I Feel so Useless

Hey there, don't know how to approach this, but basically I consider myself pretty useless overall, I'm not good at anything literally...

I've been studying Software Engineer for the past 5 and a half years, it's a career that should had been completed in 4 years, and a career that I choose because I didn't know what to do with my life when I finished highschool, I had no interest in anything at all, I always found school notes really hard, I was never good at anything, while going through middle school and highschool I barely made the score to not fail every single subject, I just wanted it to be over, now while studying my career the pattern starts again, since the first semester I didn't enjoy any of the subjects, I found them really hard and I'm not good at focusing,I thought that maybe because it was semester 1 I just didn't have enough awareness of the career and maybe I would start enjoying later, well, by 4th semester it was worse, going to the university was a pain and caused me a lot of anxiety, at that moment I was half way through the career and I thought that it wasn't worth quitting after that. So I continued... And you might be thinking something like "Well, you can't say that you're good at anything, because you clearly made it through most of your career", well about that, I literally was bad at all the subjects so I took class with the easiest teachers and copied my friends in all the tests all the time, if we needed to do a team work I would just choose some friends and let them do all the work and put my name on it, I would befriend the teacher and then if everything went wrong I would beg him for an approbation score, going to college cause me a lot of stress and anxiety, and since I was a child I have always been a very nervous person so I got easily sick through the time, and I would often use the sickness as an excuse with the teachers in order to get an approbation score, I know that sounds terrible and it is, but is not like I haven't tried to learn, every single time I tried to sit down and read a book I failed, and I quit, trying to learn math, trying to learn how to program I singed myself in extra class and side classes I ask my friend to help me in order to learn and I simply can't seem to do it, go through the basics and as soon as I face a real problem I have no idea what to do, literally I got a probability test tomorrow that I've been studying for the last 2 weeks, I can't answer anything and I'm sure I'm going to fail it hence I'm writing here.

I have no propose in life, and IF, I get out of university with a not-well-earned degree, I have no idea what to do with my life, I literally don't know any more since the day 1 I started university, I won't be able to get a job because I don't know how to do anything, this keeps me up during the nights.

I'm a drag to my friends and even though my best friends don't say anything or try to help me I know that how they feel too, I had always been a quiet person and I don't know how to make small talk or anything so I find it really hard to make friends and don't get me started on a girlfriend, I can't approach girls because I feel so pathetic, I'm not good at anything, and I make people feel awkward, even with friends that I know for years, I always need to hang out with at least 2 or 3 of them, because if I go out with just only one I don't know what to say, and all just seem so awkward.

During the worst parts of the career and when I thought of my future-less life I considered suicide a good option I even looked for painless ways to die, but later on I discarded that choice not because I didn't want to do it, but because I know that would hurt my parents so much, and I love them, they think the world of me, so at least while both of them live I don't think I would do it...

Oddly enough, and though I know I'm useless and pathetic, a person that is a zero on the left side,a person that is easily forgettable, I don't dislike myself (my inner self or my appearance) and I don't know why, I hate the stuff I do and I hate the fact that I suck really bad at anything I try, but honestly I would not change my life for the life of another person, though I'm quiet and waste my time all day, I enjoy talking to myself...

Even so I so often find myself thinking that it would be so lucky if I get in some sort of accident and I die, because I would not have to worry about anything I would not have to worry of facing finding a job, let down my parents, or spend the rest of my life alone, I would not feel more anxiety and I would not feel more nervous if anything like that happened to me, so I often hurt myself in silly ways on propose without anyone knowing...

I just don't know what to do anymore, my life is a total waste...

Sorry if I made mistakes here and there, english is not my native language...

Well you're obviously good at cheating your way through life.

Finish your career and become a con-man. Problem solved.

If you want to be less awkward get a part-time job as a cashier or some kind of front-end for a business where you'll have to deal with complaints, annoying people as well as fun, strange, disgusting people. It'll help you get loose.

I know this doesn't solve all your problems, but I wasn't going to add that ^ paragraph at all, so...