Being personable

It's taken about 20 years, but I can talk to tutors about course related stuff, and I can even speak in a class, and I've spoken to classmates with conversations I've initiated. MASSIVE step for me... but I still can't speak if it's anything personal. It's like trying to force a marshmallow through a keyhole.. the words get all squished up the sides, and maybe the odd sounds come out. I mean, even something as simple as what does your dad do? Do you live with your parents?
My fall back usually is I don't know. I can usually get those words out, or I nod or shake my head like a maniac and then shrug and tic all over the place.
It's irritating, because how am I going to make friends if I can talk about personal stuff?? I have friends, but they don't care bout that really, and I'm comfortable with them now I can talk about anything.

H.M

Hey! You have friends? How did you make them? Maybe you'll come across people who won't care about your SM and you'll befriend them too. Do you think you could let them know that you have it at the beginning of getting to know them or something?

They were accidents. We were the loser club, basically, and had to unite to survive. XD
That and I attract weird people who attract weird people and so on. I had one friend who had another friend who became my friend because we were happy to sit in silence for three hours and then called it an awesome night out, or were happy to be talking crazy, to our own voices, or pretending, I don't know.

I wish people had a better understanding, or SM had a better name. When you say "selective mute", always feel like shouting "NOT INTENTIONALLY SELECTIVE!!!!!" When I was first told, I cried because I thought it meant someone thought I was being stubborn and immature, I didn't realise they understood I didn't have a choice and was actually fighting so hard to get words out.

Because I have tics, I've found a way of sort of communicating through them to express if I'm happy or upset by something. Or even if I'm concentrating or eager to get on with something. I didn't realise I'd done it until a tutor pointed it out.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with having "weird" friends Keeping each other company and feeling a little fond of each other is all that matters.
Is there anything that you like doing with your friends?
Interesting that you communicate through your ticks. Of course you don't choose when the illness manifests itself.

We just enjoy each others company. They're the kind you can do or say anything around them, and they're fine with it. And they don't judge, don't ask questions if you don't want them to. Good, good people. I'm so lucky.

My tics differ depending if I'm scared, focused, stressed, angry, happy, which is annoying cause it gives away my mood, but great when I might be otherwise giving the wrong message.


Last Friday, we were working in a group in biology, and they were all talking about what they wanted to do at university, and when they asked me I kinda shouted "PSYCHOLOGY" because of wanting to get it out and having that barrier that keeps it in. A little embarrsing, but it's something I really got work at.
Doesn't help that when I talk about personal things, I feel like I'm boring everyone by sounding very egotistical.

Heh, at least you got your message across. I doubt you sound more egotistical than other people, it's probably only a fear of yourself.

It's cool that you have good friends, they sound kind and smart.