self hate and shame over pleaser personalilty

reading everyones thoughts and feelings really means a lot..I am learning about myself for the first time. as i finally stopped trying to rescue others. i had dedicated myself to being a loyal support person to other lost broken souls (like i used to be) now i am in a healthy environment all i can feel is shame and anger... all i ever wanted was to be a successfull actor/singer... but i was brought up in a verys superfecial family and town where looks and money was everything... My family lived beyond their means trying to compete with money, fame and looks. i wanted to be the opposite and became a do gooder i suppose partly selfish wanting to believe i had a soul and that i would't turn our like them. the problem is i look back and feel i did everything out of obligation and not love! like i feel resentfull that i was helping these addicts and taking on dysfuntion just to feel important and special... a bit like codependent behaviour. everytime i go to do something for myself a part of me feels guilty thinking what about all the people out there who need help who cares for them??? i can't move forward.. my need to be a success vs my need to help others.. a bad conflict..my anger for being a victim all those years and not being able to put mtyself first.. thank you everyone for making me feel so welcome ... all the best

hello,

thanks for posting.

that's very kind of you to say! but, you can be an actor/singer AND do good deeds too! i know you feel selfish for doing things for yourself, but you're human too, and you need to be cared for, just like everyone else... so it's okay to indulge in yourself sometimes =)

of course, helping others is awesome too! and you've been doing that! you might be doing it to make yourself feel better, but it's not being truly selish... because real selfishness means you don't care about ANYONE but yourself... but because you helped, you cared enough to help others! if you were truly selfish, their well-being wouldn't matter at all to you. it wouldn't mean anything.... but simply knowing that it means a lot to you to read other people's thoughts, i think that says something good about you =)

what are your thoughts?

take care*