Please help me with this

I just wanna say that i fall out of the category of mental illness..
Its like there is mental illness and then there is me..
I just cant take it anymore...
I am not like others and i dont know why...
Once i was a quite functional person, but now i am disabled in every way u can imagine.
I have lost my ability to learn, how to enjoy myself, how to love, how to remember things..
Its not like a wanna commit suicide but with all these disabilities that seem like mental retardation
i cannot see how i would survive in this world?
I dont wanna be another trash of psychiatry..
Where they stuff pills in you not for your own sake but for theirs..
I am a burden.. A to hard burden..
All hope is gone...
So the reason why i wanna commit suicide is because... I cant function...
Like every little thing you would assume a normal person would be able to,
I cannot do...
Like all life have been squeezed out of your mind...
Cant remember how i got here... Only that i just got extremely tired and then forgot how to live...

Hi,
I just wanted to tell you that a lot of the members on here have been or still are in some very dark places in their lives, but with the right help and support from caring people life can become bearable and much better even if it's just little by little, step by step. Iv'e been through suicidal times and I am sure it's the worst possible solution. When I gave up drugs about 28 years ago now I was absolutely lost. I couldn't seem to apply reason to any situation it seemed, I didn't know who I was anymore, to put it simple I was broken inside. But over time, things became better, bit by bit. Ok Iv'e been left with personality disorders but I am unrecognisable from the broken soul I once was.
I don't know what brought you to this place in your life but I guarantee there is always hope, do not give up!