Never before have I cried about being selectively mute.

Today (roughly 20 minutes ago, to be exact) I cried because of some of the things selective mutism makes me feel. I never wanted to say anything because I always felt like it would be seen as stupid and dismissed. Well, I'm a young adult now, and being selectively mute has never personally bothered me. Sure, it gets in the way and makes me seem rude and is essentially a personal demon, but it's not fatal. And I've been talking a lot more.

People always thought I was mute when I was younger. It bothered me (I never knew I was selectively mute until about a year or two ago, when I asked my mom why she sent me to a speech pathologist as a kid.) That always bothered me, because nothing was wrong with me. People have always pitied me for being so quiet, but I never minded being left out or alone too much. I've always been independent.

Now that I talk more, say what I'm thinking more often, I like talking. But I also sometimes say stupid things. This time, I failed to recognize that grand and k meant the same thing. I wasn't paying too much attention, it wasn't the point of what I was saying, but all the sudden all these people were hounding me, calling me stupid. Someone said "just stop talking"...and all the sudden it really got to me. That was my biggest fear, being thought of as stupid, or worse...being dismissed. And this person probably didn't out much thought into it, but now I just want to stop talking again. And I keep thinking ofall the times in the past when I've said something stupid or wrong or have been dismissed and I think I just don't ever need to speak.

I typed this on my phone, sorry for any typos.

Hi Ashley. I am 17 years old, and it seems I am always crying about my SM nowadays. I feel the exact same way as you. I am still scared of my statements sounding stupid, and/ or being dismissed. It also makes me feel really rude. Actually, today at school, I was told by the teacher to do an activity I wasn't comfortable with. I didn't listen to her, because I was frozen in my chair. She took me into the hall, and kept trying to get me to tell her why I was crying. After a while, she said "By not answering people when they're talking to you, it makes you seem rude." That made me cry harder, because I always want the opposite affect on people. Long story short, I dropped that class, because she said she didn't have time to deal with me. It was only the first day of the semester. Anyway, when people tell me, even jokingly, to stop talking, it really offends me too. I think they should encourage us to speak, instead of being so heartless, but I know now that no one can truely understand us unless they've been through this experience. For example, if my mom didn't hear something I said, she'll say "speak up." That really gets to me. I get frustrated, and take it out on her. Sorry about the novel. Just know you are not alone.

I also have faced the very thing I was afraid of when I finally come out and talk. I would just say ignore them. People are so stupid. If anything, say, "Wow, that was rude" and roll your eyes at them. You don't want to be socializing with those kinds of people anyway.

When I was a teen, I hated when people said things like "You need to come out of your shell more!" "Why is she so quiet?" or make jokes such as , "Stop talking! You're so loud!" Statements like that shut me down. The person saying them think that they are somehow helping people but they're ignorant of the true situation.

Sometimes people misinterpret quiet people are seem as intelligent or seem has if they have nothing on their minds. A professor (that clearly didn't like me because I was quiet) marked me down a whole grade for "not participating," never mind the fact that she only called on her favorites so I didn't even have a chance.

Some mainstream teachers just aren't accommodating or flexible at all. If you can switch teachers without personalities, I would have done that. Unfortunately, she was the only who taught that class.

Sometimes when I'm more talkative, I will talk out loud around people, kind of a stream of consciousness. And I have also mentioned things that I didn't understand and people have called me stupid for it. And then I wonder to myself, "Why do I bother to talk at all?"

The people who call you stupid are arrogant and aren't as smart as they think they are. The truly smart people won't humiliate others, the truly smart people like to share information.