Confidence/self esteem issue?

Hi

I am a new member, I have been getting problems (I think) with my self esteem/confidence and I have come here to get more help/advice.

I have a physical illness that can affect my cognitive function and ability to retain information. I left a healthcare job that I was in for 18 months, primarily because the administrator who worked there called me on days when I wasn't feeling that good to drive out to places other workers would not go. The company knew I had my illness and that I take medication for it.

It got to the point where I left this company and went to a new one. I was recommended by a friend who worked in the previous company to her manager (she is self employed) and I was taken on; I explained to the manager I have this illness and she told me I didn't look the sort to have this condition. She asked me if I was optimally medicated and I said my consultant told me it takes several months for my body to catch up with good biochemistry results. My new manager said that was time she didn't have but still took me on.

I made a lot of mistakes and could not retain any information except numerical combinations which my new manager said was evidence I was financially motivated. The relationship between us got so bad that I resigned and my manager launched into a 2 minute lecture about every single thing she could pick up on that was wrong about me and she called me names (allegedly that a client called me) so I went back to my previous employer who welcomed me back no questions asked. The other manager then found out I went back there and sent them a bad reference about me, forcing them to sack me.

I have since moved away from the area; everything about where I lived just brings back painful memories of what went wrong. I have been getting emails from the manager I resigned from, asking for my P45 and sending me P60s but I feel too uncomfortable to give her the P45 and the company I worked for before did not give me my P45 until after I left the second company and then got sacked from the first one. I also didn't have any money and I moved away the day after I got sacked and signed on at the Jobcentre.

I am in a new job and doing really well, I am picking things up really quickly and my managers have kept me on for another 2 months with a possible extension into New Year but every time I make a mistake I feel that my confidence has taken a knock and I get upset. I have been getting tearful over minor mistakes at my new job and my managers have told me not to worry because I am doing really well and are pleased with me.

Is it possible what happened a year on has triggered all of this? I get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I get complimented at work; today I got told my work is "always superb". I feel so confused right now.

Thanks

I am sorry, I am clearly in the wrong place to seek advice about this.

Abbi85 wrote:I am sorry, I am clearly in the wrong place to seek advice about this.

You are in the right place, but this is a quiet forum. You can try Living With Mental Illness and perhaps you may get more replies. Just make sure you don't copy your exact post there. You can reword it somehow to get your point across.