Not sure how I ended up here :(

Hi everyone, I'm at quite a low place in my life and I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for here..maybe a place to vent and if anyone has any advice/ideas/help for me I'm all ears! Sorry if this ends up being one big boring rant ai just need to get this off my chest! I''m a 25 year old female btw.

I've never been a very confident or outgoing person and I'm always critical of myself. I'm not necessarily quiet either as I enjoy talking to others and I don't suffer from social anxiety or anything but I find myself just so lacking in self esteem/worth/confidence and I'm not sure why. I grew up with loving parents and two sisters I get on well with so I can't think of any external reason for this. I just feel like I have no personality and i have this constant fear that anyone finds me as boring/uninteresting as I find myself to be. I guess you could say I have a strong fear of rejection so I find it difficult to put myself out there which might make me appear cold/stand offish? Anytime anyone does make the effort though I am always very receptive but I can't help feeling like I have no worth. Like I could not be there and no one would notice I was gone if that makes sense.

I have been told that I'm physically attractive so that isn't really a sense of insecurity for me..more so that people would find me physically attractive but "empty" inside with no real value to offer because everyone knows looks fade. I'm close to my sister who I live with. Other than that I'm casually friendly with my coworkers (we rarely hang out outside of work) and I have one friend from high school who lives very nearby but I find that we might not have much in common anymore. We used to text and hang out constantly but now it's just a meet up for dinner every few weeks and rarely text. That is the extent of my social circle so I do feel quite alone. I've only ever had one boyfriend and that was very casual and we broke up 6 years ago!! I think people would be shocked to look at me and know that this is all such a struggle for me but I really just feel so lacking in confidence and I would love any advice anyone could give me

The advice I get from my therapist and I do try very hard to follow when I feel like you share, is to just be yourself. People think it's so easy, "just be yourself." But it's not easy. How do I "just be myself." I am honest with myself, what I like and what I don't like, who I want to hang around with. I also follow my gut instinct. If I'm not comfortable with some situation, I follow my gut instinct. It's there for a reason, were my thoughts. I can't think of other examples right now. When a friendship blossoms, whether it's a good friend or a boyfriend or any type of relationship, the other person really wants to get to know the real you. I have a friend whom I was honest with something she said that offended me and I told her through a text, and we solved a few of both of our misunderstandings. We are becoming better friends than before. I don't blame you for being afraid of being rejected. I am too. Hopefully others will post their experiences and supportive words.