help with selective mutism child

Hi - hoping someone with knowledge of sm can help? My 7 year old son has sm and has not spoken in the classroom at school. The teachers are aware of the problem and ask him to write his answers to their questions on the blackboard at "group" time . This mostly works, unless he doesn't know the answer - obviously he can't write something he doesn't know. Yesterday a teacher told him to copy the answer from someone else. My son didn't feel that the answer was correct, so wouldn't write it. This has happened a few times - if it isnt his own work, he doesn't feel comfortable copying it. I can understand his way of thinking - he isn't' being defiant. He is very particular about the way certain things need to be done . He is very bright and usually completes his work, but, he will not copy something just for the sake of giving the teacher an answer. The teacher didn't like this and told him that he couldn't eat his lunch until after the rest of the class finished their lunches and has also given him detention for Monday. I'm sure when the teachers push him like this, they make him more anxious and they make the problem worse. They wait for him to write something, while the rest of the class waits and watches. Surely that is not the right way to go about things? Does anybody else understand that it is not defiance that causes him to not copy someone else's work? Should I discuss this with his psychologist? Am I just overprotective? It was very distressisng to see my son sitting alone in the schoolyard, looking so sad after this incident. (He also didn't get to eat his lunch) Is there anybody reading this that has sm and can relate to the way he feels in the classroom?

Hi I'm 22 and I was diagnosed with SM at the age of 4. What your child is going through reminds me of when I was a kid but I never got detention. It sounds to me like the teacher is being unfair or doesn't fully understand the situation. Maybe you should talk to the teacher?

Hi Robe,
Thank you so much for your reply! It doesn't seem like the teachers understand that there is more to it than just "not talking" The psychologist comes to see my son at school once a fortnight, so I think that I will discuss it with her and the teacher. I just wanted to check that I wasn't being overprotective. The treatment seemed unfair to me. Thanks again for your input - it helped a lot.
p.s Do you still have sm? I know that it will stay with some people, but not all.

Yes, he doesn't want to be seen to get anything wrong. Perhaps he's afraid of other children laughing at him or something like that.

mum*of*smchild wrote:Hi Robe,
Thank you so much for your reply! It doesn't seem like the teachers understand that there is more to it than just "not talking" The psychologist comes to see my son at school once a fortnight, so I think that I will discuss it with her and the teacher. I just wanted to check that I wasn't being overprotective. The treatment seemed unfair to me. Thanks again for your input - it helped a lot.
p.s Do you still have sm? I know that it will stay with some people, but not all.

Hi, I'm glad I could help, even just a little . I still have SM but now I think I may have Asperger's Syndrome also, or maybe my SM evolved into Asperger's. I talk to people more than I did when I was a kid, but now I talk less normally(really low monotone voice).

It's an unfortunate situation and it seems to be a common theme in this forum. Most teachers aren't qualified to pass judgment when it comes to selective mutism, but they like to play the role of amateur psychologist and enforce their own biased opinion.

There is a lot of confusion about whether or not there is a voluntary aspect to selective mutism. Here is a pertinent quote from Wikipedia:

"The former name elective mutism indicates a widespread misconception even among psychologists that selective mute people choose to be silent in certain situations, while the truth is that they are forced by their extreme anxiety to remain silent; despite their will to speak, they just cannot make any voice. To reflect the involuntary nature of this disorder, its name was changed to selective mutism in 1994."

In other words, selective mutism is not caused by a fear of other people's perceptions. It is caused by an underlying condition over which they have no conscious control. There is no freedom of choice or *free will* associated with selective mutism. I would suggest that less than 50% of all teachers would be willing to accept this simple fact. That is what you're up against.

- Dazzler

Part of teaching in the mainstream sense is not only checking students homework and getting them to write answers. Another large part of it is teaching the students to follow instructions.

So to them it is most likely not about whether is answer is right or wrong, it's about him doing what was asked.

This is of course a poor way to go about things, I'm just putting it into perspective.

A big problem with a lot of people is thinking they know something when they don't. Unfortunately this is a problem x2 with teachers, because it is a teacher's job to know things.

I suppose the best thing you can do when you can't change the world is to help your son deal with the world. Call it damage control. If you can't fix the teacher then help your son. Put your energy into helping what you can help.

Thank you to everyone for your help and advice. I understand why the teacher did what he did, but don't agree with it. I have given the teacher some paperwork about sm and he now knows a bit more about it. We discussed the situation and the detention has been cancelled.
Thanks for the link - going to have a look at the site now.

p.s Robe - I am glad that you are able to talk to people now - even in a low , monotone voice! That's fantastic!

cc2763 wrote:Yes, he doesn't want to be seen to get anything wrong. Perhaps he's afraid of other children laughing at him or something like that.

A good forum to discuss selective mutism, as a parent, is at http://www.selectivemutism.co.uk

Thank you! This is very helpful. I'm glad somebody understands how he feels! I was beginning to think that I was the only one that could understand.

mum*of*smchild wrote:Thank you to everyone for your help and advice. I understand why the teacher did what he did, but don't agree with it. I have given the teacher some paperwork about sm and he now knows a bit more about it. We discussed the situation and the detention has been cancelled.
Thanks for the link - going to have a look at the site now.

p.s Robe - I am glad that you are able to talk to people now - even in a low , monotone voice! That's fantastic!

I'm glad and relieved that you made some progress with the teacher.

Unfortunately I don't have any advice to add, but I just wanted to say that I hope things continue to improve.