Me vs. Family low self esteem is the winner!

I love my family I really do but as you all know family can get on your nerves and push your buttons like no other beings on the planet. I'm adopted and I'm literally the black sheep of the family. However I was lumped into a trio because I have two nieces that are around the same age as myself. Both are children from my parents' oldest biological son so they were very proud hands down. Through the years growing up with them it seemed like a constant race who could do better. My oldest niece would take lessons therefore her sister would take them and thus I had to take them. They had singing lessons while I had raw talent which gave me an edge but I was being pushed to reach higher and become greater. Anything to make me talk worthy for family functions. But of course no matter what I did they did something bigger and better and I was again tossed aside and ridiculed for my poor choices. My brother always treated me like a child still to this day[he was against my adoption]. He would brag about his children to our parents which was his right and then they would feel proud but after the coast was clear they would tell me that I was a disappointment by saying "See what they are doing you should get into what they are doing that gives you something to work for". They had more opportunities that I was not able to access to. Thus my "goals" were obsolete and I needed to follow in what my nieces were doing. Even after we grew up and apart my parents though not saying it out loud but hinting that I am total let down. I did My oldest niece is a well educated nurse and making the money, my second oldest is married and has a very cute daughter. While I am unemployed and not in a relationship and overweight, I'm the poster child for failure in my parents eyes.

I am sorry you are losing thought over this enigma of a life;
a family in theory is great, they should be there when you're most in need.
I suppose things get out of hand when people act like that's all there is.
You are your own thing. It doesn't matter what anyone else does. You can be different.

When it comes to having children to gain social points, that's when my appetite would fall south;
sorry, having kids is one of the most tragic cases people can do to one another.
Imposing a circumstance that might not have ever been wished is an ethical crime, when it's done so carelessly.

Do what you want, within reason; and don't let the blind eyes of those who sent you off to this destiny bewilder you anymore . . .

TND

Why are people like this allowed to adopt?

They obviously didn't take into account that their bio children would not like it and that they themselves would compare..

Personally I think (v black and white I know) that only couples who cannot conceive should be allowed to adopt and those that already have children should stick to fostering.

I was their 1st foster child and I came around Christmas thus I was the Christmas baby for a long time and then they had more and more foster kids come in and out of the house. Well they waited two years for my family to come and claim me and since my biological family won't claim me since I was an accident in their eyes I was later adopted. And somehow growing up I had this huge burden of being in debited to them. I knew I was never going be claiming family traits and there genetics were not ones I would be morphed from. So I tried my hardest to make them proud of me. My youngest brother who is also adopted is an Indian and related to royalty so he has money and will never have to lift a finger and he can go to college for free since he is a mascot for the school. He had his family[biological] over for Thanksgiving the whole time they were present he called me racial slurs and he would degrade me in front of them. I was already feeling depressed since my biological family said they would come only if I gave them money. Anyway I told my adoptive parents about it and they just said to me to get over it and that he was spending time with "his" family. I lost it I couldn't believe it and this is still going on. My brother knows i can't stand the talk of money especially when he says "I want to by this!" or "hey mom can I have this?" he waits until I'm in a conversation with my mom and then BOOM drops the remix of "I'm a Prince and I know it! And I will gladly show it !Gimme what I want!" so my mother graciously humors him and thus he bought a boat, a car and even two four wheels! grant this kid though he is in his 20s now still has the mind of a 12 year old and he can never ever drive the doctors and judge said so. I had a job at the time but even there I was mistreated but I made end's meat until I was let go due to cut backs. And when I didn't find another job right away my parents again would praise my nieces for the hard work they were doing and how successful their lives had become. I think in their minds they thought they motivating me? I dunno I all I know is that I'm never going to make them happy unless I marry a multi-billionaire or become a world re-known surgeon, or I won the Noble Peace Prize or something to that degree.

Tommisean, I feel the way you do too, but I've cut the ties that bind me from my parent's expectations. I've always been up and down with my parents when compared to my sister, and I don't deny that I haven't been high emotional maintenance. As the first child, I've been in a position where I was pampered silly till my sis was born, and to this day I'm a massive attention seeker, and getter. I end up sabotaging myself as a result, in jobs, in life! Now that I'm married with 2 kids, my emotions are playing up quite badly, and the self-sabotage goes on.

Here's what I found useful with parental expectations - I've cut the cord that connects me to their expectations, and just live my life. I think you need to step back every once in a while and just breathe...just be. You are not your brother, you are not your sister, but you are here, and you have a higher purpose. That higher purpose should not be connected to someone's expectations of you.

I might sabotage the situations I put myself in, but I do have the satisfactions of it being entirely of my accord. I hope you find peace within yourself.