Low Self Confidence

Hi everyone!


I am 20 years old, and problem with low self esteem occurred i think when i was in 6th or 7th grade of elementary school when i was 14-15 years old. I am aware of what probably lowered my self esteem and it is quite a number of situations that influenced my self esteem. But my childhood was pretty awesome, i remember how happy i was, and how carefree i was. I just miss those days... My parents did a good job when i was young. Until i was 13-14 years old i was just a happy and spontaneous kid, and i didn't even know anything about what is confidence and self love.

Nowadays i just feel inferior.. I become anxious about silly things that should't be a problem at all - going to parties, even the moment of entering my classroom on college and stuff like that.

Also, I have big problem being close and open to people. I have 2-3 friends that i can talk with and being myself. I just cant get that emotion to feel free to say anything i want. I don't feel pressure when i am talking to someone who has "lower social worth" then me, or have low self esteem like i do. But i really get confused when talking to someone who has "high social value".

All of that obviously make problem with girls.. I have such a anxious feeling when i am talking with girls, not only girls who i am interested in and flirting with, but just a regular girl from college or female friend from high school ... And god i hate that feeling! I am like a king of awkward moments...

But i know somewhere deep inside of me that i have such a good personality and i can be what i was before, i just need to find a way to loosen up and free myself..

Now, i am meditating regularly for about three mounts, and reading self-help books for 6-7 mounts or so, in hope of fixing my confidence problem, and i got the overall point on how to fix it, but i want to hear as much opinions as i can get... And i can't tell that i feel some major improvement...

So.. that was kind of my story, if someone have some advice for me i will really be happy to hear it.

I want to hear someone who successfully raised confidence, how he/she did it, and how long did it take to fix the problem.I mean just to get it started, to feel a little bit better about yourself.

What hobbies / social activities do you do that you really enjoy? That seems to me like a place to start. If it's something progressive, like a martial art, crafts, music, etc. Then having some degree of skill will give you confidence, since it gives you a different "rating" scale than the social status one. Which is not working well for you at the moment.

Thanks for advice.

The culture that we live in doesn't allow anyone room to *breathe* and no matter what your age, you will find this.

My daughter also had a problem similar to this. She essentially had to claw her way up and she had to find a niche for herself. She tried various jobs and even religious afffiliations and nothing worked. When she came to live with me, she had to move to the Bible Belt and to a place that is still fairly small enough for people to have small minds.

What my daughter did finally end up doing is joining the Navy. I don't reccomend that for everyone, but you see how desperate her situation was.

What she did do right amongst other things was to keep a portfolio of all of her accomplishments and she networked so that if one job didn't work out, she had another to fall back on.

For the self esteem, I like what the previous poster said about hobbies and the like. I have a friend who enjoys a small job working at a bird shop and then volunteering with CARA. WE have an epidemic of stray animals in this country and working at a shelter or volunteering is a really good thing to do.

TRy to stay away from toxic relationships, develop good boundaries and surround yourself with good people and positive things to do. Then, network, keep the portfolio and explore options. Young people have it hard these days but there is an answer.

Cosmopolitan areas are good to go to but only ones that are not out in the "urban jungle." I like Boston and NYC-especially TRibeca and Manhattan-cultural places for free thought.

thanks

Expand your network of friends and associates to broaden your horizons and create new life and career opportunities.

I had self-confidence issues in late elementary and throughout junior HS (so give or take that’s 10-15years old). This is where most confidence issues arise because it is the peak of going through puberty. Unlike you, I did have a rough childhood and I was always being poked at for flaws I had but as a kid and I rarely let it get to me because I didn’t care what people’s opinions were and for that I can thank the friends that accepted me. But I did want to fit in with the “popular group” but I was a weird kid. Relating to you I looked at myself as inferior to them and wanting to be like them and found them unapproachable when I just wanted to be friends. Hitting junior high school, when I got separted from my friends, reality hit. And I made new friends with bad intentions. So much so, that one became jealous of me (for god knows what) and decided to make it her life’s mission to make my life miserable. Now, I had to either make a choice to let it affect me or let it go and I built up enough confidence to say Id rather not have ANY friends than to be tormented everyday by someone who I thought was real. Turns out they had their own self confidence issues and tried to bring me down with them. Because of them I learned to cut of anything or anyone I knew wouldn't help me or benefit me in growing up to be a independent person. And in turn this helped me raise self-confidence to not be reliant on others (rather than just being anti-social) By knowing what was good for me and what made me happy, I learned how to be my own team player. You have to look within yourself to find your self-value and discover your purpose in life at this age. Fear of walking into a college classroom is normal (to me) and one can get over it by trying to interact with others and making yourself approachable. And if you have to practice your social skills I hear some people actually build up charisma by pep talking themselves in the mirror where you can pay attention to body language and expressions you make and edit them. In order to grow you can’t focus on the negatives but be your own team player first and self motivate. Then you can build your confidence because you've learned to understand yourself before anyone else. And once you accomplish that, expand an explore your horizons. Join clubs, sports, public events that involve social interactions and you will see progress because its always something new.