low self esteem and insecurities causing depression/anxiety

Hi all,

I'm new here but i really do need an outlet because i feel like i cannot breathe anymore . Forgive me if i sound stupid or anything. I've been in my relationship for over a year and he treats me so well, but I cannot shake this insecurity that I have, which is that i don't feel pretty enough. I've never felt pretty to begin with, just always average, now i don't even feel that. Every woman he finds attractive is the total opposite of me, shares no similarities to me, the women he views in porn are nothing like me ever, even in the streets women he checks out they are the complete opposite to me from height, skin tone, hair everything and it is all the time. The physical traits he admires in other women I DO NOT HAVE, and some traits he doesn't like in women physically I do have. I can't help but think what does he see in me i am so opposite to them, i feel like he is settling. These thoughts are causing me so much grief and my self esteem and any amount of confidence i had have gone down the drain. These other women their beauty intimidates me so much sometimes i have panic attacks or i cry, it is so unhealthy. someone help me please.

Hello,

big hugs if wanted. Don't apologise for anything you write, that's what we're here for – to exchange posts

Can I ask you something that might seem unrelated at first? Did you actually discuss and agree that your partner would not only watch porn, but also discuss his tastes in it with you? How do you feel about him checking out women on the street? Did you tell him that this is something that makes you uncomfortable?

I am asking, because there are two options. Either you have a relationship in which this is okay, in which case my questions are pointless, or you don't, in which case he is disrespecting you in many ways. Personally I have an open relationship and another guy I see from time to time is a complete opposite of my husband. And that's what I like, because there would be no point for me to see someone very similar – when it comes to men this type I already have the best