Never feel good enough?

I've always felt like an important part of me that everybody else has, I don't. I remember as a kid (I'm 18 now) that I wanted to dress more for what girls liked and what would get me more friends. I dressed as a skater even though I couldn't skateboard. Going into highschool I had long black hair and I was not the most popular kid, but I still had friends. Moving to another highschool I had made a group of friends of about 5 people who were the only people I talked to and hungout with. I've never been satisfied with them as my friends as they did not have the same interests and never seemed to want to include me. My friends were a group a friends before highschool and I always felt as if I was the new kid. I have started college a week and a half ago and the classes and everything seem to be going well. However everytime I'm in class, everybody is talking to each other except me. I have not made any friends that I could talk to or hangout with and people talk to me in an odd sort of way I have noticed. Am I am introvert? Whenever I'm talking to people, It's so hard for me to think about what to say, and I never come up with anything interesting. The only thing I know is to ask questions, but I can't talk to people solely by asking questions. People give me looks, I feel as if I'm lesser than anybody else and I can't trust anybody that I know to talk to me and give me an honest opinion of other people's perception of me.

I constantly look myself in the mirror and critique everything about me. I ask questions like "Do I look like I'm 12?" "Is it my haircut?" "Is it the way I talk?" "Is it what I say?". I don't know what it is but I have many memories of me wanting to be more like "somebody else" in order to impress other people and myself. But I'm beginning to think that this mindset I have is nothing more than depression and unreasonable thinking.

My first question is: what does your family look like? Is there anything there that might have made you feel like you want to flee (be someone else)?

Trying to please everyone else is part of our society today and it's very hard to avoid thinking about it, especially when media hypes people (many times women) who we should want to look like and be like.
The problem is that you cannot please everyone. For every model and celebrity you think are "perfect" there will be millions of people who disagree with you.

So who should you aim to please? The majority of people? And how are you gonna find out what they want, are there any statistics of what people want in a person? What should you concentrate on? Looks, personality, achievements? And what if society's priorities changes in a few years, as it has done with looks in the last ten years?

You see, there are too many things that are conflicting. Best thing is to find out what you think you are good at (even the smallest thing is enough) and be proud of that. Develop it and always keep in mind that the most time you will spend with someone is with yourself..

theguidanceproject.blogspot.co.uk

Hi. I want to let you know that I have felt this way from the time I was a kid. I know that I was told terrible things about myself from my mother. This is a big part of why I had such low self esteem. BUT I have known people who have very low self esteem who had supportive parents and family.

I do want to let you know that when someone does not think well of themselves, it is not a reflection of who they are. I have known many wonderful good people who could not believe they had anything to contribute to a conversation, or life itself for that matter. Their beliefs about themselves did not change their value. Sadly though it made life so difficult. I am in this group.

Do you have anything that interests you in life? Anything where you can join a group of like minded people and feel a bond with them? For myself I found that did help. Even if its volunteering. Volunteering is the best way to feel confidence increase. When someone volunteers they are immediatly appreciated and connected to their true value.

Perhaps because of schedule or lack of transportation, volunteering a few hours someplace is not feasable. But if it is, you might find the perfect place where you can feel your worth. Where you can feel appreciated and wanted.

Sometimes when people really do not like themselves, they do not like the people in groups which they could join. eg if they are trying to push away their inner nerd, they may have a natural dislike of the chess club. Even if they like chess. I had that happen with a group someone wanted me to start up with her. I did not like in myself the very thing the group was about. So I ran from it. But when I volunteered for the arts and politics ( combined) it changed my life for many years. They were like family. When I volunteered to help people in need ( a very specific need which I am good at helping with) it was amazing. I felt so good about myself when I was doing it. And I was so very appreciated.

I cannot know what is right for someone else. But I thought I would mention this to you. Maybe something I write would feel correct for you. Or maybe not. Either way, please know that the judgements you hold upon youself are no where close to the good person you are.