I need help but I don't know what to do...

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for years because of my extremely low self esteem. I am with an amazing man who tries so hard to comfort me and listen to me, but my insecurities and my depression are damaging our relationship. I have such extreme jealousy that I can't handle watching a movie with him, or going to the beach, or even being in the same room as another women. It is so stupid. I have recently began restricting my food intake and have lost 11 pounds (i'm 120lbs) because I feel like if I am skinny enough maybe I won't be as jealous or feel as #######5 about myself. I want so badly to be able to just relax and have fun, and not have a panic attack because there is another chick around. I hate the way I am and it's only getting worse, but I just don't know what to do. Anyone else been through something similar or have any advice....i'm desperate.

A few years ago I was dumped by the only woman I have ever been in love with. I suffered a complete mental breakdown which was triggered by her dumping me. I spent several months sitting in a chair behind my house, staring at the woods...speaking to no one. I had no one who I considered a true friend...only people I knew who totally misunderstood me. I hated my job, I wasn't particularly good at it either, and I had absolutely what to do, or to how to go about doing it. I was just so lost, confused, and alone.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had lived with undiagnosed Severe Depression, OCD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for all 40 years of my life up until then.

Then, my psychiatrist hooked me up with a therapist who is probably one of the most arrogant and pompous sons a bitch I've ever known, but he's also one of the smartest, too. His daily monologues eventually started making a lot of sense from a logical perspective. And so I basically had two choices: Allow myself to continue down a path of self destruction, or literally start my life over by learning how to try new things, and fail at them.

Seriously...learning how to fail at something is probably the greatest gift life can give you. If you can learn how to handle screwing something up, then you are in the ideal position of being able to learn from what your mistakes were. You learn, then you try again, no doubt more wise the second (and third, and fourth) time around. If you see failure as the light which leads you out of the tunnel, I have no doubt in my mind you will be just fine in the long run. You will discover things in your life that you love with all your heart that you never even considered possible when you were younger.

It's been six years since I suffered that breakdown, and I can honestly say that my life is so much better off having to experience that absolutely horrible time. I would never wish how that felt on anyone...but at the same time...if it gives you the freedom to start your life how YOU want to live it (rather than how you think other people want you to live it), then there's no greater gift I could give someone.

I have absolutely no idea if any of this helped you. I hope it did. I truly hope everything works out with your boyfriend. But try to remember, whatever does happen, it's you who has to power to control what happens next...no one else