My son has SM and I need help!

Hello,

I am new to this forum. My 8 yr old son was diagnosed with Selective Mutism at age 5. It seems his temper tantrums at home are getting worse. He hasn't progressed beyond whispering at school. He repeated 1st grade and is now in 2nd grade. He is at grade level with most things and participates in school and plays with the kids but when ever they have a break like we had over the holidays he has a complete fit when he has to go back to school.
I tried Intuniv for 3 weeks with him and did not like it at all. Infact it made his anger and tantrums much worse. He is no longer on it and I have just started him on a holistic regime from Native Remedies. I am almost at the end of my rope when it comes to his tantrums. At school he is well behaved, quiet, doesn't throw tantrums but once he gets home all hell breaks loose. He and his older brother (12yrs) fight constantly. It's very frustrating to deal with because he acts like a 3 yr old throwing a fit. When he gets something stuck in his head, he cannot let it go. For instance, two days ago he asked me if he could bring is lego car to school, I said yes but he has to get ready first before he can get it. He was fine with that, he got ready without a problem then he got the lego car. Well some of it fell apart so of course he has to put it back together which was taking some time and he had to go to school. I told him to put it in the bag and he can finish it at school. Well he didn't like that answer. He HAD to finish it right then and started yelling at me. So I told him now he is not taking it to school because he yelled at me like that. He went into a full blown tantrum now and was screaming and crying and kicking the seat in front of him (I have a minivan) the whole ride to school. Once we got to school, he managed to get out with his brother and sister and calm down enough to go into school. Once he's in school, he quiets down and his behavior is completely changed.
I don't know if that behavior is common with kids that have SM. I try to stay calm and not feed into it but it is still very draining for him and everyone around him. Does anyone else with SM kids have this problem?

Hi! Is your boy getting any therapy? Maybe a child psych could help him deal with his anger better. Maybe he has tantrums at home because that's where he feels it's safe to let his feelings out. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

Your son sounds like me at his age, to a 'T'. Though i did not fight with a brother, i had two sisters to fight with! I dont know how my parents survived honestly. In my opinion the fighting is only because it is easy to get into an argument, it is easy to get angry and make another person angry. The result; they leave you alone. I purposely fought with my two sisters on a daily basis so i could sit in my room alone and play. I felt safe and calm that way. Take notice if he likes to spend time isolated, probably in his room, and try to limit this time.
I also understand your sons behaviour with the lego truck. Its kind of like when you anticipate a deadline and get really close to the end and feel a rush of anxiety when your not finished. nothing seems to make that anxiety go away unless you finish your task. This will take a bit of time for him to work on.
To be honest its going to be hard to control his tantrums as long as he has a brother there to fight with him. Especially considering the age of your other son, hes too young to understand what his brother is going through.
Find a counsellor who deals specifically with children with SM and make weekly app's. This helped me alot.