I'm a huge mess of self-pity and obsession.

I am in a ceaseless struggle over my self-esteem. Heck, simply saying this is an understatement because my problems are a triple whammy of Asperger's Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and a curious sexuality. With these three combined I have turned into an obsessive mess of self-pity and social resentment.

I've been trying to become so much more self-assertive with my curiosity towards my sexuality. I've grown to the point where I will not allow anyone to condemn me for who I am no matter what reason. I tried explaining to some people just recently why other people's ignorance and prejudice is their problem and not mine and that it's not my duty to go around trying to change the world when I can just be me. I was very angry at the time and asked why should be respectful when someone says something negative about my sexuality. In return, those two people came up and told me that I was a close-minded whiny baby who needed to grow up.

I know that I can't allow other people's idiocy to get to me, but how am I close-minded and immature for getting angry by it? I apologize for not having enough self-esteem to make a stand for myself, but I just don't know how to do it. I don't know to put myself out there and take what I want without someone projecting their ignorance that they've had all the time in the world to cast off onto me and calling me the real bully.

Why am I the bad guy here?

You can consider me part of an ostracized group of certain people and I used to have this group's back 110%.

But I was lied to this whole time...

The thing is that this group doesn't know how to live the way that makes them happy and always bend over when the other side wants to keep them in there place. Instead of standing up and deciding what is right for themselves, they choose to save face and show "respect" for the other side. They always listen to what the other side says and let them have their way instead of taking what they can because it is nobody's business and they have the power. I don't know why on earth they feel they have to allow other people to oppose them when they never had to do that.

All because of who they are.

There are a lot of things that drive me up the wall, but nothing has done it more than the idea that people can be hateful towards me for who I am when I have done absolutely nothing warranting it. What is worse is that a great number of people who I thought had my back when I had theirs apparently seem to agree with and even promote it.

It just feels so traitorous.

Again, I know that can't let other people's close-mindedness control me, but how is getting angry at others for treating me like a lesser just as close-minded? I have gotten into countless arguments with my mother over this and she doesn't have the ability to help me. So is so much more that I want to say but don't know how to put into words.

I see neither why I have to be obligated to bow down to something that I feel is hindering towards me in a certain way nor why I have to take responsibility for other people's ignorance and prejudice since it's their fault to begin with. I tried explaining this to a two certain people who took issue with my mindset and had a few choice words for me. One called me the hateful person that he had ever met and the other seemed to try and enforce some sense of duty and morality onto me that I felt was unnecessary.

So, again, what makes me the villain in all of this? Why does it always have to be about picking sides, changing minds, and right and wrong when I can just be me and living my life? What is wrong with invalidating the prejudiced and leaving them to live with their own shame?

Is that really just as hateful?

There are number of my own kind who even apparently believe that, too, despite this having absolutely nothing to do with politics whatsoever. There are more people who let what other people say about them dictate their lives instead of just shrugging it off and standing up for themselves. This is what my mother and have argued about the most the best she offer is that maybe it's just really easy for people to give up. I personally hope it is that instead of trying to fulfill an alternative agenda, because there is nothing more soul-crushing than seeing someone who you thought had your back against all the bigotry of the world suddenly turn around and even advocate letting other people have their way. An honest defeat from fatigue is a thousand times better than a betrayal for desperate survival.