Another brick in the wall...

24/7 I feel as if im a steeping stone for other people. Theyre always walking over me. Theyve been doing this since i was 8 (and if i could remember any further, id probably say earlier).
I am sick of being used, been looked down on, being so un-important. I cant speak to anyone about this because even if i try, im instantly interrupted by their opinions, their problems. I hate being the shoulder to cry on. I hate having to turn to drugs to supress my suicidal feelings, since as soon as i stop using them all these feelings come back twice as hard with withdrawl symptoms on top. I hate the fact that people think so little of me, feel as though they can lie to me and I wont be hurt, feel as if they can steal from me and i wont care, feel as if they can list every one of my flaws straight to my face and think i wont be offended. Most of all I hate feeling that humanity is to blame, and not jsut myself. I wish I could blame myself for everything, because the other option is to blame the rest of the world, and who wants to live in a world full of evil people? My faith in humanity is completely lost...If things keep going like they are one day ill have a gun, and ill line up any human in my sights. Why should I care if theyre innocent, its not like they cared when I was innocent. Most of all I hate that it is the people closest to me that hurt me the most. My best friend is constantly stealing/lieing and insulting me. My own parents, who are meant to love me unconditionally, take out their anger on me.
My brother looks down on me, as if I cant take care of myself...like im the little brother who he cant trust to do anything. My sister isnt too bad...but she still gets on my nerves.
Its also quite a damaging blow to self-esteem to know that youre the only person you know thats still a virgin. Its like im unworthy of ever having love.
Some horrible psychiatrist recommended me to go on a thing called the new warrior weekend. It was a weekend where I couldnt be alone, where I felt so alien. There were atleast 80 men there and every single one avoided me. Definitely did the reverse of help me.
This sounds wierd but Pink floyd has given me hope...i dont know how, but i jsut feel so at ease whenever i listen to it. Its lyrics so infinitely deep and meaningful. Best band ever! When I ultimately do kill myself, I pray they play 'Shine on you crazy diamond' at my funeral...such an awesome song.
Well...anyone else got a sad story they feel like telling us?

Hey FriedPiper,

I am so sorry that people treat you this way. Maybe you should try talking to them and telling them how you feel. I know it is hard to talk about emotion's, but it may help them to realize that they are doing something wrong. Also I care that your inocent and it is'nt right that you want to kill everybody. There are people who care and for the one's who dont just dont have anything to do with them. Dont kill them. And please dont kill yourself. How do you know what come's next? It could be anything. It could be worst. Please dont think that nobody care's. We all care and dont want to see you hurting.

Take care,
Kayty

meh...i am but one person out of 5 billion...who will care?
thanks for replying though

I care

FriedPiper, I think I'm starting to understand. It's like you are promoting drug-use because you need it to be good and popular, or else it means you are just more odd.

You speak of shooting people in revenge, but let's be fair, that would not absolve you. You aren't angry at them, you are angry at you and are projecting it on them.

I really think it's time to let this anger go. So people don't like you, so girls aren't interested, so ######6 what? Get off your high horse, there are plenty virgins in the same position; you aren't so special.

It's not like the world owes you something. You are just another ant who thinks someone owes him something. Just accept who you are already, it's not like you chose it.

If you read by Epictetus link, I think it gives good advice. If you choose to be angry about things you can't control, you'll always be angry, so accept them. Learn to live the life you find, because if it is difficult or uncommon, living is so much more the achievement. If you want to feel proud, take pride in that, not in promoting drugs or shooting people.

In other words, stop with the grandiose dramatising, you aren't alone, everyone is an ant on this ball of dust, you aren't so special, so get over it already.

yea yea, ok epic tight ass...i got it.

You speak of shooting people in revenge, but let's be fair, that would not absolve you. You aren't angry at them, you are angry at you and are projecting it on them.

While he may not have the legal right to go around shooting people in the head with a gun, why should he not be allowed to release his anger on other people when that's all they do to him?

Hey FriedPiper,
I'm sorry that you have been so mistreated in your life and that you feel like people are always walking all over you. I can definetely identify with how you feel, because I used to be the same... I'd let ppl walk all over me, and like you, it was the most painful and upsetting experience! I know it's not easy, but try to stand up to ppl and don't let them get away with taking advantage of you! I'm not saying take physical action against them, but tell them how you feel and that you're not going to take their abuse anymore. Please don't lose faith in humanity, though.... True, there is a lot of evil in the world, but there is a lot of good, as well. I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but there ARE people who care about you...like the ppl here on this forum! Try to meet some new ppl who you have things in common with and who seem like kind ppl to you, and in time I'm sure you'll form relationships w/ ppl who will love and respect you for who you are, and where it is not just a one-sided relationship. Also, don't give up on love: I know it must be very frustrating for you, but it's never too late to find that special person...Keep looking: she's out there somewhere!
Just recently, I've been standing up for myself a lot more, and I've abandoned the relationships in which I was mistreated in. It's definetely a scary thing to do, but now I feel a lot more free, and I've met some great people who truly do care about me, and treat me just as well as I treat them. So it is possible.
About feeling like you want to hurt the ppl who have hurt you: I don't think it's uncommon to feel that way once in awhile, just as long as those thoughts are JUST thoughts, and you aren't planning to actually act on them.
Good luck, and I hope that things get better for you!!!!!
Take care,
drama_queen

verty wrote: really think it's time to let this anger go. So people don't like you, so girls aren't interested, so ######6 what? Get off your high horse, there are plenty virgins in the same position; you aren't so special.

It's not like the world owes you something. You are just another ant who thinks someone owes him something. Just accept who you are already, it's not like you chose it.

verty, I have read many of your posts and you seem to never have anything nice to say. That was pretty rough. People come on here for help and you put them down even more. If you are not going to help anybody then maybe you should'nt even be on these forum's. It's seem's to me like you use us for your own amusement.

Kayty

verty, I have read many of your posts and you seem to never have anything nice to say. That was pretty rough. People come on here for help and you put them down even more. If you are not going to help anybody then maybe you should'nt even be on these forum's. It's seem's to me like you use us for your own amusement.

Kayty, I'll do my best to explain myself.

When you say that I never have anything nice to say, to me that seems to mean that I don't tell people what they want to hear. Ultimately, what is nice to hear is what one wants to hear.

So if my aim was to sound nice to people, I would tell them what they wanted to hear. I don't do that because I don't think that telling people what they want to hear is helpful. I think the truth is helpful, and it just so happens that people usually don't want to hear the truth, so inevitably there will be clashes.

I appreciate your response, and I see that you regard telling people what they want to hear as helpful. Let me make a point here: there are many people on these forums already doing that. There is very much support here. It sounds like you think one dissenting voice is one too many. Surely that can't be right.

Admittedly, that piece you quoted was rough, but it's something that sits close to my heart. Perhaps that is reason enough for me to disengage somewhat, because evidentally I am biased in this regard. Having spoken to many other people in a similar situation to Zippy, which is that they can't get a girlfriend and they feel down about it, I want to help but feel frustrated.

Anyway, I will step back and take a deep breath. In summary, I won't tell people what they want to hear because I don't think it's helpful. Giving them someone to dislike might even be healthy.

I suppose there is a dichotomy between trying to help and trying to be seen as helpful. If people have disorders, one should probably distrust their judgement about what would be helpful for them, but perhaps the fact that they don't see it as helpful is detrimental.

Kayty, thank you for your response.