I don't know who I am

I don't know who I want to be. Some days I'll be really mean and some days too nice. I feel I'm a different person with the same people on different occasions. It's so confusing. I feel a nobody inside, like I'm not a whole person, just different pieces of people jumbled up inside a physical body. I have low self-esteem because I'm very self conscious and I don't like people to criticize me because I take it so personally. I'm mostly too shy and I think I'm getting better with people but my emotions are getting harder to deal with. I've played the have sympathy for me role, love me because I'm nice role, hate me because I'm mean role and so on but I don't know which role is truly me, which role I feel most comfortable in I don't know.
I'm going to be seeing a professional about this soon, but it would be nice to hear experiences of others. How did you escape from this? How did you build up your own self image? How did you cope?

You have to sit down and decide Who you want to be, where you are now, and how to get there. You need goals and ways to measure your progress. It's a pain, but atleast you won't feel so jumbled up and lost.

No one likes a mean person. If you want to be disliked because that feels good, then fantastic. However, you will be alone.

Being nice is difficult, it opens you up to hurt. Overall, it's the better way to be provided you don't over do it.

Warm Bodies is one of my favorite movies because it deals with a zombie who just wants to be a decent guy and be with his new living girl if his dreams. He often says "Act normal..act normal, act normal like a mantra as he fixes his shuffle

Human contact and love changes him for the better.

Always trust but verify, but give normal a try.

@rainbowjellyfish, do you mind if I ask if you have a history of childhood trauma or abuse? If so, I think that would be worth mentioning to a professional if you choose to see one.

blank identity wrote:@rainbowjellyfish, do you mind if I ask if you have a history of childhood trauma or abuse? If so, I think that would be worth mentioning to a professional if you choose to see one.

No, I don't have such a history. Why would you ask me that?

Self-esteem issues and identity confusion can stem from childhood abuse or neglect or attachment disorders. That doesn't mean it's the only cause.
I am not a mental health professional by any means, but simply suggested if you have such a history it might be a good idea to bring that up with a professional.

I don't know who I am either. What I do know is, I'm a 28 year old rent-a-cop who's been struggling with anhedonia for a while now. Managed to gain some weight after seeking "professional" help from a family doctor. I told him that I think I might be suffering from depression and he gave me a test to be sure. Results? 8 out of 10. Was on the depression meds up until recently; couple weeks to be exact. Went from 112 lbs to 140 in 2 months, suffered a "relapse" and went back down to 125. I'm currently sitting at 130. I used to want to be a cop, but after being washed out around every turn, I just gave up completely. And to be honest, I'm not even looking for another job. I'm just living day to day, hoping I don't suffer another psychotic break.

If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that talk really is cheap. People keep telling me that I need to "believe" in myself. But how the hell can I do that if I don't even know "who I am" to begin with? I'm at odds with myself. And I really don't know what to do other than what I'm already doing.