My ego is way too fragile

I've been trying to understand how my own confidence works. It seems to vacillate. When something positive happens, I will be confident for a time. When something negative happens, I lose confidence in my abilities.

And sometimes it's something small, possibly incorrectly perceived, that puts me in a funk. Like someone is slightly less friendly to me than typical. That could knock me out until I get some positive feedback, which is that much harder to get when I'm acting so down.

I think this damages my standing with others, since I may be in their face one day, then frightened of them the next.

I don't want to be this fragile, and I have to assume most people aren't. But my ego is dependent on having continual positive feedback, or else I feel like I don't deserve to be okay with myself. It doesn't make sense to my mind to feel okay 100% of the time, regardless of anything. What's the right way to become better with this? I can't "just do it".

maybe look into covert/fragile narcissism: http://thenarcissisticlife.com/fragile-narcissism/

these people need validation/supply from others to hold up their false selves and feel worthy, without it, they succumb to their underlying and 'true' feelings of worthlessness, shame, and inner hurt.

Auxiliary11 wrote:maybe look into covert/fragile narcissism: http://thenarcissisticlife.com/fragile-narcissism/

these people need validation/supply from others to hold up their false selves and feel worthy, without it, they succumb to their underlying and 'true' feelings of worthlessness, shame, and inner hurt.

Thanks. That was an interesting read and possibly the problem. I have wondered if I was a narcissist. If I am holding up a "false self", does that mean I shouldn't actually feel good about myself, since my "true self" doesn't have much worth? Or should everybody hold themselves in high esteem at all times, regardless of anything, just because? I get confused on that point.

ShyGuyUT wrote:does that mean I shouldn't actually feel good about myself, since my "true self" doesn't have much worth? Or should everybody hold themselves in high esteem at all times, regardless of anything, just because? I get confused on that point.

Upon first discovering and accepting my narcissism I honestly felt like this made me an A-hole. After reading more on it, I've found that having narcissism doesn't make us inherently bad, it's just a defense against a hurt ego. The problem with this is that 'the mask' is fake and blocks the True-Self, preventing the narcissist from feeling love or empathy, and makes the Narc. concerned with grandeur. It is not on the same spectrum as psychopathy or sadism. As I understand it: the False Self is a defensive facade -- a pseudo personality of sorts -- that contains all of the narcissists fantasies and ambitions, who they want to be in life...Underneath it, the narcissist forgets how to live as he actually is, and the underlying ego becomes more and more estranged due to being 'unused' for so long. If you have supply, don't feel bad over it, just don't let it get out of control, if you get me?

This is the scale for it along with the scoring: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bea ... introvert/

If you look at all the questions you'll see that Fragile/Covert Narcissism is pretty much just AvPD with narcissistic traits. One thing I've started to do to combat my darker character traits is this: look at all the inventory items, and actively try to oppose as many of them as you can. Always thinking about your own problems? Spare a thought for someone else and help around the house a bit. See people as either good or bad (black and white thinking)? Then see them in more of a grey area. Someone comes to you with their problems? Try to sympathize a bit. I do believe it's treatable with a lot of effort, but you may need a therapist who specialize in Personality Disorders, if you have this you also probably have a lot more going on too.