low self esteem, let guys take advantage of me.

i am 18 years old and have been sexually active a little over a year now. i lost my virginity to my ex boyfriend of 9 months. since than i have slept with one other guy. i am a very lonely person and i do not have any close friends. i feel like i just get with guys so they like me more or that i wont be as lonely. i was raped last year and i dont know if that has anything to do with it..? some guys have forced me to do things with them and i dont want to but i do it anyways to avoid rejection. i feel really low about myself and i hate myself for it. my parents are so wonderful and i hate going behind their backs and behaving this way. they do not know i am sexually active and they are against premarital sex. i know better and i know the consequences of having sex. just recently i slept with this guy who i was seeing for awhile. he broke things off a month ago and then he wanted to hook up so i agreed to it. the condom ended up breaking and i took the plan b pill not even an hour after. i am on birth control, but i am still very worried. he told me we should have never done it and he doesnt want to speak to me anymore. i feel like i always mess things up. i just dont know what to do and how to respect myself.

I grieve to think of you putting yourself through this. As for going to bed with guys because you're lonely- well you are hardly alone in that. But I think you've learned, it doesn't really address lonliness- it just postpones it a little while. And if you cannot stand up for yourself, as you've learned, there are plenty of guys waiting to take advantage of that.

I urge you to seek professional counseling. The problems you are dealing with are far from unique- they are rather common. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of though- you just need to learn how to direct your utterly normal sexuality in a healthy way (or at least that's one important thing you need to learn). A good therapist can help you do that. Please take the first step to helping yourself my reaching out to someone who can help.

Please let us know how things progress for you.

Avoid people, places, and institutions that treat you badly or that make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe it is better if you discuss it to your parents, parents is always a parents they will never leave you and they accept you who and whatever you are.

I find chatting with nice people I meet in chat rooms online helps me not feel lonely, may be get a chat application on you're computer and make some online friends, and if some ones not friend worthy don't chat with them any more. Be a little bit selfish, that will help you get some self respect, we need to be a little selfish as human beings to be healthy. Like first thing you should do is get these guys that use you out of you're life, then if you feel lonely get online and meet some people and talk with friends you've all ready added. You can do video calls with people over Camfrog and Skype, that's pretty cool? right. I don't agree with the no sex before you're married thing, that's just asking for a rushed marriage to have sex then you might not like you're partner any more but you're stuck with them, big mess. Remember you're important too!

Our ideas of ourselves, the judgements that we make of, and the value we place on, ourselves as people are opinions, not facts.