I am shattered by a friend's comment

Hi, I have been feeling down lately because of pressures I deal with everyday, including a demanding husband who doesn't love me. Three young children and mainly for just waking up to the fact that I have wasted seven years of my life and not knowing how to get out.

Today, I ran into an old friend who knew me 7 years ago before my self-esteem has been shattered. She asked me how I was doing and because I was so desperate for a listening ear, I kind of explained a little bit how I have become depressed and not happy. This is a friend who I run into about once a year during summers and she knows some of the things in my life that I deal with.

After my rambling to her, she had one sentence to say to me. She said "this is all your fault" in exact words. Then she was quiet and distracted. I was stunned and puzzled. Then she finally said "You chose to live your life secluded from everyone, and didn't engage in social events whenever I asked you to a long time ago"

If my happiness level was 2 before I talked to her, now it is negative. I can't get over it. I am really depressed right now. I feel worthless. Normally I don't care what people say to me, but for some reason this has hit a sore spot.

Please anyone?

Do you think she was right?

Thanks for responding Verty.

Do I think she was right?

I guess I could have made my life a bit easier back then by engaging in interests and hobbies and social gatherings. But I don't think I chose to turn out this way because I was lied to by my husband before I married him and after we got married I was devastated to find out his huge lies and therefore lived in the delemma of "why did this happen to me? How could he do this to me?" I withdrew from the world, disengaged from my friends and lived in my problems instead of facing them and so it shaped my life, destroyed my self-esteem and here I am.

So I guess I feel "this was all my fault" because if I was a stronger person maybe I would have run away and left. But the friend has no clue of the problems I faced in my early marriage. She just saw a person who withdrew from the world and saw it was my choice.

I am very depressed right now. I have never felt such regret in my life.

Big Deal,
I can see why you feel as you do. There is almost always an essence of truth to what people say...but in your case I think you friend went a little overboard. She doesn't seem to be much of a compassionate listener. I think she could have prefaced her comment with a few gentle words of understanding....I know I would. When someone is down we don't need to thump them on the head and make a blanket statement of who is to blame.

Sweetngentle

I was devastated to find out his huge lies and therefore lived in the delemma of "why did this happen to me? How could he do this to me?" I withdrew from the world, disengaged from my friends and lived in my problems instead of facing them and so it shaped my life, destroyed my self-esteem and here I am.

Okay, so if you know all this, that means you are now in a position to change things, right?

see the commnet for what is was and interpret its truth and real meaning to your life, if it even has any? if there is some truth to it then this is a great thing beacuse you are still alive and have the opportunity to change and enhance your life in the future. if the comment has no truth or isnt really the way things occured over the years then let it go, no biggie. everyone has opinions and percetions and nonsense to spew around. its actually a wonderful chance for you to take an honest look at yourself, your life and see where you are at and where you would like to go. any pain or depression or anxiety always gives us the chance to slow down and see whats really going on inside, whats the innermost root behind all this. i think this setback can actually end up propelling you 10 steps forward if you are honest and use it to do so.....good luck.

Good point. You're right.

Thank you.