I dont deserve to have good self esteem

I really really want to get better. And I am working with my therapist on my issues. But she tells me to talk back to the negative voices with positive ones. But I just feel like I'm saying "No! The sky is lime green and grass is pink!" Its just a lie - a joke. The negative voice just laughs at me, and I feel worse. How do I get over this? Anyone feel the same?

the subject line of your post just summed up the whole issue-"i dont deserve to have good self esteem"
well of course you do babes we are all born equal(apparantly)and if other people get to enjoy the benefits of feeling good and confident in themselves then why shouldnt you?!
ok i really should start practising what i preach...we all know that low self esteem is an issue thats mainly in our heads and that it not exclusive to any particular category of people eg. it is not gender specific, age, race, culture specific etc.
we can also accept that sufferers can be those who the majority of the population feel is absolutly perfect
but of course it doesnt matter how many people tell you that youve nothing to be worried about and try to reassure you, unless YOU feel it from within, it means nothing

with regards to the negative voices i can totally relate to you and i have been advised to try the same technique-of confronting them with positive ones
this is easier said than done
i used to think i was going mad/pocessed or something because i had a constant droning in my head reinstating my own beliefs that i was worthless, didnt deserve to be happy, that my friends and family should have someone better than me and when it came to men-the feeling of why would they possibly want me when they could have x y or z...what have i got that they dont?iv nothing to offer

these voices havnt gone and they probably never will but i think ive learned to drown them out by sorting out my priorities
there will always be people better off than me but on the other hand, there will always be people worse off then me
thats life

hopefully some day, the positive voices will win over but until then just take each day as it comes, set yourself small realistic goals and gradually work up to bigger ones that may seen unabtainable at the moment

maybe keep a diary(im always meaning to start doing that) because if you keep a record of your mini achievements in day-to-day life, looking back over them will give you a boost and remind you of your capabilties

you create the positive voices just like you create the negative ones so be aware that you are capable of making them more dominant-they are in there somewhere they are just unfortunatly being drowned out at the moment.

good luck
xxx

I wish I could reply right away but I have one nagging question. Are the voices your'e referring to real? what I mean is ..are you scizophrenic? or are you just referring to negative self-talk?

The "negative voices" are more like feelings then words. Like the feeling you get when someone laughs at you when you do something stupid, or when someone tells you you are worthless. I do actually hear 'things' that arent there. Sometimes words, usually they make no sence at all. Sounds that come from inside my head to my ears, instead of the other way around. My therapist says its an anxiety thing, I've never been diagnosed schitzophrenic.

The "negative voices" are more like feelings then words. Like the feeling you get when someone laughs at you when you do something stupid, or when someone tells you you are worthless. I do actually hear 'things' that arent there. Sometimes words, usually they make no sence at all. Sounds that come from inside my head to my ears, instead of the other way around. My therapist says its an anxiety thing, I've never been diagnosed schitzophrenic.

Yes, I do know what you mean I have believed I am worthless in the past and still do to a certain extent. Because I feel I am totally bad it feels like a lie to say positive things about me.

There is a fundamental flaw in that reasoning though: beliving something doesn't make it a fact! Just because you believe you are 'bad' doesn't make it a fact (unlike 'the grass is green' and 'the sky is blue' which are both facts).

It can only be a fact if you can prove it - since there is no universal definition of a 'bad' person - your belief is only an opinion. You can change your opinion of yourself and that is what your therapist is trying to help you do. If you think positive thoughts then your opinion of yourself may begin to change (people like to be consistent, which is also one of the reasons why its really difficult to change negative thoughts into positive ones). I hope thats helpful, best of luck.

Hey crazylucyloo,
Hon, I know exactly how you feel!!! I'm working on the same thing with my therapist, but I feel your pain- it's so hard to change a thought-pattern that has been going on for practically my whole life!
I know that it's cliche, and I wish I could give you better advice than this- but you just have to keep on trying. The positive self-talk might seem fake right now, but hopefully if you keep it up long enough you'll start to believe it, and you'll feel better about yourself. I know it's frustrating beyond belief, but it's what I'm working on right now, too, and we just have to hope that it'll work out.
Also, my therapist always tells me to look at myself from the perspective of others... Try to rememember the good qualities that ur friends and family see in you, and when u get a compliment, do your best to take it to heart. I also agree with misstaken- writing in a journal might help- it definetely gives me a better perspective on my life.
U seem like a sincere person and I'm sure u have many positive qualities, so I hope that someday you will learn to love yourself!!! <3 <3 <3 Everyone deserves to be happy.
take care, and if u ever need anything, feel free to pm me!
~drama_queen~