How to deal with others getting complimented and not me

How can I deal with my family saying in front of me and my sister that my sister is beautiful but not saying it to me? I also get it from strangers like people will say my sister is hot but they won't say I am. I also get peope saying that they can't believe we're related, and I know why they're saying it.

I know I'm sensitive about it and that is probably my issue, however, I've been diagnosed with bdd and I don't think it's fair to do that to someone who is mentally ill. It triggers my bdd and depression to a point of being suicidal. I know people cant know this about me and if they do, it might even get worse, because people are so cruel. So what do I do, what can I do?

Its a really good question, even if you didn't have bdd. In our family my sister is the good looking one too. Not only that she is the successful one as well. Its not that in front of me she ever got compliments while i didn't but being sensitive i was aware that she had physical advantages that i didnt. However to be fair, i always had better hair and my mother often said that.

But even as an adult, some of my friends have commented on my sisters appearance and occasionally a man has made a comment that although he attempted disguising it, showed me that i was not being judged favourably in comparison.

Anyway i would say that the difference in our appearance is an ongoing struggle for me. Especially because my sister is vain and preens a lot.

So what to do about it? I think there's no avoiding the pain of the moment for the most part. Though you could tell your parents how painful you find the comparisons so could they please not do it in front of you. I know that doesn't guarantee their cooperation because parents can be so insensitive to their childs feelings. However you should at least try this.

I don't think people are being cruel. I think they are just insensitive. The people do not realise how it is so hurtful to you.

Then apart from that, you have to build up your self esteem by working on your strengths. There are so many other parts of your life where you could do well and even outshine your sister. You should try to forget about your appearance and minimise the importance of it in your life.

Listen, i regret having grown up thinking that my looks held me back. I think it was this style of thinking that actually held me back, not my actual looks. Look around you there are less than perfectly beautiful people who are successful and happy. You don't have to be the best looking one to be happy or successful. You need to be kind, work hard, and keep the faith in your self. I know its hard to do that when you have a lot of other stuff going on but this is where you should be trying to keep your focus.

I take it you are getting therapy. I think you need to do this. Probably a supportive kind or a cbt kind would be good for you, with some mindfulness in it as well.