Fears of Dying

I've been alone for a long time, and it just seems odd to me that when you've finally reached some kind of seemingly inert space of time, you begin running out of things to do.
I don't take care of myself much. I don't get out as often I'd like to (but moving to change that).
It feels like I run myself over when I'm just trying to be comfortable; I've definitely tried the uncomfortable route. I am looking for consistent treatment, however.
Sometimes I get physically dizzy when I'm just going through my thoughts.
I don't like the idea of dying in this place where I am now, so I try to keep a momentum.
My body at times feels faint and I worry that I'd just fall asleep and never wake up.

I'd like to be able to get out in nature, away from the city, and a destitute apartment (plans to move);
just walk around and have a kind of trance like communication with another person.
I am drawn to the idea that a simple feeling can shift the gears of this apparent reality into a much more inspiring and lossless place --.

Should I be concerned to even be thinking about these things?

TheNonDenominator wrote:I've been alone for a long time, and it just seems odd to me that when you've finally reached some kind of seemingly inert space of time, you begin running out of things to do.
I don't take care of myself much. I don't get out as often I'd like to (but moving to change that).
It feels like I run myself over when I'm just trying to be comfortable; I've definitely tried the uncomfortable route. I am looking for consistent treatment, however.
Sometimes I get physically dizzy when I'm just going through my thoughts.
I don't like the idea of dying in this place where I am now, so I try to keep a momentum.
My body at times feels faint and I worry that I'd just fall asleep and never wake up.

I'd like to be able to get out in nature, away from the city, and a destitute apartment (plans to move);
just walk around and have a kind of trance like communication with another person.
I am drawn to the idea that a simple feeling can shift the gears of this apparent reality into a much more inspiring and lossless place --.

Should I be concerned to even be thinking about these things?

Hi
You say you are running out of things to do. Then you say you don't take care of yourself, start there, start making changes there, learn to cook differently for yourself, try new recipes etc.
But my point is why do you think you always have to do things?
Why can't you just relax and stop trying so much and just do things like perhaps spending time doing little chores, look around your house see if there are things that need doing?
I had gone through a period when I felt as you do.
I looked up places where I could help someone else, I went to an organization where they gave food to the poor, I went to teen organizations where I could talk to troubled teens.

As far as being concerned to even be thinking of these things, you can quiet your mind that wants to run by learning to meditate. I have a good meditation that helps me to just watch my thoughts
rather than falling into them. I learned to understand myself, faults, bad habits, resentments, and just by watching them I learned about my inner self and I began to change.
The psyche that troubles us wants us to fear, we don't have to do its will. I forgave those who have hurt me in my childhood and received a sense of peace just by forgiving others because we are also forgiven. Getting away from the city is of little use unless we change ourselves because we take ourselves wherever we go.