Hit Rock Bottom

Hi, dont know why Im posting this but figure it might do some good to write out. Was just googling some depressed phrases.

Here is a quick recap of my life.

I used to go to church all the time when I was young. When I hit 4 my older brother got diagnosed with a mental illness and I prayed nightly for him to get better. A year goes by and my parents get a divorce, I stop going to church and stop praying as everything just got worst.

My older brother with the illness kinda tricks me into doing some stupid things like falsifying credit card information, and abusing various retail organizations. Soon after we eventually ran into a cops situation and he blamed it all on me i stopped doing anything he suggested etc. This is around age 6-7.

From here i continue, go into middle school. Get picked on all the time for being nerdy.

Hit highschool, now ive gotten really skinny. Get a lot of stuff from that which really hurt. Any girl i talked to told me i was too skinny, etc. etc.

Got two jobs freshman year, got screwed over at both of them but kept them til junior/senior year. I would be the workhorse while everyone went in the back. Most of the time id be the only person on register or in the front of the store.

Ran into a girl who made me feel good. Dated for a few months and I was in love with her, she was always nice and affectionate with me. Then she leaves me for a coworker when i didnt go to her birthday party. She was gonna give me a 'special present' since my bday was 2 days away from hers. Didnt make it as we couldnt find the place, her phone was dead, no one at our job would tell me where it was at. I had the location and everything, but we couldnt find it. Was getting a ride with a family friend as i didnt have a car.

Never dated before that or since, no girls flirt with me. In college now and nothing has changed. I work out 4 days a week trying to gain weight and get rid of acne, but nothing so far.

Ive fallen into a slump and somedays dont do anything. After she left me i started focusing on something i liked. Made it into a business and i run it successfully to this day. I was riding high earlier this year but i have since stopped working on it because im so depressed. Bought myself a car a few months ago and it felt great getting something i worked so hard for but cant motivate myself anymore.

I constantly think and feel like crap. Im contemplating seeing a psychiatrist but think itd be better for a last resort. I can get myself out of this i just need something, maybe time.

That was the short version Sorry if you read all of that, its probably kinda long and boring.

Im 19 now by the way.

Any advice on my situation?


EDIT:
I constantly feel numb, kinda unaffected by anything. I dont show affection towards really anyone(never really have), and am the quiet/shy type. Also very irritable when im stressed/depressed but i dont act on it, just kinda brush it off and keep it inside.

Yea man, im sorry to hear about that. My advice for you is to find other things that make you happy. You seem really down. Find happy things to replace the bad things in your life and maybe then that will help you. I have acne too, have had it for 3 years now. Try to do things that make you confident about yourself, find some talents that you have. I always like going out with my friends to parties and just hanging out. I hope you fix your problems, I have mine and am trying to fix mine, so just know your not alone man, and the read wasnt boring.

forget about the girl. young relationships seem so important......but they're not. If she didin't like you enough to accept tha tyou couldn't find her house then....she's not good enough for you.
You sound like a guy with a lot of potential and motivation. Do yourself a favour and don't let it go down the drain because of what other ppl think.
If you have a successful little business...keep it going. It'll help keep you busy and active. Working out at the gym is healthy....don't do it to please others. You sound like you are naturally thin....what's wrong with that?? It's the only body you've got.....do you really want to be unhappy with it for the rest of your life?? that's A LOT of wasted energy.
I think you sound like a really great guy who is still young and has a lot going for him. Look forward positively to what's ahead and what you want in life. These relationship things and meeting girls will happen naturally.
The most important thing to remember is that if you don't love YOU how can anyone body else?
Girls are attracted to men with Confidence. Who "don't care".
Love You. Appreciate what you've got. Believe that you're a Great guy and that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.