amazing life once you realise what's actually important in life.

And yes many great looking people/actors end their lives everyday. Those great looking people don't even perceive their looks or other looks in general. When you grow up attractive you are conditioned that way. What attractive person would go on a forum for people that think they're ugly? I mean they have their own set of issues that come with fame/money etc.

To give a semi-good example. If a kid grows up in a rich family and with great looks all his life and just gets everything he wants. He has no perception of what it's like to be poor or unattractive. His problems are way different than ours. He may wish for something different or maybe wish to have none of it at all to see what it's like.

Hypothetically if you gave me great looks tomorrow and I pursued my dreams of becoming an actor and just an artist in general AND became super successful at it. I would be happy all the way until the point of something happening. Say the "so called" love of my life cheated on me, I would probably be depressed over that issue.

I totally get what you're saying here, but it doesn't change the fact that good looks will never make you happy, as proved by those celebrities. Lots of people go through life "thinking" they're happy because they've based their "happiness" on the wrong things entirely, which ultimately makes it fake happiness. If your happiness depends on something, and doesn't come from the inside, then is it real happiness? Let me give you an example... I live in Zimbabwe. Most of the population here can't afford things that people in first world countries take for granted, and people suffer here every day. But the interesting thing is that while those who live in cities and have satellite TV, etc. generally suffer with the same issues (worrying about looks), the people who live pretty much in the "wilderness" without money, often with barely enough food... they generally seem happier. Take a moment to think about that. Not that I'm trying to be mean... I come from a "middle class" background and have never gone hungry... but what I'm saying is that the things you worry about, in the grand scheme of the world, are so small compared to what other people deal with. I'm certainly not judging here, because I had serious body-image problems growing up (having always been the "fat kid") so I can very much relate... I'm just trying to open your eyes a little. And even in a global context, we are pretty much on the brink of world war 3 and a hair's breadth away from nuclear holocaust ... so just think about where your jawline should actually (realistically) be in your list of priority worries. I honestly mean this in the most constructive way possible, so please don't take it personally, but one thing I can see all across first world countries is that so many of the youth are self-absorbed and getting so worked up over small issues, when there's a whole world out there of much, much bigger issues that they should be a LOT more worried about. If you can't play the roles you want, or even if you are never able to fulfil your dream of being an actor, so what? You'll still be alive, and life can be a truly beautiful, amazing and wondrous thing... if only you let it.

In short looks definitely can be embraced but I just may want too much.

Exactly. So just let go and live your life. Allow yourself to be happy

insecureornah wrote:I think she met her goals way too early and just felt empty because she didn't know what else to do. I mean imagine if you were super successful, had tons of money, women, looks, and everything you possibly wanted. What then? That's when actors become depressed and people feel empty and start to go crazy. Their lives pan out differently than ours.

Or was it because she realised that everything she'd based her sense of self-worth on (looks, success, money) was actually meaningless in the big picture?

And to clarify I want to be considered universally attractive. Like justin bieber or bradley cooper or idk (like my mom literally said justin bieber was good looking, i mean not her type but she just knew he was good looking... like the people you consider attractive but in your head you're like "eh not for me."lol). Of course there are some that are average and just seem way more attractive than they are. I just have a set & stone of what I want in my head and it's hard to put it all out there. I just don't want looks to hold me back from ANYTHING.

The whole point here is that you've made attractiveness your priority and it shouldn't be. Happiness should be your priority. When your life comes to an end, do you want to say "I was attractive" or "I was happy". And while you may not be able to see it now, I can promise you that no real happiness can ever be found in good looks - they're two entirely different things. Until you can shift your focus from attractiveness to happiness (and stop considering them to be the same thing) you're going to be "stuck" with this problem.

I obviously can't claim to understand everything you're going through, but as I mentioned in another reply, I can relate from my own body image issues. I was always, always the "fat kid" from the time I was a toddler to the present day (although I'm not a kid any more of course) I struggled with it for most of my life. Yes, I did lose weight and then put it back on, over and over, until I finally realised that losing weight wasn't going to make me happy. Yes, it would give me a fake self-esteem boost, but real self-esteem comes from self-acceptance. The point was that while I was worrying about what other people thought of my looks, I could NEVER find happiness. When I finally learned to accept myself as I am, and truly not care what anyone else thought, THEN I started to be happy. And once I started to be happy, I started to lose weight for health reasons, instead of image reasons. The moral of the story is that you need to accept yourself with your imperfections FIRST, and find happiness as priority, BEFORE worrying about anything else. Once you've achieved that, then you can more rationally look at yourself and decide if you want to change anything. But even though you're citing your career dreams as your reason for wanting to look different, the question is why is it so important to have that career, to play those starring roles, etc? It still comes down to how you want to be seen in other people's eyes, which is NOT the right reason to want to change yourself. You're good enough as you are, and if other people can't see it, so what? As much as you think you want this for yourself, I honestly believe that deep down it's still about how other people see you... which means that you're living your life for other people (who may not even care about you) instead of for yourself. Why live your life for other people? What have they done for you?

ncc wrote:

insecureornah wrote:This is a VERY good argument and thank you for the reply again.

So like you said being ugly is quantifiable and you made a great example with overweight actors. Yes they're very successful and embraced their imperfections (that everyone has). Their imperfections didn't come in the way of their dreams but the problem becomes apparent when they can't have roles that are for "attractive" people. I wanna be an actor that plays the hot guy in a school, or a superhero, or a goofy comedian (the kind of roles that I watched as a kid and wanted to play). Think about me being 18 (currently) and realizing those roles are for only attractive people. It sucks. It just disheartens me.

Yes, it sucks. But (sorry if I keep repeating myself here) the problem is that you're "stuck" on the issue of not being perfect, and the ONLY way to get past it is to let it go and accept that sometimes reality sucks. However, while reality sucks, it's not the end of the world and you can still have an amazing life once you realise what's actually important in life.

And yes many great looking people/actors end their lives everyday. Those great looking people don't even perceive their looks or other looks in general. When you grow up attractive you are conditioned that way. What attractive person would go on a forum for people that think they're ugly? I mean they have their own set of issues that come with fame/money etc.

To give a semi-good example. If a kid grows up in a rich family and with great looks all his life and just gets everything he wants. He has no perception of what it's like to be poor or unattractive. His problems are way different than ours. He may wish for something different or maybe wish to have none of it at all to see what it's like.

Hypothetically if you gave me great looks tomorrow and I pursued my dreams of becoming an actor and just an artist in general AND became super successful at it. I would be happy all the way until the point of something happening. Say the "so called" love of my life cheated on me, I would probably be depressed over that issue.

I totally get what you're saying here, but it doesn't change the fact that good looks will never make you happy, as proved by those celebrities. Lots of people go through life "thinking" they're happy because they've based their "happiness" on the wrong things entirely, which ultimately makes it fake happiness. If your happiness depends on something, and doesn't come from the inside, then is it real happiness? Let me give you an example... I live in Zimbabwe. Most of the population here can't afford things that people in first world countries take for granted, and people suffer here every day. But the interesting thing is that while those who live in cities and have satellite TV, etc. generally suffer with the same issues (worrying about looks), the people who live pretty much in the "wilderness" without money, often with barely enough food... they generally seem happier. Take a moment to think about that. Not that I'm trying to be mean... I come from a "middle class" background and have never gone hungry... but what I'm saying is that the things you worry about, in the grand scheme of the world, are so small compared to what other people deal with. I'm certainly not judging here, because I had serious body-image problems growing up (having always been the "fat kid") so I can very much relate... I'm just trying to open your eyes a little. And even in a global context, we are pretty much on the brink of world war 3 and a hair's breadth away from nuclear holocaust ... so just think about where your jawline should actually (realistically) be in your list of priority worries. I honestly mean this in the most constructive way possible, so please don't take it personally, but one thing I can see all across first world countries is that so many of the youth are self-absorbed and getting so worked up over small issues, when there's a whole world out there of much, much bigger issues that they should be a LOT more worried about. If you can't play the roles you want, or even if you are never able to fulfil your dream of being an actor, so what? You'll still be alive, and life can be a truly beautiful, amazing and wondrous thing... if only you let it.

In short looks definitely can be embraced but I just may want too much.

Exactly. So just let go and live your life. Allow yourself to be happy

Wow. This is so offensive, and completely minimizing to the severity of mental health disorders. You come across as so ignorant about how mental illness actually work, and how they can exist alongside other "real" issues in the world. It isn't a matter about someone "letting" themselves be happy. It's about being ######6 ILL. Jesus.

ncc wrote:

quietgirl2538 wrote:I think looks and how we feel about them is important to young people, in particularly. Just my opinion, anyhow, from when I was growing up.

Absolutely correct. Unfortunately the reasons this affects young people in particular are:

(a) Adolescent years into young adulthood is when we're trying to change from children into adults, and a person's personal identity, and trying to establish their "position" in the social hierarchy among peers often comes down to looks. This isn't healthy, but it's the way it is. Unfortunately it is very much (in my opinion) a purely social construct which has got worse and worse with each generation, again being fuelled by media and advertising telling us that looks are important. The problem starts with only the most beautiful people being selected to play the important roles in movies (usually) which creates a false standard. This is one of the reason's I loved the movie "Hitch", because it broke that standard and also made the point that being genuine is more important than how you look.

(b) As we get older, we "should" get past this (although some people never do) as we find more self-acceptance through life experience. As we get older, we generally learn how empty and pointless "image" is, so it starts to matter less to us.

I didn't have nice clothes as a teen, wasn't allowed to fix my hair (always had a ponytail) and had no makeup. I felt ugly. As soon as I changed that, I felt pretty. Guys paid more attention to me. The makeup didn't matter, I seemed to have nice looks as it was and just fixed my hair nicely and had pretty feminine clothing that was flattering. It did make a difference to how I felt at that time. Now that I'm much older, sometimes I feel prettier with makeup or nice clothing too, but I have "embraced" my much older body with it's imperfections. I feel older and wiser.

I get what you mean about wanting to look good yet you also have a good personality to add to that. It's a tough one, I don't know what would be the perfect answer/solution.

This is a good point, and yes, everyone can make the effort to be presentable and look their best, but I think the key is knowing where the balance is. In other words, we can only work with what we've got, and then reach a point where we just need to accept ourselves and to accept what we can't change. Again, the real issue is one of self-esteem and self-acceptance. If a person can't find peace with themselves for being who they are, they're never going to find true happiness.

I (again) am so genuinely happy people are replying but I really wanted to hit your points because you made some really good arguments. I think the problem is that most people assume that I want these great looks because I haven't accepted myself. (which I guess means I haven't because it would be a contradiction to think that I have)

I don't want to sound conceited or boastful but I know where I am in my life. The problem with my looks has nothing to do with the acceptance of only my looks. It has to do with the acceptance of me not being able to fulfill my dreams the way I want them too. Yes they both involve self acceptance but my "looks" aren't at the top of my priority list. I'm currently in college and it's way more important for me to get good grades then go out and party. My priorities are very set and stone when it comes to myself. I know how attractive I am, I know how fit I am, I know how smart I am... and I know there's a long way to go to develop myself in all of those aspects. I try to add to myself to make myself appear more attractive by just wearing a little bit nicer clothes or hitting the gym consistently.

It just frustrates me to think that no matter how much I read, no matter how much I work out, no matter how much I change about myself... my looks still hold me back. (yes they can get better)

Put it into perspective like this:
If I was worried about having an ass, or having muscles or changing my skin color (let's get as debatable as possible). I can change all of those things through surgery or some sort of procedure but I can't do this with my looks. Yeah I can get the jaw implant or whatever else but it still won't make me attractive. I just want a look for myself so nobody can judge me or hold me back from anything I want to do in life. (ps I love the movie Hitch)

I WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER EXAMPLE:
Not only is my looks important to my career but also to my love life. I read in a research article that dating somebody "out of your league" can lead to divorce or breakup in the long run. LITERALLY ONLY DUE TO THE ONE FACTOR OF ATTRACTIVENESS!

I currently am able to get girls in my life (sometimes/kinda) but only because of the fact that I know these girls are in my "league." Yeah it's shallow but I don't show the same confidence around a super attractive girl because I already know that even if I were to get this girl with my charisma and confidence, it still won't matter because she'll probably end up leaving me because of my looks. It's just so annoying to think that someone could leave you because of how bad/good you look to them physically. Looks are the most important factor about a person. It has nothing to do with being shallow, or a social construct, or whatever else. It has to do with attractiveness leading to involuntary behaviors and it being in a human's primal nature to be attracted to a certain look. Jawlines were prominent in a male's physique and long before social media. Women were born to like this just like how men were born to love booty and boobs!

Sorry for any errors

-- Sat Nov 04, 2017 1:15 pm --

quietgirl2538 wrote:I think looks and how we feel about them is important to young people, in particularly. Just my opinion, anyhow, from when I was growing up. I didn't have nice clothes as a teen, wasn't allowed to fix my hair (always had a ponytail) and had no makeup. I felt ugly. As soon as I changed that, I felt pretty. Guys paid more attention to me. The makeup didn't matter, I seemed to have nice looks as it was and just fixed my hair nicely and had pretty feminine clothing that was flattering. It did make a difference to how I felt at that time. Now that I'm much older, sometimes I feel prettier with makeup or nice clothing too, but I have "embraced" my much older body with it's imperfections. I feel older and wiser.

I get what you mean about wanting to look good yet you also have a good personality to add to that. It's a tough one, I don't know what would be the perfect answer/solution.

I'm 18 at the moment and I feel very strongly about looks being important to only young people. It all comes with us being born in this generation but I do hope looks becomes less important as I get older. I know that once my life excels and I have a job, looks won't even matter. But we'll see...

Thanks for the compliment

oceane wrote:

ncc wrote:

insecureornah wrote:This is a VERY good argument and thank you for the reply again.

So like you said being ugly is quantifiable and you made a great example with overweight actors. Yes they're very successful and embraced their imperfections (that everyone has). Their imperfections didn't come in the way of their dreams but the problem becomes apparent when they can't have roles that are for "attractive" people. I wanna be an actor that plays the hot guy in a school, or a superhero, or a goofy comedian (the kind of roles that I watched as a kid and wanted to play). Think about me being 18 (currently) and realizing those roles are for only attractive people. It sucks. It just disheartens me.

Yes, it sucks. But (sorry if I keep repeating myself here) the problem is that you're "stuck" on the issue of not being perfect, and the ONLY way to get past it is to let it go and accept that sometimes reality sucks. However, while reality sucks, it's not the end of the world and you can still have an amazing life once you realise what's actually important in life.

And yes many great looking people/actors end their lives everyday. Those great looking people don't even perceive their looks or other looks in general. When you grow up attractive you are conditioned that way. What attractive person would go on a forum for people that think they're ugly? I mean they have their own set of issues that come with fame/money etc.

To give a semi-good example. If a kid grows up in a rich family and with great looks all his life and just gets everything he wants. He has no perception of what it's like to be poor or unattractive. His problems are way different than ours. He may wish for something different or maybe wish to have none of it at all to see what it's like.

Hypothetically if you gave me great looks tomorrow and I pursued my dreams of becoming an actor and just an artist in general AND became super successful at it. I would be happy all the way until the point of something happening. Say the "so called" love of my life cheated on me, I would probably be depressed over that issue.

I totally get what you're saying here, but it doesn't change the fact that good looks will never make you happy, as proved by those celebrities. Lots of people go through life "thinking" they're happy because they've based their "happiness" on the wrong things entirely, which ultimately makes it fake happiness. If your happiness depends on something, and doesn't come from the inside, then is it real happiness? Let me give you an example... I live in Zimbabwe. Most of the population here can't afford things that people in first world countries take for granted, and people suffer here every day. But the interesting thing is that while those who live in cities and have satellite TV, etc. generally suffer with the same issues (worrying about looks), the people who live pretty much in the "wilderness" without money, often with barely enough food... they generally seem happier. Take a moment to think about that. Not that I'm trying to be mean... I come from a "middle class" background and have never gone hungry... but what I'm saying is that the things you worry about, in the grand scheme of the world, are so small compared to what other people deal with. I'm certainly not judging here, because I had serious body-image problems growing up (having always been the "fat kid") so I can very much relate... I'm just trying to open your eyes a little. And even in a global context,we are pretty much on the brink of world war 3 and a hair's breadth away from nuclear holocaust ... so just think about where your jawline should actually (realistically) be in your list of priority worries. I honestly mean this in the most constructive way possible, so please don't take it personally, but one thing I can see all across first world countries is that so many of the youth are self-absorbed and getting so worked up over small issues, when there's a whole world out there of much, much bigger issues that they should be a LOT more worried about.[/b] If you can't play the roles you want, or even if you are never able to fulfil your dream of being an actor, so what? You'll still be alive, and life can be a truly beautiful, amazing and wondrous thing... if only you let it.

In short looks definitely can be embraced but I just may want too much.

Exactly. So just let go and live your life. Allow yourself to be happy

Wow. This is so offensive, and completely minimizing to the severity of mental health disorders. You come across as so ignorant about how mental illness actually work, and how they can exist alongside other "real" issues in the world. It isn't a matter about someone "letting" themselves be happy. It's about being ######6 ILL. Jesus.

Okay I just want to put it out there that it didn't offend me but it's much more than letting yourself to be happy. I don't want you to think that I'm alone and depressed in my room all day but I want you to know that this thought just effects the way I see the world and conflicts with my own life and dreams.

I like what you said about people being happy about the wrong things and later realizing that they weren't happy after all. This is very true but little of that applies to my way of thinking. Those kids in Zimbabwe that live frugal don't worry about the realities of other people's lives. When you live in a third world country that is going through constant privation... they live in the moment. It all has to do with the subjectivity of life and I don't want to sound shallow but it's so hard to compare the two. I'm empathetic to the situation of these people but in no way can they be empathetic to mine. (Hypothetically) Even if I were to divorce my wife, I should just be happy and live because at least I have my life is what you're saying because I would never take my life problem of divorce to those people in Zimbabwe but to people that are in the same life situation as me. It's almost to say that I should be happy at all times as long as I have food and water.

My jawline isn't the most important thing in my life// It's just something that I know that holds me back. It holds back my dreams and my vision of success. If my dreams weren't acting and being in the film industry then I could care less about my looks. I'd live what I was going through. It's just how all of it connects and intertwines into my many views on life. I've had image problems growing up as well and lost the weight because of the fact that I was getting bullied. Sad but true.

I laughed when you said we were on the brink of WWIII. It's so true lol but yeah of course thinking of it in that perspective nothing should matter but it has to do with subjectivity. I appreciate my life so much and I'm thankful for everyone and everything around me but sometimes visioning my success and love life frustrates me.

sorry for any errors

Looks are definitely subjective, just because you would fix your jaw doesn't mean you'd fix how youd feel.