Why do I think I'm so great when even I see I'm not?

I can list my each and every flaw and 90% of them without any feelings of guilt or shame.I'm even proud of them.I don't work on myself at all (on nothing that requires more effort than spending money), I just expect people to notice how awesome I am and I start hating them if they don't.I really don't get it.I know I should change, at least be a bit more modest, but I can't when I don't want to although my current attitude is affecting me very negatively.I always start romanticising my problems and making being ###$ up in the head look like a wonderful thing.I'm even proud of being proud of being ###$ up, and now that I think about it, I'm proud of that.I know this isn't gonna work forever.For now I'm still a cute young girl with troubled past who occasionally turns into a crazy bitch, but how's that gonna look in few years?Even now I'm not as young as I'd like to be.
How do I get over my pride and start doing things to get what I want instead of just waiting? I guess I'm afraid of disappointment and failure, but there must be a way that doesn't include changing all of me, but only the arrogant part.Maybe I just need to hit rock bottom.