by jonathan33 » Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:55 am
hey , hang in there, you are not alone in feeling the way you do. there are many many people out there who use something to distract themselves from the perceived pain of their own lives. whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, ocd rituals, cutting or as in your case a celeb obsession they are all similar in there attempts to relieve pain and distract one from overwhelming internal anxieties. so basically, gwen stefani has nothing to do with this...its the emotions and thought processes and faulty images u may have of yourself that are driving you outward to find value, worth and meaning in your life. i have been and currently am in an isolated situation where i know few people if any really in my area, am not working, battle depression and could easily throw in the towel. in the past, even the recent past i would drink heavily, waste away in strip joints, try to impress people by being someone else and do many other things to try and feel important or gain a place in the world....through years and years of excruciating pain i learned that these things dont work. we cant be somebody else, we cant be happy based on externals or find value and worth outside ourselves. true peace and joy and a baseline of mental health can only come from within. the intense pain and out of control feeling you have right now is in a sense beautfiul because it is causing you to begin to look for real answers and you will hopefully realize that the answers come from within yourself, no one else. when u choose to love yourself for who you are regardless of any other nonsense or society imposed shenanigans then you will begin to find peace. you dont have to live up to any standard, or be special or whatever it is you are telling yourself u need to be in order to be "good enough". u were born so are you good enough, period. try to observe yourself in thought and begin to peel back the irrational layers until you are stripped down to your core authentic self and then embrace it fully and unconditioanlly. it will take incredible discipline and at times feel very uncomfortable but in the end you will be an incredibly deep, healthy, aware person with a true "knowing" of life and human existance. i am walking this path now, and although tough i know it is the only path i can take, the pain will show u the way to the light....u r important and special as you are. hang in there, you are not alone.