Never feeling like you are good enough...

Does this happen to anyone regularly? I made a previous post about blaming yourself for other peoples issues...but now I am asking if anyone feels like no matter what they do, if something doesn't go the right way, do you always say..."If I was better, smarter, more competent, less neurotic, better looking, sexier, things would work out my way?" I know I have a hard time realizing there are alot of prettier, smarter, and more worldy people then I am. Not to say I can't hold my own, but I find it hard to accept that there is a whole world full of people who are better than me in many ways. After thinkin about that, it gets me into a deeper depression. It is a weak way to be, but I find I can't help but think this way. It seems to be my mindset. And, the more I think about it, the deeper a slump I fall into. If there is someone special in my life, and things aren't going the way I want, I picture all types of girls "better" then me who can easily take my place, and that feeling makes me crazy...It is like a vicious cycle. Can anyone else relate? And is this self-esteem problem the make or break of friendships/relationships and relations at the workplace? Your thoughts?

Dear AlwaysConfused,
You are on the right track as far as seeing that your constant negative comparison of yourself to others is painful and unproductive.
The next step is to stop autohypnotizing yourself with the idea you can't help yourself thinking this way. You are the only one who can shake the shackles of chronic self denigration, and see your true and unique value in the world of mankind.
There is no way you are going to avoid setbacks and losses. Everybody experiences this. The final loss is death. Do you know anyone who is immortal?
So while you are alive, practice considering your assets and your flaws as yours alone. There's no need to tear yourself down, or tear anyone else down, in the name of competition. When you have these bad thoughts of if only I was this or that, recognize the pattern and steer your mind towards thoughts of I can do better, I am okay, and I don't have to be perfect, just perfectly me.
Experience is the well from whence this advice flows.

puma wrote:Dear AlwaysConfused,
You are on the right track as far as seeing that your constant negative comparison of yourself to others is painful and unproductive.
The next step is to stop autohypnotizing yourself with the idea you can't help yourself thinking this way. You are the only one who can shake the shackles of chronic self denigration, and see your true and unique value in the world of mankind.
There is no way you are going to avoid setbacks and losses. Everybody experiences this. The final loss is death. Do you know anyone who is immortal?
So while you are alive, practice considering your assets and your flaws as yours alone. There's no need to tear yourself down, or tear anyone else down, in the name of competition. When you have these bad thoughts of if only I was this or that, recognize the pattern and steer your mind towards thoughts of I can do better, I am okay, and I don't have to be perfect, just perfectly me.
Experience is the well from whence this advice flows.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it, I will try to do this, although it seems to be very hard. I don't like being this way, but can't help being jealous alot of the time. I am a nice person, but this is just something that is in me. I hope one day I can get past it.

beatachica wrote:

AlwaysConfused wrote:Does this happen to anyone regularly? I made a previous post about blaming yourself for other peoples issues...but now I am asking if anyone feels like no matter what they do, if something doesn't go the right way, do you always say..."If I was better, smarter, more competent, less neurotic, better looking, sexier, things would work out my way?" I know I have a hard time realizing there are alot of prettier, smarter, and more worldy people then I am. Not to say I can't hold my own, but I find it hard to accept that there is a whole world full of people who are better than me in many ways. After thinkin about that, it gets me into a deeper depression. It is a weak way to be, but I find I can't help but think this way. It seems to be my mindset. And, the more I think about it, the deeper a slump I fall into. If there is someone special in my life, and things aren't going the way I want, I picture all types of girls "better" then me who can easily take my place, and that feeling makes me crazy...It is like a vicious cycle. Can anyone else relate? And is this self-esteem problem the make or break of friendships/relationships and relations at the workplace? Your thoughts?

yes yes yes!


i understand perfectly what you have said, i feel that way and i am suprised someone else feels like this too


its maddening isnt it?



i will spend countless amount of hours a day looking at pretty girls online and hating myself



it doesnt help that they seem to want my boyfriend, and i am so inferior to them

anyways, whatevfer

Well you're not the only one, because it appears I feel exactly the same way as you do. Then if you have a bf or a guy you are interested in, you think to yourself, why bother? this one or that one is better in one way or another, atleast that's how I feel 90% of the time anyway. I will occasionally have a good day, where my thinking is a little more clear, but unfortunately, it always seems to go back to the negative thoughts.

Don't you worry AlwaysConfused. We'll fix you. The important thing is that you are looking for some help and guess what, you'll have it. I'll be back later and explain a few things to you.

You have that kind of erroneous thoughts, of trying to be best, instead of trying to be you. It's not even your fault.

You can't be everything. You can't be perfect, it's not possible. Actually there doesn't exist such a thing as perfect. All people are inperfect. Accept yourself for your strengths and weeknesses and don't compare yourself to others. Of course you need to learn how to accept youself right? I remember when I was reading about that all mighty self esteem, and was telling myself, wow, wouldn't that be cool. to have that? It really seemed to me something really mysterious thing and had no clue how to have that. Now that I know, I see it is not really a big deal, although it's an excellent state of being.

Well, stick around and we'll talk about how to actually get your self esteem and you'll see that it's one of the easiest things to do, it doesn't take that much to get it and it worths a lot.

How to be not self loathing:
1. Respect yourself. Don't mistreat yourself or allow others to mistreat you.
2. Fulfill your obligations. Pay your bills, take care of your body, nurture your intellect.
3. Exercise the same compassion you feel for others upon yourself.
4. Laugh! Cultivate the ability to laugh at yourself. Like oops, clumsy me, haha.
5. Go outside on a starry night, look up at the sky from your vantage point on this tiny little planet in this out of the way solar system on the edge of one of a multitude of galaxies, and have an epiphany of wonder that you should be here at all.

beatachica wrote:

somebody wrote:You have that kind of erroneous thoughts, of trying to be best, instead of trying to be you. It's not even your fault.

You can't be everything. You can't be perfect, it's not possible. Actually there doesn't exist such a thing as perfect. All people are inperfect. Accept yourself for your strengths and weeknesses and don't compare yourself to others. Of course you need to learn how to accept youself right? I remember when I was reading about that all mighty self esteem, and was telling myself, wow, wouldn't that be cool. to have that? It really seemed to me something really mysterious thing and had no clue how to have that. Now that I know, I see it is not really a big deal, although it's an excellent state of being.

Well, stick around and we'll talk about how to actually get your self esteem and you'll see that it's one of the easiest things to do, it doesn't take that much to get it and it worths a lot.

just for sh*ts and giggles, id like to know how it feels to not be self-loathing for ONE day..


so please explain your method to me


thanks

Sure, I'll explain everything to you. Just in time though. Now, it's kinda late and I am gonna go to bed.

Why not think "IT'S ALL MINE!!" when you look at the universe at night? :^)

I like to look at some star and imagine that I am there, flying around it, inspecting the planets that might be there. I'll travel to dozens of stars every time I'm walking at night.
The only problem is that I don't notice potholes and rocks when walking with my head tilted up.

Hi, Lucidor and Beatachica,
Just the book for you:
Star Maker (Early Classics of Science Fiction) (Paperback)
by Olaf Stapledon
Book Description
Widely regarded as one of the true classics of science fiction, Star Maker is a poetic and deeply philosophical work. The story details the mental journey of an unnamed narrator who is transported not only to other worlds but also other galaxies and parallel universes, until he eventually becomes part of the "cosmic mind." First published in 1937, Olaf Stapledon's descriptions of alien life are a political commentary on human life in the turbulent inter-war years. The book challenges preconceived notions of intelligence and awareness, and ultimately argues for a broadened perspective that would free us from culturally ingrained thought and our inevitable anthropomorphism. This is the first scholarly edition of a book that influenced such writers as C.S. Lewis and Arthur C. Clarke and which Jorge Luis Borges called "a prodigious novel."