Selective mutism

I am 16 years old and my best friend has been struggling with selective mutism her entire life. She can't talk in school and she also suffers from not being able to express her feelings to her family and the two relationships she has been in. She won't express her feelings at all and hasn't told her parents she loved them back in years. The only people I have heard her say I love you to are her best friends. She shows weird attachment to her me and her best friends and affection to them but nobody else including boyfriends. Its complicated and nobody understands it at all or knows what to do. If you ask her if she likes her own boyfriend she will say I don't know, even though we both know she does she is literally unable to say yes. She doesn't do it to be funny or to get attention because it has been like this for her entire life. Advice, similar story, any reply to this at all?!?!?!?! She won't talk about her disorder either, she has no desire to fix it or even shows that she cares about it.

Hi there,

I'm afraid that if she doesn't want help, doesn't want to change, there is nothing you can do. Maybe only show her what she may be missing if she doesn't work on this - most people need to know how others feel about them - so she may end up alone. That may be a problem for her. Also - do her parents tell her they love her? Maybe the problem begins at home? If she has known you and her other best friends for years, maybe she needs more time to get comfortable with the idea of loving someone?

Hello!
First of all, Im sorry for my horrible english. I call myself North because Im from a little country called Sweden, and here we speek swedish . Its a country with 9 million citizens, I live in the capital Stockholm (2 million people here, impressed?). Its an amazing place in many ways, but not it you have selective mutism. Ive never met anybody else with this problem. So thats why Im here with my sadly poor languish.

It would be amazing to have contact with somebody else with selective mutism, I were the first one my doctor gave the diagnose - she was brutally honest when she said that and also told me that she couldnt offer any information, or help except medicin.

Well, that was a short presentation from Europe. Eh, you call it SM? In my languege it refers to something else...

hi. I am 16 also, and have suffered with selective mutism since I was 4. I can talk in school, but only to a few, or certain people. I can't remember the last time I told my mom I loved her, but she knows I do, and she understands my situation. I only have 1 friend (of 6 years), and I tell her things that I feel like I can't tell anyone else. I've never talked about it, except once when I told my friend about it. It makes me extremely upset to think about it, because I justt want to be normal like everyone else. It's also very frustrating, as we have so much to say, but yet cannot say it. Trust me when I say this, she wants help. She is just scared, and it will be very hard for her, and she knows this. Tell her she is not alone. I just want to thank you for being an awsome friend to her and trying to help, because I've lost people who could of potentially been my friend, but mistaken me as rude, or just way too quiet and awkward. So thank you for that!

The fact that she doesn't talk about it or try to fix it could just be because she is just uncomfortable with talking about it out of embarrassment or denial. I was just like this when I was younger, though by 16 I had mostly grown out of it. Even if my best friends brought up my sm, I would change the subject or deny it and feel really ashamed. Even if she is really open with you in other ways, it still might be difficult for her to communicate about her SM. Selective Mutism is a very painful and difficult condition to have! It can be very isolating to not be able to truly communicate your feelings no matter how strong they are. On the other hand, maybe she truly doesn't mind it. Either way, it is great that you are trying to seek help for her. I think the best thing you can do is to gently encourage her to communicate and to truly listen and be there for her when she does. Maybe asking if there is any way you could make her feel more comfortable in social situations would be good. Best of luck to you both