I really need some advice, I feel like a failure.

I am 21, going to be 22 in March. I feel like everything is going wrong and I am a massive failure. (Sorry for the massive essay!)

I graduated from university last year in June with a 2.1 BscEcon, I felt like I knew what I was doing. After a placement with my University for a month I was on a high where I felt like I had my life semi-sorted. I decided to move to Cardiff with my previous housemate for a year thinking I could find a job there. I also started a TEFL course as I wanted to pursue teaching and wanted to travel, with plans to apply for the JET program in the future. Now 5 months in I feel like everything has just been a massive waste of time and money.

I have applied for a range of jobs, from cleaner to administration. Rejection after rejection. The only highlight was two interviews in October but I didn't get the jobs in the end. I have gone around town and the city centre handing in CV's inquiring about vacancies and nothing.

I have tried to stay positive and phoned all the local schools to ask about volunteer experience but they have all said they have reached their volunteer quota. I can't go to schools far away as I want to minimise my spending.

I just feel so guilty because my parents are helping me with rent as I couldn't afford it. I was hoping to find a job so that I could then tell them not to worry about my rent. I worry as they are getting older and I don't want them to have to stress about me financially as well.

To make matters worse my housemate just got a job and she starts this Monday. I really want to be happy for her but I just feel depressed and then guilty for being a bad friend. Especially as I feel that I am more qualified than her but I am still struggling to find employment (This train of thought also makes me feel even worse as I am being an awful friend). Furthermore she introduced me to a couple from our university who was on the same course as her, they moved here about a month ago and one has just got a job at Admiral and the other is going to get a job at a shoe shop. I have stopped using facebook but as I am around my housemate and the couple it is hard not to compare myself and feel like I am failing at getting my life together. All my other uni friends are either doing a masters/4th year or working part time at home. It makes me wish I hadn't moved here and stayed home as I had a part-time job that I quit to move here. I also know that my housemate will want to talk about her job once she starts but I feel like this will just compound my depression, especially as we all normally meet up on Sunday for a pub quiz and as all three of them just got their jobs it will be all they want to talk about. I want to be happy for them but I also feel more pressure to get my life sorted now.

I had a breakdown yesterday after I got rejected from a restaurant because I couldn't speak Mandarin and I phoned my mum about it. It was the first time that I told her about how stressed I am about jobs. She was very nice about it and told me not to worry but I know that she was just saying that to comfort me. I know that she will now stress out even more and I feel bad about burdening her with this now. I went to every restaurant near where I lived and they all said they weren't looking which further demoralized me. I come from an Asian family and my younger cousin (18) has just got in to a uni for medicine so I know everyone is now turning the pressure up on me to hurry up and find a job. I told my mum I was worried she would be disappointed in me and she told me not to worry as she didn't have high hopes for my brother and I. But I worry that they secretly are and I know they can't help but compare us to my cousin who is going to be a doctor. I just want them to be proud and I want to be able to help support them but instead I am in Cardiff doing nothing.

I hate my TEFL course now as it is like a representation of all the money and time I have wasted. I will finish it as I am almost done with it but my passion for teaching abroad has faded but I still want to teach. I am now considering a PGCE but I worry that it will just be more debt and time wasted. I just really want to go home and cut my losses. However my housemate needs me to live with her as she cannot afford to pay both our rents.

I am very close to my little brother and I speak to him almost daily, I have spoken to him about this but he is only 14 so I do not want to burden him too much, nor can he be expected to be able to help me fully. I am not very close with my parents, my breakdown was the first time I had spoken for that long with my mum. We get on but we just don't talk a lot. Plus they get more stressed and worried about me if I tell them my problems which is not what I want. My relatives are all very competitive and would just talk about me behind my back. I have spoken a little about my worries to two of my close friends but I worry that they are getting tired of hearing the same issues and they don't fully understand the Asian pressure. I am reaching a breaking point. There are no local therapists, nor could I afford it.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to pursue a PGCE but I am worried it will put more financial burden on my parents. My parents cannot give me much advice on this as they do not understand, they have worked hard their whole life running a takeaway, and they still have to work and I feel so awful, I help oout whenever I am home but I really, really regret moving here now. I know I can't change the past and should move on but the guilt is eating me alive.

I also know I shouldn't care but I was really planning on teaching abroad and I told some of my relatives and now I know they will ask me why I am not. I just want to go home and regain some kind of stability. I can't sleep most nights as I keep thinking and stressing, I am planning on volunteering at a local charity shop if I cannot find anything soon. But this just seems to reinforce how I have wasted my parents money and my time.

I am planning on going home in June and re-applying for my old part-time job and working for my parents and try to cut my losses by accepting that I will have to keep paying rent till september. Is this a good idea?

Also I am unsure whether I should save money instead for a year and apply for a PGCE in 2017 (starting the course in 2018) or should I try this year (apply 2016 october and starting 2017)? Or am I just wasting money? I have no idea what else I want to do other than teaching right now. I am also scared of being judged back home as it is a small town and I feel like everyone will be laughing at me for living at home. I feel especially guilty as my parents paid for me to go to a private school and I have not amounted to anything. I wouldn't feel this bad if I had just decided to stay home and work before leaping into moving to Cardiff.

I just feel really depressed and I feel like I am just a financial stress to my parents. I have no idea what to do anymore. I have tried reading on how to get out of a slump but I feel like I am not good enough anymore. I have tried running but it made me feel worse as I felt I was wasting time, I am so stressed. I don't want to eat and I can't sleep. I am trying to finish up my TEFL course but I just feel so depressed.

Any advice or comforting words would be appreciated!